Angels

A short poem I wrote. It's a lot darker than it seems.

Their silken wings embrace me

as the pressure on my neck gives way

to a warmth all over.

 

My mind slows down time

for just a moment.

My eyes dry.

 

A calm pervades the air

as they take me away

my pain subsides

 

But they let go.

The pressure comes back, suffocating.

The  pain swells to full force.

 

Why? I ask, why do you leave?

Why do you abandon me?

 

They fly away.

 

I hit the floor on my knees. 

The knot had come untied.  

Reviews

[Lloyd Frieson-Small]

Very introspective piece. I see massive profundity in the depth of your metaphors. Excellent use of vocabulary. Big plus for a flawless presentation..

[Libby]

So incredibly wise! This reminds me of the buddhist theory of "ego knots." which is to say, someone who is on the path to enlightenment has certain "knots" to untie before fully realizing their enlightenment. sometimes the most incredible things manifest themselves when you're overcoming those obstacles. then, when they pass, there might not be an "ego knot" but life itself isn't quite as magnificently eventful. a life without knots is definitely preferred. hopefully that's somewhere close to your meaning!

[Average person]

Oh my.. this was.. beautiful of course but the meaning in it.. I just.. :c that made me sad.. and I apologize greatly for the late review ! Ive had tons of AP work and have been without internet so I/m just now getting through all my read Requests!

[Rogie-Dodge]

Love this. The welcoming of relief of death and love of angels that you don't find in life. Though the suicide was an attempt at losing life, the failed suicide lost even more.
Certainly hope its not (knot) from personal experience. Beautifully written.

[Rogie-Dodge]

Though I'm not sure in reading .. do the angels abandon you because the knot unties and you aren't going to die .. or does they abandon you before that and you realise that death is not the escape you wanted and then the knot unties. Perhaps you can enlighten me ??

[Chaz Hemsworth]

The angles leave because the knot untied. They are carrying me up to heaven, but the plan fails and I'm not actually going to die.

[Rogie-Dodge]

Ahh .. ok. It could be read either way, although I thought that is what you meant.

There is also a hint there that perhaps the angels untied the knot.

Of course, that's the beauty of poetry, that it evoke different interpretations and reactions in different readers.

Cheers :D

[Bluefire]

From the beginning, I had a sense that this might be about a near death experience.
But near the end, it seemed more than that.
This is thought provoking and intriguing.
Well done!

[s y e]

OMG, this has so much depth to it. It is darker than I thought it would and definitely not what I was expecting. You blew me away... Intense and deep. You need to read it a few times to get the full meaning but wow, fantastic.

[Chaz Hemsworth]

Thanks for reading! I hoped that I could try to make my writing more figurative and not cloud the meaning up. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[cycy]

wow Chaz, this is really intense and deep, umm, don't even know what to make of it, the ending, wow, didn't expect it at all, it was just like like, bam!!
"They fly away.
I hit the floor on my knees.
The knot had come untied."
well written, this is really good hey, i loved it it definitely brings a different feel to the whole suicidal angle, very different from some of the other suicidal stuff i have read on here.

[Chaz Hemsworth]

Thanks for commenting! I wanted to portray the angels in an ironic way, I hoped that it worked, and it did I guess.