Father's eyes

It is hard not to follow your Father's footsteps. But we must sometimes.

                       Father's eyes and anger
                        7 April 2009
 
   (Part one. Wiser and smarter man.  Need to think before we speak. Words can be like knifes to the heart and
soul.)
 
Is my Father's eyes and anger.
Are they mine's now?
 
I told you.
I loved you.
I needed you.
 
Love should bring love.
 
Violence.
A hidden demon.
Can strike without thought.
 
Sweet friend.
Kind lover.
Did you see the monster?
 
I tried to lock the demon up.
He tried to escape.
 
I must walk away for a moment.
Deep breathe and counting to ten.
 
My world is falling apart.
Like my Father's world did too.
He took the bad road.
Pissed off and violence.
 
I will keep quiet.
Do my best to stay strong.
Ain't easy when your world is falling down around you.
 
We need kind words.
We need a lot of patience.
A lot of love.
 
I will pray to the God of life and death
Give me wisdom and strength.
 
                  Coyote
 
                        My Father
 
                Written on 19 November 1989
 
When I look into the mirror.
Do I see you my father?
 
Have I become what I despised all my life?
Have my eyes.
Your violence become mine's.
 
Everyday I learn more loss.
Loss of dreams.
Lost of desires.
 
Will I become like you?
Give up.
Show spirit only when I'm violence or excited?
 
Can I stop my journey to man-hood?
My eyes from hiding tears.
Gentleness.
 
Have I travel too far?
Is the blood too strong?
 
Am I destine to hurt everyone?
I have loved.
 
If I chose my own road.
Why do I follow my father sadness.
 
                        Coyote
 
 
 
 
I
 
 
 
 

Author's Note

I was lucky. I learn from my father what not to be. His world was a hard journey. Between War and being a Mexican/Ojibwa man in a world filled with hate for race and color. In the end he did Ok. Took 50 years for him to find peace.

Reviews

[DIVYA]

Violent people are sad people and they leave great scars on those who are vulnerable to them. We carry so much of the hurt inflicted on us by our elders, especially our parents. My heart goes out to the son who has suffered so much at the hands of his father and is struggling not to become like him. He is worried that he carries his father within him and may fall into the same violent ways. But I think that the very fact that he is thinking about it is enough to keep him from becoming violent himself. Its the thought that counts, dear Coyote. Of course, there are regrettable incidents in everyone's lives but a few actions do not define an entire man and you're certainly the opposite of violent. A man full of compassion and love for his fellow beings. I hope you have found the peace you so deserve and so has your father. Thank you so much for sharing your amazing journey.

[Coyote Poetry]

I did fine peace dear and kind Divya. Four children and six children made me a kind grandfather. Thank you dear friend for reading and the comment.

[DIVYA]

I'm so happy for you, my friend. Good things happen for good hearted people. You're most welcome.

[Dori]

These writings of yours are so powerful! So many times we become the parent that hurt us the most, by hurting the ones YOU love the most. I'm glad your father found peace. I just hope it doesn't take you 50 years to find it for yourself!

[emmajoy]

As always your writing comes from the heart and/or from personal experience, consequently I feel as if i've been encouraged to remember what really matters in life. You're rarely cynical or bitter, you admit to 'moods' but we all have them; you're an example of how to fight demons, and that really does take courage.

' I learn from my father what not to be. ' And, who knows, he learned some things from you too.

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

There are always too many lessons to count...in between the lines of your
honest and candid way of sharing your thoughts. This one is a real gem...
Touching work.

[Becky C Strukamp]

I loved reading this. There was such a strong message there and there was love too...another wonderful piece of art Coyote. This thoughts we hold of our parents are forever etched into our minds and souls. Your passion shows in all your writings. I do enjoy reading them all.

[Butterfly Ninja :3]

It was a powerful and moving poem nice job :)

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

I can really relate... I have trioed hard to not be like my father... why is it easier to pass on hate then love? A question I fear will never be answered nor change.

[MuSe Ampoule]

Powerful and moving. I also strive my hardest to be unlike my parents. Both my mom and dad have mental illness and live without treating/acknowledging it. I've known that since I was very young and have worked and struggled to be nothing like them. To strive for peace and contentment and sanity. It's a very difficult thing indeed, but this path in life is our own and not theirs and I commend you for being conscious of yourself.
"Everyday I learn more loss.
Loss of dreams.
Lost of desires."
-echoes for me. The older I get the more I recognize the dreams of my youth were just that...fantasies. I strive everyday to be grateful and content with reality.

Thanks for sharing.

[Tina Kline]

We often behave how we learned growing up but we can chose to change if we recognize what we are doing. Love shouldn't hurt. Excellent write.