Living With Anorexia

A Poem by Viccy Rogers

I've been hospitalised twice for anorexia nervosa, so although am now fully recovered, this highlights some of my thoughts when I was at my worst, hope it doesn't offend anyone.

I hate living, in the body I have
I hate all the walking around
Pretending I'm fine with a smile as a sign
But my self esteem down to the ground

I hate living, in the body I have
I hate when I look in the mirror
I hate that I work and I starve and I purge
Yet I never appear any thinner

I hate living, in the body I have
I hate how I make myself run
In the sun or the rain, in health or in pain
Not stopping 'til ten laps are done

I hate living, in the body I have
I hate how my thigh gap's so small
I'm just a mess, I can't eat any less
And yet I'm not skinny at all

I hate living, in the body I have
I hate all of it, every curve
I started a fast that this time will last
It's just what I know I deserve.

I can't live, in the body I have,
I hate it, I hate it, I hate it
Everyone's gone and I can't carry on -
I told you that I couldn't take it.