Writing hint 4

Flashbacks

Dan Brown's Tip for beginning a flashback 1st) Make it clear that a memory is about to occur. 2nd) lead into the memory in past perfect(to solidify this detail that this is a flashback) 3rd )Once the moment is ready to unfold switch from the past perfect to past tense (this allows the memory to be felt). 4th) Make it clear to the reader your character is back in the now.

here is my stab at it:

 I sat with the injured woman and held her hand while waiting for help to arrive. I kept my voice smooth and low, smiling at her from time to time. I thought back to my wreck, that happened when my kids were young.

I had to get the children to the sitters and get to the police station by eleven pm.  It had been snowing, I had been in a hurry, and as I merged onto 169 highway northbound the sound of crunching snow ramped up my anxiety. Black ice paved the snow piled roadway. The backend of my van whipped around. My vehicle was in a full spin, and though I had not been driving fast, the van picked up speed as it circled around three or four times. The vehicle traveled to the left, leaving the paved highway.

The soft ground stopped the spin, and now the van changed its trajectory, now sliding southbound I could plainly see my children and I were going to hit one of the towering lights in the center media. I was sick with panic. I hit the breaks, nothing, I tried turning the wheel again nothing. Sounds of metal crashed in my ears, then silence. I awoke submerged, in icy water that filled the ditch. I landed in arms reach of the light pole, and used it to pull myself upright. I could not grasp the how of it. Why, was I out of the vehicle? I thought rivers of mud was falling off my head, blurring my vision. I hobbled to the van unaware of injuries desperate to check on my three and four year. I wrenched the sliding door open. Inside the van, the children were silent.  The driver’s seat was broken off its pedestal. It completely covered my daughter’s seat. Total fear flooded my body. I was terrified to see what I would find when I uncovered her.  Large saucer eyes stared back at me, and at first sight of me, she began to cry and yell. “Mommy your bleeding,” I had no knowledge of being hurt.

The woman moaned, and the memory left me. Her crying grew louder. She is now feeling her own panic, the panic of being trapped in a vehicle that is partly submerged in icy water. I began telling her about my favorite summer day as we waited in the dark for help.

Author's Note

I really like the past perfect intro to the flash back, then bringing it back to just past tense, it gives the scene a jolt.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This is a much-needed & well-illustrated topic for our cafe. I find myself seeing "had" used in places where it doesn't seem to belong (altho I never think in terms of "past perfect", etc.) I see people going from "had" action to regular (immediate) action without a reason I can discern. We can all use more ideas about using past perfect! *wink! wink!* Fondly, Margie

[Cherrie Palmer]

I like using memories, and I like the example Mr. Brown used.

[Robert Trakofler]

I'm sorry to ask this Mon Cherrie....
but could you give example of this to help my cracked brain absorb this better? I find this all fascinating I can envision most of this in my head but its still a bit foggy.

[Cherrie Palmer]

I will ..:)

[Cherrie Palmer]

Okay I gave it a whirl :) someone else my need to jump in for a better example.

[Robert Trakofler]

Wow that worked wonderfully I’m saving this you make me want to try to do stories thank you

[Cherrie Palmer]

Don't let go of your natural voice when switching toshort stories. The poets voice makes powerful tales. I took two real stories and melted them together. You would be excellent at it.

[Kent Rawski]

I've never studied writing in this manner
The mechanics are interesting and surely of value

[Cherrie Palmer]

Me either I just started last year reading practices of well written authors.
At heart I'm a storyteller I use instinct to propel a piece.
Several things I read I do in a closet writer sort way.
But a few things appeal to my style ( again if they would call what I do note worthy). While other tips scream at me, this is the way ot should be handled.
Anywho I've begun a list. :)