Prologue - Bruises

Prologue - Bruises

A Chapter by Viccy Rogers

     April May. In her opinion, she never had a chance from the beginning, especially considering her birthday was in June.

She secretly supposed it had a hidden element of grace; a glimpse of elegance about it. But just a glimpse, and it still made her different. And for that, she hated it.

Why couldn't she have been called something normal? Why had her parents embraced that pulsating urge to resist common names of her time? What had they found so terribly offensive about Sophie, Chloe, Jessica or Beth?

Day after day, April had watched these normal girls with their normal names through bloodshot eyes.

Normal girls with the same hair " brown or bleached blonde with creeping brunette roots threatening to crawl further down each scalp, both tortured through slides of hot metal in an attempt to banish every natural wave or curl, and fashioned in a perfectionist's side parting with a matching 'swoopy fringe'.

Normal girls with the same chewing-gum filled pockets and skirts rolled so high they could be easily mistaken for belts.

Normal girls with an entire Benefit range stuffed into their pockets along with a body spray which suffocates any passer-by who is unfortunate enough to inhale the expensive chemical formula of scent. All crammed tightly into every available opening of the compulsory blazer which also conveniently happens to be a perfect shield when hiding their normal mobile phones during class.

But April wasn't like that. She wasn't stunning, by any stretch of the imagination. She wasn't like what any little girl would draw when abusing the yellow and pink pencil crayons to sketch a princess. Nevertheless, she considered herself to escape the dreaded description of 'ugly' compared to most teenagers her age.

Her hair was charcoal black, and like the surface of a newly purchased grand piano, it often caught the attention of the easily distracted sunshine. It fell vertically down her back like a gushing waterfall, lapping delicately over her frail shoulders. Her full-fringe was a knife; sharp, cutting, defined. It sat neatly upon her forehead, carefully arranged to hide as much of her face as possible.

Her nose was the perfect balance between button, ski-slope and snout-like. Her skin was a rose: smooth, soft, light. It was so pale she would often be faced with a tidal wave of worried staff members offering their assistance to aid her as she was obviously ill. She could sometimes convince herself her sickly white complexion suited her, and made her appear innocent or even sweet " but most of the time she merely admitted to her unhealthy colouring.

April's eyes were something else. She remembered in a blur that they used to be a deep, striking green, but this memory was unclear " as if she had been underwater and the sights were nearly all washed away as something else clouded her vision. However, over time this striking green had faded away and been drained from her pupils as if someone had forcefully been tugging at a metaphorical plughole all her life and they had finally pulled it from her, liberating all the colour. This left behind an empty grey, like an avatar which someone had forgotten to chose a colour for so the default setting remained. These sad, grey eyes widened at danger, darting from one space to another, undermining her poker-face and without permission, revealing her emotions to any audience.

Because of all of these things, April spent her days alone. She was more cautious and diligent than you would expect anyone to be at her age. At the beginning of high school, some of the girls had tried to talk to her. They had soon given up. Some of the less quiet and more confident girls had persisted for some time before labelling her as an outcast in permanent marker, however, this predictable outcome had pursued itself within a week when her fellow classmates had began to realise that she never said anything back.

Not one word.

Nothing besides a frightened expression and a quick turn of face; her dark hair shadowing her and allowing her to run in the opposite direction from any opportunity of conversation.

Don't talk to anyone, April had told herself time and time again in those first few weeks. Though it had been hard, she'd firmly repeated it in her mind until it had felt like someone had been screaming it down her ear every second when she panicked and almost let a response slip from her careless mouth. Never talk to anyone, April had continued to recite in her head. I mustn't, I mustn't.



© 2013 Viccy Rogers


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TLK
The first rule of writing is to kill your babies, or at least to chop their legs off.
An opener like "April May was named after both months, and as she hated her names she hated the months too..." would start with a shorter, sharper shock and involve the reader more completely from the very start.

I think you get it the wrong way round when you give April's thoughts on normal girls and then describe them. It would be more interesting if you show us how objectionably narcissistic the normal girls are first, than have April longing to be one.

Your description of April herself is very well put-together. One jarring word is "metaphorical" -- the reader should be very aware this is a metaphor already, so it is redundant.

