To My Dad

I wrote this poem the day i found out my dad was going to die of lung cancer. I never got the chance to read it to him before it was too late. I hope he heard it when i did read it to him.

To My Dad:

 

Everything I am is because of you.
My Work Ethic,
My sense of family,
My need to provide for the ones I care about and love above all else.
Is all because of you.

Life wasn't supposed to be this way.
Not how I ever imagined it when I was growing up.
I have a family now, and I now understand what it is to love someone so much that it hurts.
I have a son, my first born son.
I want him to be so proud of me, and he isn't even able to understand that yet.
Is that how you felt?

I look into Zander's eyes and I see me,
Everything I am laid bare.

I want you to know that I understand why you are the way you are.
I want you to know that I hope to be half the father you have been to me.
You and I haven't been on the same page for a LONG time,
But now in light of everything,
I feel that we are on that same page more than ever.

My son won't ever get to experiance how great you are,
But I will make sure to tell him everything I can about you.
Your sense of humor, your love for your family, your indomnidable spirit when it came to your family.
You are everything that I have ever looked up to in being a Man.
I know I've never told you any of that, and believe me I regret it now.

There is so much that i know you wanted to do with me,
And I know none of it ever got done.
We never went to a strip club, or gone to a football game,
Or anything I know we would both enjoy.
I feel like I have gotten to know you on a better level recently,
And there is so much that I want to tell you and do with you before you go.

I remember more than you think I do about things we did together.
I remember going off for the weekend,
Just you, me, and Daniel, going to Riverside and walking along the citywalk stuff.
I remember going to the horse track, even though I was bored out of my mind, I still remember;
That you tried to include me and Daniel in your fun.
I remember you trying to talk some sense into me when I was in Canada.
And I also remember the relief on your face when i came back home.

I told you before that one thing I was excited about doing;
Was coaching for Zander's team sport, be it baseball, football, hockey, whatever he wants.
You did that for me and it always made me so happy when I thought back on it.
It still makes me happy.
I want to do that for my son like you did that for me and Daniel.

I just want you to know that I love you dad.
I love you so much.
I'm going to miss you while i grow older. i am going to miss your laugh,
Your sense of humor,
I am going to miss everything about you.
But most of all...

I am just going to miss my Dad.

Author's Note

I miss my dad....

Reviews

[CLUTZ]

sad. your dad sounds like he was a great guy and i'm sad for u because you have to miss him. when i was about ten i almost lost my dad in a drunk driving accident. i never knew how much i would miss him until that happened. he was supposed to be going to pick my brother and his friend up from the fair and a guy who had been drinking hit him. when i think about it now, if i would have lost him then i would never have been able to tell him i love him again, or do any of the things i get to do with him now. i may not know what it feels like to lose a parent but i know how it feels to know u may never see that person again. great job.

[Aspiring Angel]

I find so many pieces of yourself when I visit your pages.This is beautiful. You speak of your father in the presence sense and because of a past experience with my Mom it makes me feel as if there has been a cut in ties. I know that feeling well. Wonderful read. Blessings, Lesa