A Conversation and an observation

A Conversation and an observation

A Poem by Judas Hammer
"

I once saw a homeless man and he saw me. This is how I think it went.

"

 A conversation and an observation.

 

While on my daily urban trek

Walking with out knowledge of what I am to expect.

To the right corner of my eyes

 what did my eyes realize?

A half naked man on a long flight of stairs having a conversation.

This is an odd aberration.

I thought.

My prejudges I fought.

I was not surprised that he was over sized.

Tan from the roofless sky his face greets everyday.

This being clad in just a pair of ripped shorts had much say.

To himself.

It was a sick moving  monologue.

I think he mention, Milk, the Sky, and God.

His wild beard

 Appeared

 To have a life force of its own.

Man, I better leave this man alone.

Minimal eyes contact was needed.

To himself he begged and pleaded.

One minute jovial.

The next melancholy.

His mouth screaming.

While his eyes scheming

 on  survival.

Then I was spotted.

Instantaneous Felt like my insides rotted.

 He knew what I was thinking.

I felt low.

I picked up my pace.

And quickly hid my face.

In shame.

I could have been human enough to ask his name.

Then again it is rude to cut into ones conversation.

 

Who does this guy think he is supposed to be?

Looking up his nose at me.

With his tight running pants and his cheap white shirt.

If I were 20 years younger I would make that b***h wear a skirt.

(“He’s looking at us, I think harm is his reason”)

Every time you talk it sound like some sort of treason!

(“Don’t worry next year will be our season”)

That’s all you every say.

I would like to make that quick walking gawkier pay.

(“My its such a nice day in May”)

You fool its February.

Stop acting joyful and merry.

Back to this snob with his Ipod and God complex.

I would like to break his neck.

I deserve respect.

I used to be someone.

It’s not even fair.

I’m my youth I was a millionaire.

If he talks to me I would tell him how.

Here and now.

(“ Yes but you lost everything, pauper now used to be king”)

Does he not know I could take his life?

Hope he walks back later when I have my knife.

© 2009 Judas Hammer


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...
The lines "It’s not even fair" is not in italics like the rest (nor is it in parentheses); does this indicate an agreement between the two personalities. I wonder which personality is really the homeless man; the joyful, merry one or the other. I spot a common ground between yourself and the homeless man; you both have a 'killer' instinct. The scenario you presented is humorous, but the story is sad, sad for many reasons. Emotional write.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

This is...this had an intensity behind it. Funny and serious at the same time, and it gives us a glimpse of a deeper meaning behind someone's exterior, and such. I did like this write. You wrote the truth, you wrote about society, and your skills show here.
Bravo!

Posted 12 Years Ago


Whoa... that was an intense read. Well done!

Posted 12 Years Ago


A very good write. I love it read it and enjoy it. I strongly recommend

Posted 12 Years Ago


Very realistic. I, too, will look at someone who seems a bit strange and try not to judge them, then feel guilty when they see me and imagine what THEY are thinking about ME. I think the first part would flow better if you didn't put a period after most of the lines. In some places, it gets a little sloppy: "I think he mention, Milk, the Sky, and God." It should be "mentioned" and no comma afterwards.

Posted 12 Years Ago


I love the back and forth dialogue between the man's two identities. Great conflict indeed. Nice work.

Posted 12 Years Ago


Visually acute. I enjoyed the solo discourse as part of the dialogue conversation, it filled out the piece and made it whole with the comparative. Well done.

Posted 12 Years Ago


The same thing happened to me one day when I had to take the bus home. This is really good.

Posted 12 Years Ago


Great scope of emotion in this, as well as poignant commentary on social views and status. Slightly humorous at first, but then seriousness came from nowhere and slapped me across the face. Very good and thought provoking :)

Posted 12 Years Ago


Interesting vocabulary strengthens poems. Good work here.

Posted 12 Years Ago


your fourth line that is the question I feel doesn't need to be there and it interrupts the flow of the piece because in my opinion it was essentially said in your third line and the reader can draw the fourth line revelation without it being there, also the "pauper now used to be king" doesn't do it for me because it is so overdone even if you went with something like "he who had it all now reduced to rags in the streets" would work better just because it is a fresher way of saying it. Overall great piece but I feel with some time given and a rework it would go from great to wonderful, with all that said, well done and keep writing.

Posted 12 Years Ago



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Added on March 10, 2009

Author

Judas Hammer
Judas Hammer

The City of Angeles, CA



About
I like to write, live in La and write and make short films. and more..

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