The Water's Edge

Kids play on the edge....

“GO!”

“NO!!!  YOU go!”

Pushing the younger boys out of his way, PJ broke through to the edge and went.

All the other  boys stayed still, jaws hung open.

It was a long fall.  Much longer than it looked.  PJ had been free floating for seconds upon seconds, but it seemed to be days upon days.  Finally, a splash was heard from below.  A few sighs were heard among the shuffling of feet.

“You’re next!” said Lucy as she pushed her little brother off the edge of the cliff.  The boy immediately fell forward and decided if he was going down this cliff, he’d go down in style.  He swan-dived to the sea below.

“Lucy!!!” Ellen yelled.  “PJ hasn’t even come up yet, what the hell….”

Ellen’s voice was overcome by the sounds of applause rolling along the echoing canyon.  PJ had resurfaced.  Then, slowly, one person at a time began to notice, he wasn’t moving.

Lucy and Ellen stood arm in arm saying silent prayers for their brother.  Silently, one by one, the others dispersed, leaving the girls alone on the edge.

This time, when the body broke back up through the water’s edge, no one applauded.

 

Author's Note

I feel suddenly wicked. hmmmm.

Reviews

[Rain]

It is one of a parents hardest decisions. How far up the tree should you let them go? How far away can they ride their bike? This is a great piece that reflects the recklessness of youth, and how hard it is to be a good parent. It's a very sad and compelling story. How many times, as a youth, did you throw your fate to the wind? Excellent write. Rain..

[raining]

I felt like I was at the scene of this. It impacts you as you read it. If you have been at any time at an accident this is how it unfolds. It grabs the reader, of course the next challenge is to develop the aftermath..... of how the sisters will handle this etc as bright eyes says.

Or you can leave it short. Just for the fun of it however you might want to sketch out a longer story..... thanks ......raining

[Gandré]

this is truly sad . a life can be destroyed so easily... you write good small stories.. I love to read them. great writing.

[BrightEyes]

this is eerie not so much from what happens...as the inconclusive ending....yes, the bodies are not moving...but does that mean they are dead??? or just unconcious?? It haunts me too...that the sisters' had a hand here in whatever has happened to their brother....something that is sure to leave marks upon their souls...As I live in the country, where rope swings over rivers...and jumping off cliffs into lakes is fairly commonplace even today....this also tells of innocent childhood games...that can so quickly and easily take a turn.

*hugs*
laura

[Robyn]

I felt something evil in this piece as soon as I read the line, "as she pushed her little brother off the edge of the cliff."
It's a powerful little piece and I love how you contrast the beauty of the swan-dive with the ugly reality of the death.
You described it as, "Kids play on the edge," which is quite ironic in a sense. You never really expect children's games to end in tragedy, and it's the sad truth that they can, and do. In so few words you really strengthened the idea that children aren't protected from the darkness of this world, though they often think themselves immune.
I really liked this piece.

[fotini]

don't tell me he's dead!!!!
wow good story!

[Sean M. Addams]

very nice tale.... ending kind of took me by surprise .... overall i really enjoyed this piece and thought you did a good job with it... i'll put this in general reading so i can read this again sometime... very impressive piece:)