My Conversation with God

during a dark and stormy time in my life

Far into the darkness did I fall?

There was no light to welcome me.

All that lay before me was loneliness and despair.

And in the end I did not find me there.

Why am I here? And exactly where is it I am?

How did I get here?  Will I stay?

Where have I been?  Why did I leave?

Where am I going, and will I ever get there?

 

Down into the darkness �" so vast is this nothingness I fear will swallow me.

I am lost so deep there is no light �" the air is hard.  I cannot breathe.

The walls are cold and the floor beneath my feet �" seems to fade away.

Should I go back?  Why? There’s nothing or no one there missing me.

After all I did leave.

Now a distant voice whispers, it’s better to go on �" maybe someone waits for me.

Vaguely I seem to recall that before I left, it wasn’t really so bad after all.

I hear evil calling �" it beckons me.

I feel the hiss of its voice as it batters me,

“Foolish you are, no one waits for you but me.  Go deeper into the darkness, allow it to and it will strengthen you.”

I begin to walk again- I stumble and fall, and only my tears are there to comfort me.

There is no comfort �" I feel no joy.

My heart remembers once there was light and I could see.

Yet by choice �" my own to make �" I reached down for my needs to meet.

In the staleness of my own desire �" it was not as I thought it might be.

The longer I stay the harder it gets for me to leave.

The path below is easy to see, and nothing there seems to hinder me.

No left.  No right.  No return.

Only these endless circles are now all that I fear is available to me.

I seek some comfort �" to numb my mind.

No joy no joy �" this is not where I’m meant to be.

I’ve gone so far �" I’ve been so wrong �" how could there be any good left in me?

That hiss reminds me �" “you’re damaged now �" and belong here with me.

Give me your will and I’ll own your soul.  I alone am what you need.

There’s no shame �" no guilt �" not here with me.”

 

I think of all that I have done.

And the sadness of it all is a burden and steals the very heart of me.

The tears fall freely now, and I silently scream �" this cannot be all that is meant for me.

Weakly I hear a voice that calls to me �" it gently whispers deep in the core of me.

“Come home my child, he cannot hold that which belongs to me.”

My mind scoffs and says to me, “home, I have no home, it has abandoned me.”

I’m in the pit �" it pulls at me �" it’ll be easier to quit the fight,

and let this darkness devour me..

The whisper comes and says to me, “come home my child,”

The richness of the voice warms me and fills my heart

And reminds me of all I had before and want to have again and more

I need the warmth of that voice to strengthen me

Yet only silence fills the air.

“Where are you?  You’ve left me in here all alone, you’ve stopped talking to me,

And I can’t see you where you are.  Please come back for me.”

“I am here my child �" as I will always be.  I’ve never left you �" now will I ever let go of you.”

“But I didn’t hear you �" and why did you let me get here?”

“I planned you long before I made the world, I gave my Son to keep you free.

I love you child.  I could never abandon you.”

“Yet here I am �" and I can’t come back to you, don’t you see what’s become of me?  You left me here with nothing but this putrid air to breathe.”

“No my child �" you left me.  In my love for you, I’ve stayed with you �" yet I cannot lead where you refuse to follow.”

“You are strong, and the power is yours.  You could have called out to me and told me what I ought to do.”

“Sweet child of mine, so loudly did I call to you, and yet you chose not to heed my call.”

“In your power don’t you think you might have saved me?  You could have forced me to stay with you.”

“You have been saved and set apart.  You are then and now my child.  I gave you free will �" the direction you choose to go is yours.”

“Why do you do that �" when you know what a dreadful place this to be?”

“I gave you all that was mine to give �" the gift of life eternally and all I ask is that you follow me.”

“Well it looks like I needed a map.  Then maybe I wouldn’t have gotten lost at all.”

“I gave you my Word to guide you.”

“Your Word?  But how was I suppose to see?”

“You must open the Book my child.  It is full of my promises, and I AM faithful to keep them all.”

“I’ve felt so alone �" and I didn’t hear you anymore �" those things I did �" how is it that those deeds are such you can forgive me?”

“You were forgiven before you even thought to do the deed.  You are never alone �" I only waited for to call out to me.  Here my child, reach up and take my hand, and let me help you Stand.”

The joy of standing hand in hand with HIM was almost more than I could bare.  “Don’t let go I cried, I could fall again.  I don’t want to die here in this pit.”

“You are safe here in my arms �" through faithful prayer and obedience to my Word �" you can remain standing.”

I felt the strength flow deep inside, as those arms tenderly held me, and I knew with all I am I was safe.

“Child you will be tempted yet again and again �" your adversary will ever try to snare you with his deceit.  What will you do my child?  The choice is as ever yours alone to make. It is up to you.  It is your call.  How will you answer?”

“You are my Lord, my Father so I’ll call my brother, my Savior, and He can help me with my behavior.  And I will just stay home.”

2/4/06

Reviews

[emmajoy]

“I gave you all that was mine to give " the gift of life eternally and all I ask is that you follow me.” -
“Well it looks like I needed a map. Then maybe I wouldn’t have gotten lost at all.” - “I gave you my Word to guide you.” - “Your Word? But how was I suppose to see?” - “You must open the Book my child. It is full of my promises, and I AM faithful to keep them all.” - “I’ve felt so alone "

Your wonderfully wandering outpouring touches so many places both physical and spiritual... by its finish i felt near drained until... at the very end i felt what you might have.. that, one is never alone if you listen for the voice...

A post of utmost value and inspiration... thank you for sharing it.

[Cree Nations]

Thank you for taking time to read my journey and to leave a review. No we are never alone, and I'm so happy being in My Daddy's Arms again...

[Jodash]

This is great. Inspiring.

[A. Amos]

Life is all about waiting for the moment to be in presence of our Lord Jesus Christ...I love your story simply wonderful!

[Cree Nations]

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on my words.

[A. Amos]

You're most welcome my friend

[NeiL ArandA]

I finally stumbled on something . What a true story which I can relate myself . What a deep reflection of our ever growing desire and longing to see and be with Jesus oneday . It is a heart felt cry of every born again believer to have that deep intimate closeness with Him as we advance in years , the struggles and loneliness we have to endure . As our sight failed and our strength fade the more real is the redemption story . Though the heartaches and heartbreakes are sometimes too great to bear and endure . Just keep our eyes on the price .You are not forgotten and most certainly not alone ... There Is A Place .

[Cree Nations]

Thank you for taking the time to read my work. I have struggled and fought with Satan throughout my life. The battles have been fierce, however, never at any time did I fear him. Because greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world.

[Coyote Poetry]

A very strong story. All of us struggle for understanding. A wise person can find understanding in their life. Thank you for sharing the outstanding story.
Coyote

[khalid]

i have really enjoyed the story. although i dont like the idea of a link between god and any..simply because god is so much superior to contact with any creator except the chosen ones who are the prophets..even not all of them...

anyways..i am completely different in beliefs than you have mentioned here, but since i believe in freedom of beliefs..i liked your story..