Nights of dispair

to those nights I sit alone and ponder what is missing in my life, why do you torment me? my suffering must not be enough to satisfy your demonic needs and extinguish your desires. the nights true intentions prevail over my strengths and weaken me. they are for the dreary to rest their heads and enter a needed slumber, But my nights consist of longing for answers, drying my tears, and repairing my saddened heart.  I no longer sleep through the night, I no longer question why that is but accept the cruel reality. I cant remember the last time I've dreamt of a meadow with streams of flowing gold water and ruby rocks. relaxing my mind from the tension. Where is the switch to turn on my dreams? Has my imagination abandon me, leaving me in a dark room with only my lost thoughts. Where do I go from here? Will I ever again dream of golden streams and ruby rocks? Will I ever see a field of green in the night ever again? Or are the nights just a distant friend now?