All I see

As the father of a two year old with another on the way, life can get pretty overwhelming. Turning back to writing to try to quiet the noise.

Looking back I remember.

 

Fireside guitar and baseball games.

Rivers and Dances

Late night phone calls and dancing like no one could see

Movie nights, and being scared of the dark

Instant lifelong friends.

How pretty she looked that night.

Life was so easy

 

I remember

 

The frustration and pain.

The wondering what went wrong.

The adolescent fears
Afraid to let go.

 

I remember

 

The girl who wasn’t mine

no matter how hard I tried.

The girls who said yes

but weren’t worth my time.

 

I remember.

Wondering where I went wrong.

Wondering where I went right?

Wondering what I did to deserve such a good life

 

Feeling so lost and so at peace.

Feeling so broken

Feeling like I could conquer the world.

 

My God, I remember

 

The confusion of youth

Wishing to just grow up already

Parents just getting in the way

But supporting me in everything.

 

Looking back now I see.

 

Growing up ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Work never gets easier

Marriage never gets easier

Parenting never gets easier.

Real life.

Still not easy.

 

And now I can see

 

That I never could see

I never knew what this life could be

The pain and the struggles

 

Blood, Sweat, Tears?

Not just a quip.

 

Now I can see.

 

The nights away

The hospital stays

The wishing I could just run away.

Life is so raw.

 

But I can also see.

 

There’s beauty in the pain.

 

I remember

 

Wanting to stand in the rain

With my arms outstretched

 

To feel free

 

But how often do I hide from the rain?

Spend my life wishing it away?

I’ve made mistakes.

I have bad days

Regrets of the past never go away

 

But today I see

 

A glass of whiskey

Sitting in the rain

The way she smiles at me

A young boy’s laugh

I love you Daddy

 

Today

That’s all I see.

Author's Note

The chaos in tonal changes and paragraph styling are mostly intentional. Written more as an outlet then true poetry...