The Shaken Innocent

A story for the rash of mothers who are able to avoid prosecution for killing the innocents by means of "shaken baby syndrome," using the defense of postpardum depression!

THE SHAKEN INNOCENT

 

Ethan felt himself drifting up into the sky, past the clouds, past the stars.  He came to rest upon a golden walkway.  He had a new form and great knowledge.  A man looked into an enormous book and read, "Ethan Allen Bowman, died at the hand of his mother May 10, 2010, born May 1, 2010.  Named by God at conception, on August 2, 2009, 'babbalifnozed.'  He has a task for you to perform, before you can enter into purity.  Please, kindly wait."

 

Ethan sat patiently, for many long years, watching new arrivals and seeing them disappear past the gates.  Then, the man with the book spoke to him, "Stand in the light and start your journey, babbalifnozed."

 

The form that he, now, had become floated into the blinding light and he could feel himself falling and falling and falling, as weightless as a snowflake.  Soon, he came to rest, but could not see past the radiant brightness.  And, he waited and waited and waited some more.

 

Outside of the protective ray, all was darkness.  A crowd had gathered and each member of the mob tried to touch "the innocent."  Ethan looked anonymous and featureless, in the beam where he was protected.  None could touch him and the crowd continued to gather, for eons of eons.  All believed that if they could touch him, they would be saved from their prison.  As each tried and failed, they continued to stand about gazing at "the innocent" in awe.

 

Deanne Lyn Bowman, Ethan's mother, tried and failed, too.  For a brief moment she wondered whether "the innocent" could be her little baby son.  Suddenly, as quickly as he had arrived, Ethan floated back to the gate, with the brillant glow disappearing behind him.  It seemed to him that he had, only, been gone for a brief moment.  The gate was open and trumpets blew, harps played, angels danced and sang.  He was swept away into the purity of Heaven.

 

Once again left in the blackest darkness imaginable, Deanne felt around for anyone who may have been in the crowd.  Finally, she realized that she was alone with her ceaseless, restless, torturous hellmares.  Her memories of any love or happiness or peace were, quickly, fading from her being.

 

With an earth rattling boom, a magnificent illumination appeared to her and she had to shield her eyes from its glare and turn away.  A thunderous voice spoke, "You have murdered one of my innocent children.  You shook your son to death, when he was crying for your attention."

 

She pleaded back to the voice, "But, I was found innocent."

 

The blaring voice roared back, "You were found innocent by an earthly judge.  Now, you will be judged by Me Deanne Lyn Bowman, 'babdelifnozed.'

 

The light had begun to fade, again, and the presence appeared to be departing to leave her stranded here alone in the abyss of sin, forever.  The voice blared into the cavern of her demise, endlessly echoing and repeating,

 

"Go to Hell,

 

"Go to Hell,

 

"Go to Hell, . . .!

Reviews

[ChristianM]

I thought this was intriguing, yet I didn't agree with the end.
If we are talking about the Heaven of the Bible then only God himself has the power to judge. And I thought the whole name thing was a little odd. If you explained that more it might make more sense.
Good story.

[Norma M Sutton]

Wow!

[TheKaylaPup]

this brings on many mixed emotions. I'm not sure what i think of it really.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Most certainly a very sad situation that happens all too often... you make quite an impact in shedding light into this situation... maybe it will make others think when handling their babies.

[Mike Espinosa]

This was an interesting story. I get the point of it, kind of. But, I really don't know what the hell just happened. I don't know what happened to Ethan, or how long the story even lasted.

I have no idea what babbalifnozed or babdelifnozed mean. If you made them up, then you should have tried at least a little to make their definitions clear.

You are comma-happy. You seem to be putting commas around half of our adverbs, or in any old place you want. It made the reading of this story confusing for me at times.

In the second to last paragraph, you didn't put in an end quotation mark.

Overall, this is a good start. But I think it could use some serious revision.

[ettorney]

I really enjoy your writing. This is a challenging subject but you deliver not only a morality tale but an almost mythical story as well.

nice write

[Bear]

congrats on a FINE WRITE!! Makes me think, wonder... what may be awaiting us all after our demise. ;~)

[Tina Kline]

A great story on a tragic subject.

[Tracie Skarbo]

great story that made me think... wonderful.

[Arthur Maurer]

This is quite an emotionally stirring piece, especially the part dealing with the mother's guilt. I like the idea of divine justice counteracting the weaknesses of earthly justice. Also, I really like the style in which this was written; it feels like an almost surreal world is created. Overall, you did a fine job.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

Sad. :o(