LA Devotee Chapter 1 Preview

After struggling with her mind for so long, Winona is sick of Hudson, her indifferent boyfriend. It blows up into another fight, that has happened plenty of times before.

Winona barely remembered making it to her bed the night before, but she woke up safe, under the covers, and upon her bed, so she must've pulled herself there. She felt how she thought zombies might feel, and had to wrinkle her nose at the unpleasant, mildewy odor of Hudson's dirty clothes he left laying all around the room.

However, she got lucky on this fine morning, though, because the sun was being blocked by the clouds. Usually, in the area that they lived, that was normal. It was always cloud, but recently in the past few months, every morning she'd wake up with the sun shining directly in her eyes as if taunting her.

Though, even if the sun was directly in her face, she'd still have slept like a baby. The panic from the night before had faded and her body settled into a newfound weariness she'd never known. She hadn't exactly meant to- but perhaps she'd been so tired, she had subconsciously dragged her body to bed, told herself to give herself a minute to rest, and conked out. Her body had tricked her. In fact... she fell asleep before Hudson could even come home with a new headset. Well, at least, that's what he told her she was doing. She never remembered the 50$ headset she bought for him last month breaking.

Thoughts flickered through her exhausted mind as she stretched and relished in this peace. Guilt poked at her for falling asleep, but she was shocked he had not tried to wake her up. Sun shone weakly through the clouds, the gray puffs rolling quickly, indicating a storm was coming. As far as she remembered, after her... incident last night, it'd been a smooth ride after. She definitely didn't have any nightmares. Maybe those weird dreams she never remembered, but not bad ones.

The cat seldom remembered being wonderfully sleepily, ecstatic to sleep. Her eyes and body were heavy as she had fallen into their bed, and yes... she supposed some soft, loving dreams she couldn't remember.

It was a very, good sleep.

But some things can't last, can they?

For the moment, the silence of dawn swept across her room and the safety she felt within her blanket made her calm, albeit grumpy. She did nothing, instead of getting up and make coffee, she decided to bathe in the peaceful and phenomenal sleep and silence some more. She did long to start her day, though, write, make some sort of progress with something, anything at all, but her body and mental state needed this, so as to not be anxious later on again, ruin it all, the whole damned day.

Winona swallowed, unaware that she did for a moment until she realized her throat was dry. She'd fallen asleep with her mouth open, drooling right onto the lime green pillows Hudson had picked out. Man, she'd really knocked out hard, hadn't she? Shrugging it off, she was on the cusp of falling asleep, that beautiful in-between of sleep and daydream, and decided she'd go back to sleep then and there; The stories she was writing weren't going anywhere... were they?

She chuckled in her sleep, the image of her laptop growing legs and running from her simultaneously funny and frustrating. The time and panicking she'd spent in that bathroom, on the cold and hard tile had left her dead on her feet.

Snuggling her face into her pillow until she felt smothered, a thankful sigh blew out of the corner of her mouth. She had been do so down recently, she was anxious, and in a way, sick... in the head. And she was still unsure of where life was taking her, afraid, but right now, she was in comfortable pillow heaven.

Her nerves at the moment were all but erased. If she could make it through the nightmare that was the night before, she could make it through just another day. She wouldn't let it get that bad ever again.

And then, though her eyes were closed, her vision got darker. Someone was standing over her. She had the sense they weren't happy.

She blinked open her stormy eyes and looked as far up as she could. Hudson's green eyes were glaring down at her, absolutely furious, a scowl set in stone on his face, while she was just sleepy. She groaned inwardly and couldn't help a roll of her eyes. Winona kissed that much-needed sleep goodbye.

"Winona," he snapped, teeth bared his voice almost growling. "You fell asleep."

The cat continued staring up at him, one eye closed and she could basically feel the bags under her eyes. It was too bright, even with the cloudy sky and Hudson's agitated shadow positioned over her. 

"What?" she mumbled. She smacked her own forehead in her mind. That would piss him off. Duh, she had heard him. "Ugh!" he scoffed. "You know!" He threw his hands up, eyes lit up like green fire. "We WERE gonna stream Dawn Of The Alien Nation: The Video Game, last night, remember?"

