Past Troubles

A Poem by Arya Le Dasmones

Kind of long, but I can't cut anything!!!

She woke up a midnight in June

the flies buzzing in her ears

the filth in the room

the decay in her soul

she just couldn't stand it anymore

heart racing

pulse beating

sweat dampening the sheets

cheap cotton sheets

she got discount price

at the broken down shack

on the corner of Rice

So tired, and yet

she couldn't sleep

her soul needed soothing

more than her back

so she rolled out of bed

stumbling, blind

tripping over the drunk

highschool sweetheart

passed out on the floor

he beat her every night

he didn't get paid

and no one paid

everyday.

She paid the rent

with no college education

no horizons

right after highschool

half year into college

fallen into that pithole

of delusions of independence

self-mindedness

So hard to get out of

working five jobs a day now

no money

no food

she scraped for rent

skipped her breakfast

she hadn't gotten new clothes in months

and the money disappeared

Like water, so hard

to hold onto

No matter how hard

how tightly she cupped her hands

It was alcohol that ran through the cracks

Love died like a summer illusion

she remembered

and so she stepped over

the nameless boy who slept on

Unconscious in the living room-

her living room

Stumbling her way to the cold bathroom

the tiles warm on her cold feet

and she turned on the tap

Listened to the water run

the water splashing down

rivulets into the crisp

porcelain sink that

knew all her worries

and had heard all her tears

seen all her cries and felt

all her fears

Everything she touched turned troublesome

Broken, cracked

A black cloud over her golden head

the dark lines under her eyes

the wrinkles that made her look

forty to her twenty

seen too much of this world

more than anyone should see

Those cheeks previously rosy

pink now looked gaunt

Starved, her eyes looked wild

and the cold droplets on her face now

They shone so bright in the mirror

Stark lamplight shining in

from the next street over

So quiet outside

not a sound in the night

and she was alone in the darkness

Sometimes it's safer to be lonely

To enclose yourself in the thorny walls

Shy away from passion fervor

Find that hazy mist of self-absorbance

where you can find nothing but

the answer.

She deserved more, than this sorry existence

She deserved more, than the damp mildew on the sink

now smelling so strongly to her

the stench of alcohol throughout the apartment

now unbearable

the messy living room

that no one cared

cause no one bothered

the dirty clothes strewn all over

she'd given up trying months

ago, but it was time

she had to make something change

she couldn't take it any longer

any more

But frustration had a name

and it was incomprehensible

And like any musician- upset

when the rhythm running through her head

disappears- disrupted by the tremolos

shivering in the melody

too cold for stark reality.

There had to be some happiness out there,

But her lot was cast,

the die was thrown

to late to take back the cards

she'd already shown

Maybe someday, someday

she'd find the strength

To call up that head hunter

For that company she couldn't remember

he'd even offered to help her get

that transfer scholarship she'd been aiming for seven months back

so she could finish college, maybe

but right now it was too much effort

to even think about

the parents that'd disowned her

the college so disappointed when

their scholarship student dropped

out of college to

get married.

The little old woman who'd tried to

convince her, to sway her mind,

ask her to stay

But there was no undo button in life,

too different from any computer science program

Six months later, starving on the streets,

hopping from abusive man to abusive boy

The job she'd won so hard

Finally

The little pay- her hard-won pay

wrestled from greasy burgers

and the giant milkshakes she dealt

out to the seventeen regulars each day

It wasn't worth it, she knew

It was silly- so easy to turn back

return home, open arms

to go the easy way.

But the pride in her heart

in her mind in her soul

said No.

To baring her heart and

accepting anything else, than her own choices

Maybe one day she'd find

the courage

but for now

she'd go back to

her new horizons

Find that packet of heaven dropped

out of the sky

That could fit in a pipe

For forty hard-earned dollars=

a short bliss

of ignorance like childhood

Before tumbling into

the bed, welcoming

the heady new dreams of

wonderous happiness

to run away to a different place

and forget past troubles.

Author's Note

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Reviews

G!o

A poem with a good storyline...have you ever thought of turning this into s story? It'd sound cool...back to poetry, it really has good sense and frigid tone but the length was a bit extended. You can like take this and turn it into a poem with stanzas then the length will be hidden behind the structure. In general this is some amazing writing..."It was alcohol that ran through the cracks
Love died like a summer illusion"....i love this