Overall, if you really put your mind to it you could edit this prologue down to half the size. And that's the main fun in writing!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I like this a lot. I think it presents a clear picture of the character and manages to remain intriguing: not too much not too little. I liked the beginning. It reads really naturally, flows really well in most places, and the lightness and the darkness of it mingle really beautifully (if that makes any sense). I try to avoid waterfalls when I'm describing hair, though, personally. It's just a little overplayed. :)

Posted 9 Years Ago


Viccy Rogers

9 Years Ago

Thanks for taking the time to read. I'll bare that in mind about the waterfalls:)
i think this could become a very compelling story after some editing. although i like the beginning the way it is, it put a smile on my face, i agree with TLK that April's thoughts and the thoughts of others about her flip flop a little. i look forward to reading more!

Posted 9 Years Ago


Viccy Rogers

9 Years Ago

Thanks for reading it:)
Found lots of interesting matters to look into the next chapters.
I feel it has great beginning.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Viccy Rogers

9 Years Ago

Thank you!
zainul

9 Years Ago

You are most welcome :)
This captured me with the first sentence. It was unique, it was creative and funny all in one. I felt it also imediately set the stage for the characters overall vibe. I look forward to reading through the rest of this story.

Thanks for writing!
Aaron

Posted 9 Years Ago


Viccy Rogers

9 Years Ago

It's great to get such positive feedback back! I'm so glad you're enjoying it, let me know of any wa.. read more
I feel tears in my eyes
the tears become a stream
the stream rolls down the Himalaya and meets her tears to form the ocean

Posted 9 Years Ago


This's a well write, good stuff. I wanted read such kinda piece...you know what here
your "April N May "names;re totally perfect, because mostly in story's we see, we described a person wiht his/her name but her, you did a great job, you descrined months n names both as well, i liked this much...

I read this stuff, n i'm excited now to read your all chapters, because i want to know about her..."April"...why she doesn't wanna talk to anyone if other one comes onself to talk to her...i got that she was ugly n as you' did described her physical body structure i really had made view of that girl because you expressed well....n this's the main thing...

I love your this Prologue of "OUTCAST", i'm really gonna read your all chapters right now, you know what.....it's 02:00 a.m is here now n i wanted to sleep but after read your this stuff, i really don't wanna sleep, i wanna read you chapter to know about my query...to know about that girl.......

hey, i think it could be a nice story for child if i read it for 'em ....lol
what a nice story, i love these names "Aprol n may", this describe month n names both as well...it's well proof, well written stuff...

you know what your this last phrase,
Don't talk to anyone, April had told herself time and time again in those first few weeks. Though it had been hard, she'd firmly repeated it in her mind until it had felt like someone had been screaming it down her ear every second when she panicked and almost let a response slip from her careless mouth. Never talk to anyone, April had continued to recite in her head. I mustn't, I mustn't.
has made queries....what a suspense here to know about her...

well written ...you did here great job :)
I'm gonna read your chapter right now....95/100 :)

Posted 9 Years Ago


Viccy Rogers

9 Years Ago

Thanks so much for your review! I'm glad you liked it. As the story progresses it does become a lot .. read more
Criss ;)

9 Years Ago

It' totally my pleasure ...even i made my songs n bloggs n i do share that all onmy twitter a/c...bu.. read more
Viccy Rogers

9 Years Ago

I will thank you... let me know what you think of the other chapters when you get time!:)
PRetty cool stuff. I like your ability so far. You should add some space though. I love it when writers hit the enter button a few more times in order to more easily read a longer story...just a thought.



Posted 9 Years Ago


Steve

9 Years Ago

ok cool! I'll read more.
Steve

9 Years Ago

What is a benefit range?
Viccy Rogers

9 Years Ago

A make-up brand quite a lot of girls in my school use:)
The name April really inspires me....

Posted 9 Years Ago


Viccy Rogers

9 Years Ago

I'm glad! It needed to be something quite unique for the story to work:)
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TLK
The first rule of writing is to kill your babies, or at least to chop their legs off.
An opener like "April May was named after both months, and as she hated her names she hated the months too..." would start with a shorter, sharper shock and involve the reader more completely from the very start.

I think you get it the wrong way round when you give April's thoughts on normal girls and then describe them. It would be more interesting if you show us how objectionably narcissistic the normal girls are first, than have April longing to be one.

Your description of April herself is very well put-together. One jarring word is "metaphorical" -- the reader should be very aware this is a metaphor already, so it is redundant.

Overall, if you really put your mind to it you could edit this prologue down to half the size. And that's the main fun in writing!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on May 5, 2013
Last Updated on May 5, 2013


Author

Viccy Rogers
Viccy Rogers

Manchester, United Kingdom



Writing
Spiders Spiders

A Story by Viccy Rogers



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