The woman groaned and slammed her face back on the pillow. She wasn't a fan of streaming. It didn't help Hudson used up most of his time for that now, so if she wanted to spend more time with him and planned a date, he'd tell her it'd just be a better use of their time if she played video games with him. Which she did. A lot. But she certainly did NOT want to stream after one of her worst breakdowns yet, and especially not a game she hated, like Alien Nation which had graphics that gave her a headache, which she seemed to be getting a lot more recently.

And most of all, out of everything at the moment, she just wanted to go back to sleep and play the enemy. Winona often felt like the enemy, being with Hudson.

The black cat had suggested that they'd start playing it, which they had, and maybe she'd end up loving it! And if she DIDN'T he would not make her play it!

She hadn't loved it. Yet, he still begged her to play it and if she didn't, she found he'd cry. Maybe it sounded weird, but Winona HATED seeing guys crying. Hated it. It was a weakness of hers.

"WELL, Winona?" He urged, snapping her fingers to get her out of her daydream. It caused her to jump. Still smothered by her pillow, she sighed, taking a deep breath, she prepared herself for an unsteady and aggressive conversation, as it always was with them recently. She decided to be honest. Maybe that would help? "...Hudson, I had the worst anxiety of my life last night, and you-"

"Okay, so? What the hell do I care? What does that have to do with it!?" he cried, throwing his hands down, his voice cracking uncharacteristically.

Winona found herself flinching and waking up more. His shouting was too much right now... she could normally deal with it, but right now it was just too damn much. With something like horrible anticipation, she knew an argument was coming. He was upset about something that was very, very important to him. Worse than that, he was mad at her. And when he was mad at her... he'd raise all hell. He was mad about STREAMING. Games. And it was towards her. His girlfriend. Winona.

Most people didn't think Hudson and Winona argued.

Hudson had cut off most people that peeked behind closed doors and Winona didn't know how to get them back.

Plus, darn it, she thought she could get out of this without a fight, another tiring one, sapping even more of her energy that she didn't have left to give. But unfortunately, she had been wrong. Her sleepiness was almost completely faded, regrettably.

Sure, she was at fault for falling asleep, but did he have to be so SCARY about it?

Now Hudson was fuming with bright red anger, so much so, that it prickled at Winona's temper. She began fuming herself inwardly- a toxic situation begging to blow up. Hudson was balling his hands into fists, but Winona managed to stare blankly at him, even though how much he was overreacting was ticking her off.

The black cat's ears twitched rapidly and as Winona stared at him, she caught the whites in his eyes- red with exhaustion and probably from playing video games all day and night. Why couldn't they just sleep? She was awake now, but the sweet lull of dormancy was still lightly beckoning her... if this ended right now, she could drift off again. He could drift off with her and they could pretend they were just fine for a while. Even if she didn't want him there, it was better than arguing. Was it?

There were often times where when they would fight, she'd know just the right thing to say to tick him off. And seeing as he'd interrupted her sleep, she was ready to tease him to hell and back. Her heart began to pound, her ears and tail flicked. 

Sure, she hated seeing guys in tears, it was an irregular, sometimes varied weakness, but she was at this point with Hudson- she almost wanted to see him pissed off. Even if it was just out of an angry, spiteful moment. She'd never outright tried to make him upset before, but she had thought about it before. Wasn't that awful enough? It was like they were both becoming blind to this noxious situation, even as it became clearer and clearer each day. Or, at least she was. Winona had no idea if Hudson cared, and couldn't seem to pull the answer out when she asked.

In her thoughtful moment, though, she wondered if she wanted to see him upset because she wanted him to leave her- it'd be easier than her leaving him. But somehow, she knew Hudson would never leave. He never wanted her to go anywhere, why would he go first? His grip on her seemed to be only getting tighter. His care for her feelings, perishing, just like her.

He was keeping her from everyone and it sucked to walk on eggshells. With a twinge of disgruntlement, she took a deep breath and spoke.

"Hudson, I think you've been gaming too much... you look exhausted."

There. That was sure to get on his delicate nerves.

Her boyfriend's jaw clenched and his ears folded back. His eyes widened even more and in an attempt to dodge one of his possibly flying fists, she rolled off the bed and leaned against the wall. Good, he didn't strike. Unphased by his anger now, she relaxed a bit more and smiled smugly up at him. 

