Shadow Kingdom

God is something that

wants to escape

secret after secret,

mind alone, only...

only mind alone

She, dressed in immortality

a strange vitality,

that others search for

without knowing

The sun's arrival

awaits ascenscion

to a new dawn

Sunrise kingdom...

empty with the song

of spherical light

so round,

it can't be seen

There, flight

never turns off,

like the sea, it flies

I sing, oh kingdom,

your mute route

the loudest song,

louder, for the other side

the other side, for the loudest

The sea,

ancient mirror

bleeding memory

of immortal wings

Frontier where I find

the only ghost,

Here wings don't need

balance in order to fly 

Dios es algo que 

se quiere escapar,

secreto tras secreto

mente sola, solamente

solamente mente sola

Ella, vestida de inmortalidad

una  extraña vitalidad

que otros acechan

sin saberlo

La salida del sol

espera ascender

a un nuevo amanecer

Amanecer reino

vació con el canto

de luz esférica,

tan redonda

que no se ve

Ahí el vuelo,

nunca se apaga...

como el mar, vuela

Canto, reino sombra

tu ruta muda,

El canto mas alto

mas alto, para el mas allá

el mas allá, para el mas alto

El mar, espejo antiguo

recuerdo sangrante

de alas inmortales

Frontera en donde encuentro

el único espectro,

Aquí las alas no necesitan 

el balance para volar

Author's Note

I originally wrote this in spanish but decided to include it in english for those who don't know the language!
I personally like it better in spanish, just the sound of the words and they seem to match better with the theme. Being bilingual it tends to happen, sometimes things come out better in one language than the other.

I hope you enjoy :)

Reviews

[Ian Faraway]

I loved this poem. I feel like there's something missing that could make it better but I can't put my finger on it. I liked how you went to Spanish, it's always interesting to try to read another language (Spanish isn't one of mine but I gave it my best shot). Personally, I'm as much about presentation as I am about what I'm writing. I think font and the way it's formatted can add or subtract from the impact the reader has. JUST A PREFERENCE FOR ME!

"She, dressed in immortality
a strange vitality,
that others search for
without knowing"

Reading the second stanza with 'she' made me think of a conversation I had with a friend about God being a female. Anyways, I loved the concept and how God has the thing that everyone searches for - immortality. Hands down, my favorite stanza in this poem.
J'adore! Ian Faraway

[Frontier]

Haha yes I also like that stanza, I don't put a gender unto God though, I think God is both genders fused. Yes, immortality it is.

Thanks! :)

[Ian Faraway]

It's always interesting to see how people view God. I'm indifferent to the idea. I'm open minded but I don't worship or practice any religion.

[joshua deathdealer]

Wow. As a preachers son I was raised Baptist and I have always struggled with how God is represented there and in almost every religion. After many years of searching and struggling through forced beliefs I have come to a very similar understanding but I could have never put it in a poem as beautiful as this one. The spanish put a really nice touch as well. Thanks for sharing.

"others search for
without knowing

The sun's arrival
awaits ascenscion
to a new dawn"

[Frontier]

It's interesting to see everyone that grew up "religious" and they have since changed, and that their view seems concordant with theirs. Thanks again Joshua :)

[Mister_Sir]

For about two years now I've been really into studying religion, philosophy, occultism, and metaphysics. A lot of what I believed before this time has changed since, and this poem is definitely a kind of expression for the change that has roused within me. I don't actually understand Spanish, but I decided to read your Spanish version as well, and just the sound of the words was beautiful to me. I am pretty fluent in Russian myself, but sadly I can't really write in the language, which is weird, because I can somewhat read it. However, I love how song and poetry sound, so sometimes I like to just spontaneously make up poetry in my head in Russian, and it sounds amazing, so I think I kind of get how you like the poetry in a different language. Anyway, your piece is beautiful, and I love it. Keep up the great work.

Neurotically yours,
Mister Splitbrain

[Frontier]

Those subjects have also been floating around me longer than I can be sure of, but I've been more actively reading since about a year, it really does make you see existence differently. Haha, I guess song flows out better in the "mother tongue".

