War in my Mind

An ode to writer's block and also...feeling rather crappy so here goes.

I see my words

Splayed all over the page

Purposeless like the people-herds

Or an actor forgetting lines on the stage

I can't seem to understand

All that I've written

I can't seem to comprehend

The words that were spoken

My pen moves independently

But the words sometimes do not flow

My thoughts burn incessantly 

How I wished they would slow!

But how do you live without a thought?

And with your mind always besieged?

Will you be so utterly distraught?

With all of your defenses easily breached?

The pen is my sword

The words are my armor

But my thoughts are a gorge

And of my mind they have conquered!

So where do I go?

When my options are spent

What happens to this pen in my hand?

When the words are gone and I'm staring at the end? 

Reviews

[Decanter Red]

Well, well, i think we should share a high-five because I get that feeling a lot when I write. I was tempted to check another piece of your poetry after revewing another one, because I just love your rhymes hahaha! Your pace and flow is suited nicely to the content, added with the realistic imagery and appropriate mood. The title did not dissapoint after I read the entire poetry, after all, some poets have a very different content from what they put in the title. Like the new song from 'Nickelback' called 'This Is War', this really is a war, but in one's mental confinement.

[Christopher Angel]

^5! Then you and I are probably on the same wave-length and it's heartening to know someone that shares similar feeling. I wrote this when all I could do was stare at the words on the page but I was not understanding them. I could not form thought or write anything. It was painful so this poem was literally a product of every first sentence that managed to form coherently in my mind. I'm so glad you like it!

Wasn't it 30 Seconds to Mars that did the song, 'This is War'?

[Decanter Red]

Well, writing is a pretty self-indulgent process. You get drowned easily in it, worse is the part when being a full-time writer (which I am not) requires little interaction with other people from the outside world, with the exception of your editor. You can turn quite absorbed in your own world and get disconnected with everything else, whether it's for good or bad. That's why...if I am a full-time writer, I'm afraid you might end up finding me slumped over my desk, dead for a few days for unknown reasons :P

Oh! Nickelback did have the song in their newest album. You should check it out! Not surprising since many songs share the similar titles.

[Christopher Angel]

I totally agree with you because I am a full time writer (not fiction writer) at my job, I loathe interacting with people and spend my free time adventuring in whichever virtual world I happen to crave. Only time I interact with people is at the gym nightly but then I love the weights for. You might find me dead at my desk or at the weight rack :P If not, I'm firmly absorbed into a world disconnected from reality. We think alike :P

Ah I shall have to listen to it now-ish then!

[Decanter Red]

Ahh I see...I can never be scratching my pen for a career because my mood comes and goes. Somehow, I have an exceptional flood of ideas and time to burn this year so I've been on a marathon...first time I can go over 11000 words (all my other books on writerscafe are written this year). Unfortunately, good times has to end soon *sob*.

I've been rather reclusive lately, but still, when the time comes I like more human interaction to remind myself that I'm still alive :P

Yeah I guess we think alike. I happen to frequent the gym a few times a week too. I don't know if you like dubstep music, but it gives a good boost to me for training. ;)

[Christopher Angel]

I totally get you. I've suffered once from a writer's block for four years and when it ended, it was like the flood gates opened up and I could not stop writing. It comes and goes and especially when your day job is as a writer...it comes more often. Burn-out I guess.

Oh I like to remind myself I'm alive too that's why I hit the gym and the heavy weights. Nothing like pain to make you remember :P I don't listen to music because I'm training others too so it won't be easy for me see to them with music blaring. When I'm alone, I listen to whatever's motivational at that point on loop. Could be Godsmack 'I stand Alone' to some random K-pop song with a good beat haha!

[Decanter Red]

Exactly! This is what happened to me this year! :O it's so liberating when you break free from the prison though.

I guess the gym i go to is antisocial then >.> everyone is so absorbed in their little world haha.

Yes! The pain! When I wake up the next morning, it feels like my body is burning, but I love it hahaha!

K-pop huh? Yeah, they can be quite catchy on the tune. The songs I listen too are quite random, and usually are the ones who inspire a certain piece.

[Christopher Angel]

Lol I listen to it to amuse myself. It's uncharacteristic for me to be listening to such songs so I do it just for the irony and also, what's life without a little whimsy?

[Decanter Red]

Hahaha! True true. It's a closet pratice for me to listen to k-pop or japanese pop music. If my friends knew of that, they would drop their eyeballs on the pavement. My writing is quite a hush-hush business too, so without scruntiny, I can write more freely.

Yes, life should be spontaneous sometimes.

[Christopher Angel]

Well, we seem to share almost identical attributes and my eyeballs are firmly etched in my skull despite heavy eyelids at work so we're good.

I like a bit of scrutiny otherwise I wouldn't be on this site. It helps to have an audience, especially a like-minded one.

[Decanter Red]

Scruntiny by readers and authors are fine, in fact I can't get enough of it! But when it comes to offline life, it can be quite unnerving to hear from people who have a certain image imprinted for you, and how out of character your writing is (im highly-experimental) and I seriously can't be bothered to explain myself to those cynics. As far as I'm concerned, not many people from around me has read my works except from a selected few. Of course, I suppose it's a different story for you. You write for a career, afterall. :)

[Christopher Angel]

well I write other stuff...property stuff, dry stuff. I'm not particularly interested in any of the topics I write so they're more of a means to an end. And I've been told different things - from its good to it's boring. So meh, it's all relative in the end. I suppose I have a larger pool of people who'd scrutinise my work without any sense of what it means to be a writer or how much effort goes into writing something. I can take comments and criticism from writers but from non-writers...that's a tough pill to swallow. It's like a non-chef giving a chef advice.

[Decanter Red]

That sounds highly-commercial haha! Yeah, I understand that and can't agree more. But as we can see, in this world, everyone like to have a say in everything they come across, even if they have no solid idea of what's really behind. Just look at the gossip magazines >_>

[Christopher Angel]

I steer clear from gossip mags and forums for that reason. And yeah it is rather commercial haha. :)

[chandlerl]

This feels like one of your poems...with deeper meaning. I feel I get a hint into your struggle as a writer, more into who you are. This poem is lovely. I can relate to almost every line, I can feel your sacrifice towards writing and also your deep passion for it.

[Christopher Angel]

Thank you, I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. I am glad you can relate to it

[Douglas White]

This certainly describes what happens when I'm writing. Words stumbling all over themselves, piling up faster than I can write or type, then leaving me feeling at a loss when I actually finish. Very good poem, and very accurate description.

[Christopher Angel]

This is what happens when I decide to throw vocab to the wind and just write out what I feel. It was raw and gritty but it's a poem, it's supposed to induce feelings. I'm glad you enjoyed it

[Jack Buckner]

Great piece! Wow! Great work!

[Angel Bella]

This is amazing. As I read the lines far from the very begging I saw some wise person writing. But, once I reached the end I imagined someone who gave up life to write.