Yes, she was backed in a corner and yes, she was playing with fire. And she wanted to burn the whole house down. Irritable wasn't a good enough word for what she was feeling as of recent.

Her blue eyes glanced at the door just in case. It was shut... locked, darn it. Why had he locked it? She had to protect herself in case he swung, like once before. Fear began to settle in the pit of her stomach as she began her attempt to inch towards the door, unlock it to run in case she had to. Sure, Hudson had promised to never try to attack again, but in what wonderful world could she believe in that? There were so many broken promises and she was certain she had a play in that and wasn't just a mere victim.

Jeez, maybe antagonizing him had been a bad idea- well, of course, it had. Time to smooth it over.

"Now- okay, you're like- pissed. I'd be pretty upset too, but bite me. If I found out you- no, you TOLD me, opening up, remember?- you had the possible worst anxiety attack of your life, I'd cut you some slack, hm?" The words rolled calmly and smoothly off her tongue and she quickly searched the room for something to distract her. Dodging Hudson's fuming posture, to the door again, it still wasn't close enough, and then their desk by the bed. Yes, the candy cigarettes. 

She had to defuse this situation in some way. To be frank, this was just an attempt to get Hudson off her darn back. But Hudson was hungry for a counterblow, even if what had happened was mostly out of Winona's shaky hands.

It seemed that Hudson was ready to drag Winona to hell to make her pay for having a huge anxiety attack and falling asleep, then all in all... her most heinous sin, not playing a video game she'd played with him a million times that she's told him she hates.

The cat pulled a candy cigarette out, and sighed, fiddling around with it and staring down at it. Despite the probably dangerous situation she was in, she still felt rather numb to it. Why? Is this how ants really felt when faced with a leaf in their path? Damn it, throw a thorned rose at her!

"Winona." Hudson hissed, his voice, even with that one word, cracking. It was as if he hadn't spoken in so long. 

Ironically, it was probably from overuse due to him screaming at his livestream and games all night. Winona reluctantly looked up at him and she wasn't expecting it to remind her of upbringing, of her cousins.

Their faces were inches away, her face mostly blank with a touch of a frown, and if one looked close enough- a glitter of fear in her eyes. From down here, Winona swore she heard a growl rising in his throat.

"Winona, I swear, you have fifteen seconds to come up with a REAL excuse, not this anxiety crap Gray, and if I don't like what I hear, I'm gonna pummel that sorry, scrawny face of yours," he hissed, baring his teeth.

"Hey!" She inched further away, walking backward. "You PROMISED-"

"You have TEN seconds, and if I don't like what I hear, I'm gonna KNOCK you out!" He repeated. "That's the only promise I'm making!" He began to shake. "What about YOU?"

Because of course, she did, a sly smirk spread across herself and she held herself from shaking. This wasn't the thing she should've done, but it was the thing she wanted. 

"Okay, alright, babe. Ten seconds, right?" she confirmed. Ten seconds was all she needed, as Hudson stared at her, green eyes confused, left hand raised up, splayed out and ready to slap her across the face. 

"So, I snuck out, met up with J.J, we got drunk and jacked up the town, came home EXHAUSTED-" she lied and teased, heart racing. Hudson's eyes widened and he brought out his claws again, teeth widely bared, glinting in the dim room, a loud and long growl forming.

Seeing Hudson get like this for whatever reason, she realized, was a weird form of satisfaction and fun.

Suddenly, he raised his left paw, now changed into a tight, closed fist. 

"An ANXIETY attack!" Winona yelped, correcting herself, darting and jumping backward, just barely dodging his knuckles as his fist flew past her. "Isn't that better than me- a fellow female flirting romantically with another female?" she laughed, drowning in her own awkward nervousness, holding her hands up defensively. She knew she was being a sarcastic little monster- she didn't know how else to feel.

"I mean, gee, you don't like me liking girls now- I'd know what you would do if I've been hanging out with J.J. or Brookie behind your back or some sick s**t. You know me like the back of you're hand- you'd figure that out in no time. That's wrong, right, Hud?"

He wouldn't figure it out.

In fact... he hadn't. 

They were broken up at the time, yet she knew he would still say that was no excuse and she hadn't done it to hurt him. She'd done it because she was single and she liked Brookie. 

