AIRLESS "Terminal Break" (Chapter 29 excerpt)

"Why do you love me?"

Days had passed before I found the courage to ask such a bold question. His eyes carved me over as I turned in embarrassment. His cheeks would twist with that crooked grin, and he spoke words, such resonant sounds, I thought I'd never hear.

"The first time I met you--the first time I saw you--I wasn't entirely sure what I thought."

My head bowed as I glanced out a dirty window. "You didn't have an opinion? You didn't have a train of thought?" Overlooking the river, the breaks of the surface due to protruding rocks mesmerized me, but they proved not distracting enough to keep my thoughts off of Ray.

He moved around the room, and folded the blankets we had slept upon for the past couple of days. "I wouldn't say I thought nothing. Have you ever felt as if the air was sucked from your very lungs, and you were dying for breath due to the absence of a loved one?"

My eyes fell to complete my bland expression, knowing the thought of blankness and maybe even a bit of betrayal. Betrayal from who? From that single loved one, or maybe even our creator who I thought little of.

"I know of it."

My eyes remained black.

"It was that same feeling, but," he trailed off. "Occurred backwards."

A bit confused, "You felt as if I sucked the air from you?" I directed.

"Yes."

My estranged expression pushed him further.

"As if I had loved you for a very long time. The void was filled."

Author's Note

This is only an excerpt from a much later chapter (Chapter 29 of 32). It has seemed to attract a fair amount of attention on my other accounts, so I thought I'd continue to share it. Thank you for viewing!

Reviews

[A.C. Davis]

Ha, I love it. What the guy says, "Have you ever felt as if the air was sucked from your very lungs, and you were dying for breath due to the absence of a loved one?" I love how it goes with the title. Airless. That's really cool. This was very well written, thanks for sharing it with us.

[Christoph Poe]

Thank you! This scene, which is very close to the end, really is that punch line of the novel. Both of my main characters have really been "airless" until they found one another.

Thanks again! :)
--Chris

[SydneyLK]

Very good simple, poetic prose. Very to the point, not many wasted words in this one. Even though it was just a snippet and part of something bigger, I think it gives a pretty complete picture all by itself, and left me feeling satisfied after reading it.
The only thing I was wondering was something that is more up to personal taste I think than anything else and you can throw it out the window if you want:
Saying things like "breaks of the surface due to protruding rocks" and "blankets we had slept upon" seems to be slightly melodramatic and unnatural coming off the tongue. Personally I'd re-phrase it to something like, "the ripples along the surface from the rocks below" and "the blankets we had slept on", or something along those lines, following more natural speech patterns. But, as I said, that's only personal preference, and it was a very good piece regardless, not a necessary change.
Keep up the good work!
SLK

[MandaBear]

I really liked this. Very interesting! Keep up the good writing!

[Christoph Poe]

Thank you kindly! :)

[Jack...]

I found this to be very interesting and well written. Just to grab a small slice of a much larger work, place it out here for us to see, and have it make a great first impression certainly speaks volumes of what the rest of the book must be. Very nice.

[Christoph Poe]

A big THANKS to you for looking at this. :) I know you write a lot of pieces circled around love. Though this piece sits on the subject, the backbone of the novel is Fantasy. I hope both elements shins through in the end.

Again, thank you!
--Chris

[Jared]

i know this is only and excerpt but how you wrote it made me wanna read the rest, i wanna know how it got to that point and what's going to happen next, i can see why it attracts attention.

[Christoph Poe]

Thank you for giving this a read! I can only hope everyone finds something interesting in it. I've incorporated many genres to keep my audience wide and open. Fantasy is my backbone, but romance is definitely the ribs and everything between.

Thanks again!
--Christoph Poe

[Samuel Dickens]

Just a snapshot as it is, I know I'm missing a lot. What I do see is sharp, compitent writing.

[Christoph Poe]

Do you find that appealing? Or is it a bit of a turn-off?
Thank you regardless! :)

[Samuel Dickens]

It's appealing and interesting. Not a turn-off at all.

[Christoph Poe]

Thank you again. :) I really do appreciate that you took the time to look for more out of my story. Hopefully, I'll have the next chapter up soon. (I have a lot to do with it in the time being.)

Thanks again,
Chris