the real me

Desperate confusion seeps in

 

to the place where I hide

 

behind this facade

 

hoping and waiting

 

in doorways, cigarette billowing,

 

whirling away my memory in whiskey.

 

Look and see.....truly see

 

who I cannot be.

 

My lying smile and knowing eyes

 

betray the real me.

 

 

Author's Note

Second draft - 7th and 8th lines feel wrong to me.

Reviews

[Robert Luna]

Awha. We tend to hind the real us from the world for we fear they will not like what the see. So we wear mask to cover the horrrible sacrs and battle wounds life in a way to protect the world from the ugliness we feel that we are. I say to hell with that show the world allow them to marvel at the beauty of the tattered and torn parts of our souls and heart. Embrace the real us and know the wisdom learn through heartache and pain. Lessons of life that we each now know. I loved this as you can tell stoked something in me.


Great Job!!!!!!

[DarkAngelWriter]

Aw. I liked this. Sorta reminded me of Three Days Grace...

[An Ordinary Woman]

I'm glad you got them out- this poems is WONDERFUL! Yanno, your words here remind me of me ... I was in a relationship and I felt this way, I know how you feel. I can definitely relate. :+) Excellent writing my dear Christel!

[Yira Simone]

whirling away my memory in whiskey.



That is my favorite line. I like how you hide yourself, but deep down you are tide of the masking and wish someone truely see you without having to put on a happy front. I have been there and can relate very well. I think for such a brief poem, this did indeed pack a punch. I liked this a lot.-Catrina

[Cold Coffee Magazine]

This pack plenty of punch for such a short piece. Great thought and emotion throughout.

Dave

[Prose-full]

wow..it's nice first draft or not..i love this piece..

[Christopher 'Windstorm'..]

it is short but well thought out!

[Sparrow]

Well if it's a first draft it's a magnificent one. I can't wait to read the polished version.