She prepared herself, figuring the remark about him thinking it was wrong would tick him completely off, but a flicker of confusion simply crossed his face. She winced. She didn't have much corner space to dart if he were to swing again.

Suddenly, Hudson's expression whipped quickly and he glared at her once again. "If you wanna make it up to me, we better stream next Monday, then. Late. No anxiety, no excuses, no... no emetophobia. Plus, we're streaming tonight, got it? If you love me, you won't have anxiety anymore."

"What!?" whined Winona, the amusement was far gone from her voice. She had wanted to relax tonight! And she had plans to do her own stuff next Monday, with Maxine and Clay and was just praying Hudson wouldn't notice. 

But then, a perfect excuse came to her mind. That Monday night, she had plans to go to a regular Rebel party, but of course, Hudson could come. When they arrived and he made sure everyone saw them together in fancy outfits, he always just went and got drunk with his friends. No, neither of them could get out of this even if Hudson wanted to, because of their... 'reputation.' One of his only favorite things that had to do with her. Better yet than him not being around her, she could sneak off to kick it with Clay and Maxine, and maybe even her other friend, Sybil, if she was around.

"Save it, actually, Hudson," she began, yawning now and stretching widely, arms raised high. It seemed to bother Hudson because he scoffed and rolled his eyes before she even spoke. This confidence made him frown. Usually, if she denied him something, she had less confidence and he could crumple up the idea with one smooth sentence. "I have a party to go to that night-"

"Oh, so? Then you're my date?" Hudson smiled, his hotshot expression on his mug placed immediately back as his regular aspect.

Winona raised an eyebrow at him. Did he think she thought she could just... get away from him? No, she knew better. "No, duh? Who else would it be?" She sneered, maybe a bit too sarcastically for the past situation, as she picked up her tiny corgi figurine off the desk, to fiddle with, to calm her.

It wasn't even a big deal- at the party, they would arrive hand in hand, sometimes arm wrapped around his elbow if the party was snobbish enough, and then they'd make sure everyone saw them together, and again they'd go their separate ways. Winona with her friends and Hudson usually to his alcohol and beer, with his 'friends'. It was the only time she spent with her own friends, anyways. Right into Maxine and Clay's arms.

Deep down, even though doing stuff like that was rather easy with Hudson, she knew she shouldn't be doing it at all. She wished she was with someone else, and she was tired of having to be 'SEEN' with him, for reputation reasons. She was listless. Winona wanted to fall in love and have it be the real, final time. 

She was tired of crushes, dating... yuck. It didn't have to be anyone specific, PERFECT. Just someone. The cat would simply be lying if she said she didn't want a significant other, even if she lied to others, herself. But... what if she was damned to be with Hudson forever?

Maybe this was some sort of punishment for something? Winona couldn't think of something she had done that had been SO bad that she was condemned to a life of frustration and zero satisfaction at the hands of not only her 'lover' but herself.

Suppose she was just crazy and didn't see what she had in front of her and simply had to find a way to be happy? But then why had she tried so hard countless times and failed? Why?

Would it always remain this way?

Caught up in her own thoughts, she hardly noticed when he swiped away her box of candy cigarettes until it left an indent of what could've been a papercut and she dropped the singular piece of candy she held. 

Flipping the pack around in his sleek, black paw, he listened to them shake around the box, staring at it with a snort and sense of discontent, disgust, perhaps, as his smirk faded. "Why don't you just smoke real cigarettes?" he raised an eyebrow, nodding at the box of candy as if she was too stupid to know what he meant. 

"I don't want to... get addicted? I just like the candy." She rolled her stormy eyes, confused, but trying to reach back for her box.

She never fully understood it, but Hudson constantly brought up this situation- he smoked cigarettes and she didn't. He had actually quit for a short time before they'd met, but started again this past January, unfortunately. Despite the resentment she felt towards him, she didn't want him to damage his lungs, at least.

Hudson's frown deepened, his green eyes shooting daggers at her. "If you mean feeling calm, feeling GREAT-" "I don't," Winona said, finality drenching her voice. She was a little bit too annoyed to keep going on like this. She didn't have anything personal against people who smoked cigarettes, but she just wasn't getting into that world. There were other days she dealt with anxiety- watching Youtube, writing, listening to music.

