Breaking Through

i wrote this a long time ago and i just found it!

Surrounded by darkness

Day by day

Swallowed by emptiness

As I decay.

 

I keep on pushing

Ikeep on fighting

But everyone has a breaking point

I'm just waiting for mine.

 

I'm getting closer

To the happiness

That I seek

As I break through the darkness.

 

In which so long I have weeped.

Author's Note

this is from 5th grade, so I understand its not that good. I don't edit my poems that are from anymore than a month ago because I don't know what my thoughts were when I originally wrote it, so this is unchanged.

Reviews

[Chamil3001]

very good! i feel your urge to break free in every poem..

[Camille Corbett]

This is awkward, but better than your other s**t. At least you're capitalizing here.

[SilentDreamer]

Wow, for fifth grade though that's pretty good. :) Keep writing.

[Cassandra D.]

Not bad.
I found this a very enjoyable piece.
Even though you think it isn't good, others sure did go against your opinion.
Nice Job.

[Coyote Poetry]

A very sad beginning to your poem. I did like the positive ending. There was a little hope. A excellent poem. Thank you.
Coyote

[Revolved]

Well I just spotted one mistake.The second stanza, line two right in the beginning you need a space between I and keep. Other than that this is pretty good for a fifth grader! I understand since you are a writer, and probably not in fifth grade but you still have it in your blood, so it turned out pretty awesome! Excellent write :)

[Sexy P3nguin]

5th grade? Damn, that is pretty good. The flow is a little choppy at times but other than it is a really good poem. The rhyme scheme is nice and it tells a great story. All in all great write.

[Cassiopia Summers]

Not bad actually. (: Your fifth grade self wasn't a bad writer.