[Nusquam Esse]

My favorite stanza was
"Amanecer reino
vació con el canto
de luz esférica,
tan redonda
que no se ve"
The image, and the way you finish it (seriously, the fifth line works so well with the prior couplets) creates an intriguing surreal feeling to it; it reminds me of Pablo Neruda, the way that some of his poems carry such a mystical feeling of the innocent and naive, and yet sagacious and poignant, all in one enigmatic surreal experience.

I agree, the Spanish version is better, the words flow better and the repetition seems more natural.

As a fellow multilingual writer, I can relate all too well with the difficulty in translating; but in my case, both versions seem to have a feeling and meaning that the other is missing.

[Frontier]

Thank you Nusquam! I really enjoyed this review, and that it seemed mystical/innocent/poignant to you. I gotta read some more Neruda then! Haven't read him in quite a long while haha.

[Nusquam Esse]

I read "El libro de las preguntas" a couple months back, and some of the impressions are still hazing about in my mind. Such an odd blend of perspectives, and I couldn't help but feel a similar vibe here.

[Frontier]

Aha! I will have to check it out. So, do you think this poem is good enough to enter into an annual poetry contest? I'm in that process of choosing...since it's a limit of 3.

thanks :)

[Nusquam Esse]

Not Sure, I am not a good judge for poetry, it is all so ambiguous.

[just Penny]

This is an area of interest for me. Having been raised a Catholic, then experimenting with different beliefs and religions before finally finding something that I am comfortable with that doesn't control me or tell me how to speak and think, or behave. I love your lines
She, dressed in immortality
a strange vitality,
that others search for
without knowing
Sometimes what we seek is right there inside of us.
Excellent writing. Penny

[Frontier]

Thanks, I'm glad you liked :)

[Sibusiso Xtdo Gama]

god remains faithful, well done.

[Frontier]

Thank you Sibusio :)

[CatT]

Loved these lines...

"The sun's arrival
awaits ascenscion
to a new dawn"

This is a lovely poem. I love poetry that touches on the metaphysical.

[Frontier]

Thanks Cat!!! It's a topic that I'm really into lately :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i remember some Spanish but not enough...so glad for the English...

i find this something i can relate to...even being raised Catholic, the concept of God was always something i wrestled with....moreso because of organized religion...but there is something out there and we come to understand it little by little, day by day..."wings don't need balance to fly"
and we don't have to understand everything in order to believe in something bigger than we are...

[Frontier]

Thanks so much Jacob. I was raised as Christian and I guess I still kind of am but I don't feel a need to attend church, and I also feel I have a much broader view of "God" than when I was younger.
Thanks for reviewing.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

same with me...and i certainly don't feel that God is just in a building one day a week...i stopped attending a long time ago, but not believing...

[Clockwork]

This piece has a particularly metaphysical vibe. You walk the line between heaven and earth with this one. You make a good case that God doesn't want to be found, and continually proves to be illusive.

You're first two lines really had me. They are truly sparkling gems, full of philosophy, complete with poetic punch. Brilliant.

I think your sixth stanza really shines in this poem too. Not only does the speaker yearn for what she has already stated is illusive, but there is so much sound in those lines. You did a great job mixing repeated vowel sound into the second line, all while creative a rhyme. The liquid sounds of the L words also really make that stanza really sing.

You're Spanish version is beautiful. The whole poem sings. Absolutely beautiful.

[Frontier]

I am pleased that you could see the metaphysical in it. I actually got inspired by reading metaphysical texts and as I was walking it all flowed out. I say that God doesn't want to be found because it is up to us to find Him. He has always been there, hence the "god is something that wants to escape" To me the sixth stanza kind of seems like a hymn, and I wasn't even conscious of all the "L's" but now I see them and Im glad with that result, makes it even more "hmyn-like".

Thank you so much for reviewing.

[Clockwork]

Yes, I have a deep affinity for metaphysical poetry, and I like when a poet pushes the boundary between heaven and earth.

I agree with your assessment that it is up to us to find God, which isn't always the easiest thing to do.

Yes, that sixth stanza really does sound like a hymn.

You're welcome :-)