"I'm gonna need those back, Hud," she demanded, her hands on her hips now, tapping one foot impatiently. Her tiny body was radiating intense anger, threatening to boil over. She wasn't obsessed with the cigarettes to the point where if she didn't have any, it'd tick her off, but she hated that he'd taken them from her like nothing at all like her stuff doesn't even matter.

Hudson looked at her as if she'd just spit on him. "Uh, no. Eat a real meal for once. Geez, man." He growled in frustration, turning away from her.

Winona's eyes widened, staring at his back. What? He had said cruel and hurtful things to her before, but none previously thrown in the direction of her eating affair. He had at a point held a bit of respect for her and her disordered eating, but this was just plain down a slap in the face of disrespect. Had her falling asleep really hurt him in such a way?

Nevertheless, she found herself shaking in anger. Of course, he'd aim for her weak spot. He was just like that nowadays. She'd never pull that with his mental issues. "Oh, screw off!" she yelled, jumping up and ripping the packet from his hands, but it wasn't as rough as she'd have liked it. She turned to stomp out of the room, and when she exited, slammed the door behind her. Stupid lock- it made her dramatic exit that much more clumsy.

Winona's ears perked up when she heard the door make a noise- he reopened it. Hudson wrapped his fingers around her arm, dragging her back in. "Hey!" she yelled, flailing to get out of his grasp. 

Once she was inside the room completely, he shut the door quietly again and locked it. Winona broke out of his hands and raced to the door, but he was already standing in front of it. Slight panic sparked in her chest. Hudson had never hurt her physically- only attempted it, but she had just told him to screw off. Plus he had already been upset.

"No, Hudson, don't trap me in here, I'm not even dressed!" she shouted, and winced. She couldn't trust Hudson anymore, especially not at this moment. She shook those thoughts away. No, she shouldn't think like that about him. That was CRUEL- hurtful.

She was in fact, only wearing a tank top and pajama shorts. Winona always felt lazy in pajama clothes, so to be productive, she needed to get dressed. Leaning down, she picked up her hoodie and jeans off the floor, which she wasn't sure WHY they were on the floor, but she did it in a huff, she supposed. 

Hudson frowned for the billionth time that morning. His face may stay that way permanently, she thought- almost hoped as she looked up at his disapproving glower.

"What?" She sighed.

"Why don't you wear something- I don't know, nice? You don't even try to look pretty anymore."

Winona scoffed, gray-blue eyes wide. What a jerk! Okay, she totally didn't regret that comment now. What was wrong with him? Had she done something before to hurt his feelings, festering in it, only to tick her off himself? All she had done was fall asleep! They were perfectly fine before then! What he was saying was out of line- again.

"What?" she stuttered out again.

"Put on some makeup, wear nice, clean clothes. You act like you're... you're depressed, or something."

Winona froze, staring at him. So what if she was? What did he care? And if being a complete dunce was an art, Hudson was the modern Leonardo Da Vinci. "Oh, that's rich coming from you, Hudson. Do you even wash your clothes? Do you even CHANGE them?" she spat, jumping up to say it in his face, but alas, she was just too short.

He sneered and backed up. "Doesn't matter. Why haven't we just... hung out and cuddled in a while or something? Or... I don't know. We haven't done anything close in... forever?" He sighed. Winona pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes tight, sighing. He was bringing this up again? He was bringing this up right now, at all? In her mind, they were alone the same amount as a regular couple even if it wasn't as much as they used to be, but didn't that happen with all relationships? "Hudson, why the heck do you think?"

"I-"

The white and gray cat cut him off looked up at him, fire dancing in her eyes. He cut himself off. The LAST thing she wanted was the closeness with Hudson. She knew she was about screw up with her words, make him 'cry' like she always did, but she was done. Utterly done. "You're a piece of garbage!" she yelled. 

"What kind of disrespectful, spoiled brat tells his girlfriend that? What guy tells anyone that at all, unless he's garbage!?

He just stared at her for several, long seconds, seemingly shocked. Oh no. Here it comes. She knew she messed up, would have to apologize, makeup, and keep on kissing him, but she couldn't help it sometimes.

A feeling stirred in her as he began to open his mouth wide and screwed his eyes shut tight. She assumed it was guilt.

