The Crash (Poem)

The glass leaves his grasp, shattering across the kitchen floor;

the wife freezes, teeth squeezing thin lips;

The young boy drops his jaw, bruised eyes darting to the door;

The husband sighs, pushes back his chair, his hands on hips.

 

With familiar motions, the man removes his belt.

The woman buries her face in scarred hands;

The boy's hands cover his face, hiding yesterday's welt;

The husband closes the distance, conjuring plans.

 

His belt whips forward, the crack like lightning.

The boy's cries ring out, piercing the night.

Crack! Crack! Crack! for eternity the blows keep heightening.

Waves of defeat roll off the boy, mingling with his fright.

Author's Note

This is kind of a dark and unpleasant topic, I realize. Tell me what you think. Advice and thoughts are welcome, as always.

Reviews

[AE]

I like how this is a story, but it still has a rhyming scheme. It's interesting how in the first stanza, you know the kid slipped up, broke the glass, oops. Then in the second stanza, you start to get cautious and worried and you can feel the fear start to creep up on you. Then it sucked (not the poem, because I really like the poem). I didn't expect for it to be like that. I actually winced because I've felt the crack of a belt before and the immediate fear when you see it, then that lingering feeling afterword when you walk off feeling defeated.

[Jacob Clifford]

Thank you so much! That's exactly what I was going for: that creeping fear. That's a good point you made about that feeling of defeat. I may have to make some modifications and incorporate that. Thanks for reading!

[Hannah]

This is so sad! It's so terrible what happens to some kids.

[Jacob Clifford]

It is very terrible. Thank you for reading, Hannah.

[Lydia Shutter]

Such a terrifying scene you paint here. Vivid and intense imagery. It is a shame domestic abuse and child abuse still exist in our world. The rhyming is good, but not sure I can say I enjoyed the content. Lydi*

[Jacob Clifford]

Thank you for reading.

[Riddhi]

This is a really nice poem and i liked the way you narrated beautiful things in this poem...Keep on Writing..

[Jacob Clifford]

I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading.

[M. L. F.]

This work really instills a sense of growing fear for the boy. You feel it getting closer and closer. I feel so much for this poor boy. The imagery is VERY vivid, which is what I think makes writing really great, putting your reader in the situation itself. I really felt fear reading it, waiting for that inevitable whip. Sad, but beautiful poem...

[Jacob Clifford]

That approaching fear is what I had in mind when I wrote this; I'm glad it comes across. Thank you for reading.

[M. L. F.]

You're welcome.

[highonwords]

a domestic disturbance that leaves the trace of welts, of disappointment when a loved one hurts us

steph

[Jacob Clifford]

Very much so. Thank you for reading.

[highonwords]

you're welcome :)

steph

[Carolynn]

I come from a family where the belt was used and although not quite to this extent I did learn a valuable lesson - you should never spank, hit, whip (whatever it may be) a child in anger. Discipline them yes, but bully and hurt because you're bigger than them no! Some adults just can't control their anger and it's extremely frightening for a child - you portrayed that fear very well.

[Jacob Clifford]

I wholeheartedly agree with you, Carolynn. It's such a terrible things the "adults" decide to do. Thank you for reading.

[Shannon]

The title is interesting. I sometimes dislike when people equate abuse with an accident. But I feel like in this piece, The Crash is from the point of view of the narrator, who is powerless to intervene. So in this case, it makes a lot of sense.

[Jacob Clifford]

Thank you for reading. I'm not sure that I quite understand why equating abuse with an accident matters in regards to the protagonist. Anyway, thanks for leaving your thoughts.

[Shannon]

Let me explain further, if that is ok?

Sometimes those who perpetrate violence treat it as though they are also powerless to stop it, like an accident or perhaps a crash. So (being possible overly sensitive to such a characterization) I was prepared to find the title and content incongruous. But after reviewing it a few times, I thought the point of view did indeed matter!
And if I read you story in a manner not intended, I apologize.

[Jacob Clifford]

That explanation makes much more sense to me. And you never have to apologize to me for reading "in a manner not intended". I appreciate the act of reading and thinking about my works.

[Shannon]

I think on a piece that can be fraught with so much turmoil, it is important that I not dishonor (change?) the intent of your work with my interpretation. It is were, for example, a love sonnet about cherry blossoms, I would feel very comfortable in being completely at odds with your intent.
Also, I did not say it before, but it is indeed beautifully written and composed!

[Jacob Clifford]

I see what you mean. What I meant about not needing to apologize was more that I wouldn't take offense to someone misinterpreting it. Thanks, again, for reading and for discussing.

[Shannon]

Of course. I love discussion as much as reading and writing. I would send you a read request, but I can never make them work!

[Jacob Clifford]

I used to have that problem! It was very annoying and quite a hindrance. If you ever want me to read something of yours, feel free to send me a PM.

[Krizito]

I think it's more sad than dark. You paint the actions as a sort of. 'Routine'. The abusive Father, the Mother too scared to fight for a loved son. And the son that longs for an escape, through the door...away from the fear and monster. This is raw and powerful.

[Jacob Clifford]

Thank you for reading. I enjoy hearing your thoughts.