Dying star

Dying star

A Poem by CheekyChoco
"

This is about a son coming to terms with the death of his father, narrated through the lens of science fiction.

"

A father’s final moment captured slow.

I found for naught such quick demise devoid,

Of feeling free within his skin but so,

Forgotten. Space had torn him up embroiled,

Entirely. Orange blazed before a son

Had reached the summit, burning white as death

In blackest nothing. Something moved abrupt,

Things moved and I perhaps began to sense -

Then terror boarded, horned, and hidden deep

In shadows people purposed purely plain

To me: The Earth desired the death of me,

To pump such light and heat from stars to wane.

But I, though first resisted fate, embraced

It, being my heroic death in space.

 

© 2020 CheekyChoco


Author's Note

CheekyChoco
Could the ending use work? What bits require changing?

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Featured Review

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Gee
Have read this three times and each have struggled both with the punctuation and meaning. Saying that I am as thick as a brick so could well be me and nothing to do with your writing. Once some of the more talented folk read and review we'll see just how dumb I am.
Welcome to the cafe, hope you enjoy your time here.

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

CheekyChoco

9 Months Ago

Thanks for the review. I agree that I need to work on being more clear.



Reviews

I loved this. I love space. I love how we are made from stardust and your poem absolutely captures this in the language you use. " A fathers final moment captured slow" you set the entire poem of on the right foot. This is a super nova. A violent, destructive death of a star and with it comes the rebirth as matter forms and brings planets, moons and life. and in the poem you witness it.

Grammar will come later you can always go back and refine. but I don't think you need to change your words. they're your words and you chose to use them.

I enjoyed this poem greatly. good write.

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

CheekyChoco

9 Months Ago

Thank you so much for your review. Thanks to you, now I believe that I need to concentrate on my gra.. read more
Gee

9 Months Ago

I'm chuffed that you got the above review :))
[send message][befriend] Subscribe
Gee
Have read this three times and each have struggled both with the punctuation and meaning. Saying that I am as thick as a brick so could well be me and nothing to do with your writing. Once some of the more talented folk read and review we'll see just how dumb I am.
Welcome to the cafe, hope you enjoy your time here.

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

CheekyChoco

9 Months Ago

Thanks for the review. I agree that I need to work on being more clear.

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41 Views
2 Reviews
Added on November 29, 2020
Last Updated on November 29, 2020
Tags: writing, stars, poem, sonnet, shakespeare, science fiction, love, death, metaphor, colour, poetry, rhyme, dark

Author

CheekyChoco
CheekyChoco

Padiham, England, United Kingdom



About
I love writing essays, short stories and sonnets. Please check out my poetry that I regularly upload to instagram @stanaitisnicholas more..

Writing