Then he covered his face with his hands and began to 'cry'. He couldn't see her, of course, she threw her head back with an eye roll and silent groan. Ugh. He wasn't the only piece of garbage here, was he now? And there it was, his fake crying. "Hudson..." she sighed, "s-sorry." He may have been fake crying, but she still felt awful each time she made him cry.

"I can't believe I ever loved you!" he wailed and sobbed, kicking his feet as he fell down to sit on the floor.

Winona winced and her frown and uncomfortableness deepened. Great- this was just great. She looked downwards and felt the remorse calling in her chest, calling her to do everything she could to fix this. 

She was supposed to love him. Maybe she really was the only monster in this situation and she could and would control it. Hudson wasn't nearly as bad as she was making him out to be... Yelling at him, abusing him, humiliating him. Her anger was melting, though a chunk of it stayed somewhere, in the corner of her heart, and hardened. It festered with the other fury of their past arguments. The cat frowned at the sobbing Hudson and knew his tears were fake... but guilt overcame her, and she still thought 'poor thing'.

"I didn't mean for that to happen. I'm sorry." Her voice was low, tail and ears drooping. The green-eyed cat slowly looked up from his hands. "Y-you're... ap-apologizing?" he stuttered as if she wasn't the one who made amends, each and every fight. She nodded, worn out. 

Why couldn't he see she'd already apologized? Why couldn't he just accept it? Why couldn't she just GO? But, that wasn't quite right. She knew not to get mad at him...

"Yes. Yes, I'm apologizing."

"It-it-it's o-okay..." he said, hanging his head so low, she wondered if he had a kinked neck. He shut his eyes tightly, gritted his teeth as if he was in severe pain.

The animosity boiled flared back up again. She had to clench her fist, holding back from walloping it in his sorry, fabricated tearful face. Seemingly out of nowhere, to the point where she jumped, he launched upwards with a huge smile on his face. 

He had a huge grin on his face and wrapped his arms around her in a constricted hug. Hudson chuckled happily and softly and she felt sick.

But, no. She loved him. She returned the hug and the malice and the shame fought each other. STILL, she felt like she despised this disgusting man and she was envisioning slapping him and he'd fall into his gross, greasy shelves full of games she didn't give a damn about.

The cat mentally hit herself. NO! She couldn't think like that! And she knew it, too. Winona was sure Hudson was just as sick of arguing as she was and they both were ready to end this rough patch. She attempted, once again to shake away the overly gruesome, reoccurring thoughts.

This rough patch they'd been trying to fix for over half of their relationships.

This rough patch that had been going on since July of 2017. So, over a year now.

Winona sighed poisonously, but her tone was really just tuckered out. She rubbed his back. "I just miss you a lot," he confessed, pulling back to look at his worn girlfriend now. "I miss you, too." She whispered. And she did, honestly. Just not in that moment. And not the Hudson standing in front of her.

'This is all so stupid,' a voice in Winona's head told her firmly. 'I just wanna leave.'

"I love you, Hudson," Winona choked, uneasily. His eyes widened and he looked at her, mouth wide open in a smile. "I love you, too!" He wrapped himself around her again, and the 25-year-old wondered if it'd stay like this forever

And wondered if she'd have to live like this forever.

Deep down, she knew she'd rather break up, than makeup. Ever again.

Author's Note

Thank you for reading! And please, constructive criticism is always welcome. I've often gotten criticism from people telling me I tell too much, and don't show enough, so please let me know if I'm still doing that. This is chapter 1 after the prologue, so some context may be missing but I promise you'll get it! I can't wait to publish this story, because I'm so proud of it. I'm revising it as of now and you might get some other stories on here first, but I can't wait. The artwork is mine! (Unfortunately old, though I need to redraw it!) But the lyrics on the image are 'Head Above Water' By Avril Lavigne. Again, thank you so much if you read it!

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I need to read again. A very long chapter. I recommend, break-up the chapters into 1000 words or less. Most people are scare to read long stories my friend. I enjoyed the story. I liked the use of the cat and the interaction of the characters. When a cat don't like you. Always a warning. Hello my friend and I hope you are doing well and staying safe. I enjoyed the story. Feel of real life and real situations.
Coyote

[Vertigo Cat1111]

Hey! Thank you so much for the review and criticism. It means so much to me that someone reviewed this because its very important to me. I really appreciate and I'll be by to review some art of yours soon!

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome my friend. Have some fun and be safe.