Chapter 3

Chapter 3

A Chapter by Catonia06

The Retribution

chapter 3

Ravens Fair was unusually quiet the following morning. It was a miserable morning with grey clouds and drizzle. Nobody was keen to speak to each other that morning, as a gruesome murder had been committed, just shortly after a young boy named Michael Ashen had been snatched; vanished without a trace.

The two detectives were driving through the town early that morning, making their way to pick up the results of the post mortem. The youngest was sitting in the passenger seat, as the eldest drove over the cobbled road in the black, 1938 Mercedes-Benz, feeling the tension in the atmosphere as they went along.

"Carl, what d’ya think happened here?" the older man asked sounding surprised, as he drove by.

"I guess they’re mourning,sir," replied Carl.

"Enough of the sir. When it’s just us two, you can call me by my name, OK?"

"OK, Robert."

"I’ll certainly need a drink after this morning. What d’ya say we go for a double whisky each after we’ve finished?"

"Should we be drinking on duty?"

Robert just glanced at him and said, "We’ll see if you don’t need one."

"Yeah?" Carl asked, looking at him curiously.

"You don’t think we’ve been called up there for a tea party, Do ya? Today, you’re going to hear every gory detail about your first serious murder case. I’d have had a drink before if I was you." He noticed the colour in Carl’s face change and he had a look of fright and dread, so he felt a bit mean - after all, Carl was relatively new to this kind of thing. He had only been doing it for under a year and was about to go and see a pathologist to hear the graphic details regarding the post mortem results for the worst case he’s been involved with so far in his short career.

"Hey, pal, don’t worry, OK. I’ll take care of the work today. Nothing gets to me," he said to the younger man to comfort him.

Robert was hardened. He’d been in the business since he was 23 and had dealt with every type of horrific crime imaginable. He had seen mothers suffering unimaginable grief through seeing their dead children and people who had been murdered, tortured or abused in the most gruesome ways possible. He forgot all about it with a glass or two of something strong and a cigar, but Carl was softer and didn’t believe that getting drunk was a cure for everything.


By about 10 am - both men had arrived and were sitting on a chair each waiting for the pathologist, but it wasn’t long before he came and brought them towards his office. He sat down behind his paperwork filled desk, reached into his filing cabinet and took out some written documents with photographs attached.

The detectives stood in the doorway dressed in their long black coats and matching hats, when Robert said, as he and Carl took out their badges from their pockets and held them up, "Robert Cowan and Carl Simmons; Murder and missing persons Investigation."

"Of course, please take a seat," replied the pathologist, who looked to be in his mid to late 50’s, though his skin was in good condition. He was sitting with the files ready for them, as they went over and sat opposite him.

There were 3 photographs of each body part that had an injury, and the fourth image was a full body shot, which the forensics took at the scene. Each one was numbered and set in order placed the right way around on the desk for the detectives to view.

"Edward Allen; Senior pathologist. Head of pathology. I assume you are here for the Mary Shaw murder?"

"Yeah. We came as soon as we could," Robert replied worriedly.

"Then I shall begin. Victims name is Mary Ann Shaw, aged 72 years. Height is 5 foot and 7 inches. Hair colour; grey - previously medium or dark brown. Here in image 1, she has a 25 centimetre slice almost from the right ear to the left; An exceptionally sharp instrument was used; thin bladed, most likely was a razor. It sliced straight through each artery, causing extensive bleeding," he explained whilst pointing to the wound. He then went to point to the second photo, which was a close up of her mouth, open. He pointed directly to it and continued with a deep breath, "Now, for the worst part. Her tongue had been sliced clean in half, detaching it altogether meaning her tongue was cut out. Judging by the amount of blood loss surrounding the laceration, we know she was still alive when this was inflicted. She was also alive when her throat was sliced, though that is all too obvious. I believe the same weapon was used for both injuries. Also, if you look to the third image, you can see deep bruising on her abdomen which indicates she suffered a beating at some stage, although that’s the only bruising, apart from finger marks across her right arm, which aren’t in these photographs because the image is still with forensics. But I can confirm that she bled to death, possibly in one minute once the throat was sliced."

"Is there anything we can use to catch the killer?" asked Carl.

"Ah…, that is what I called you in for, mainly! Forensics are still holding the image as they are adamant that the finger marks on her right arm are not identical, meaning it’s almost certain that you aren’t looking for a killer, but rather killers. Forensics are still examining the scene, but it’s looking doubtful I’m afraid."

"More than one did this?" asked a horrified Robert, disbelieving. "And why didn’t we see the tongue lying around on the floor?" he added.

The pathologist replied, "I was about to come around to that. The tongue, once cut out, had been forced downwards into her wind pipe. It was obvious it had been forcibly pushed into there, as she couldn’t have inhaled to that extent; it would have had to have been pushed, possibly using two fingers."

"Is that everything?"

"Yes,you may leave now."

"Just tell us, are we looking at the possibility of this happening again?"

"If forensics prove correct that there was more than one person involved, you may be looking at the possibility of gang crime."

"Listen, pal, I’ve seen gang crime every day of my career and I can say, they don’t kill old ladies like that just for fun."

"It’s a possibility. It’s a very satanic killing, isn’t it?"

"That’s why I don’t believe it was a gang. They harm people who get involved with them and double cross them and have shoot outs."

"Yes and they also harm the families of which you have just described, Mr Cowan. I don’t specifically mean those. There could be a gang of united, depraved individuals at large."

Robert walked out at that moment, followed by Carl after thinking for a second, hoping that the pathologist was wrong and it was only the work of a disturbed individual.

© 2010 Catonia06

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Did a bit more reading and sensed there was a pace issue. It would be worth printing the script and reading it out loud to see if you stumble through any sections, it will help you to move a few commas around. I have struggled for a long time with pace, boy loses dog, rescues dog, falls in love, and saves the world and I am still only on page fifteen. Had to really pace myself doing the Charlie story and it still happens too quickly! Will read some more because it has the makings of a good story and is well worth the effort. Good stuff!

Posted 10 Years Ago

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1 Review
Added on August 18, 2010
Last Updated on November 19, 2010
Tags: Dead, Silence, Mary, Shaw



United Kingdom

First time writer that hopes to learn and develop a new skill.I've never written anything before,so be helpful in your reviews and be precise e.g. say exactly what could be done to improve it,rather t.. more..

Chapter 1 Chapter 1

A Chapter by Catonia06