A Lily In Rain

A Lily In Rain

A Poem by William Liston
"

unmetered rhyming piece with a simple rhyme scheme

"

There's a lily on the ground
that shines when it rains.
There's a blossoming rose
in a heart full of pains;

and believe it or not,
in times most vile,
there's a way for your tears
to gleam in a smile!

© 2017 William Liston


Author's Note

William Liston
Please give honest feedback. Constructive criticism is welcomed.

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Featured Review

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

I was attracted to the lily image which is often a symbol of purity.

CONTENT AND FORMAT

The lily symbolizes the speaker's heart; it is fragile and innocent. Nearby, a rose is compared to the lily. In contrast, the rose is filled with scorn, pain, and sadness. Color symbolism is prominent throughout. White equates to purity while red is associated with passion and anger. These are two sides of the same heart; a yin yang. The speaker concludes with a sense of hope and longing. It is refreshing to see a young man pick himself up after harrowing experience. Maturity reflects who the poet is as a person.

SUGGESTIONS AND OBSERVATIONS

The format is simple yet effective with the rhyme scheme. However, I think the image of a rose is overused to depict love so I am unsure if I like this image or not. It is often used in sappy romantic poetry and prose. There is vague clues as to where the pain is coming from.

Is the rose full of pain because of heartbreak, loss of a loved one, or something else?

I suggest either selecting a different image or give more clues as to where this pain is originating. It will add to the poem, in my opinion.

This is more so an observation and me nitpicking since I try to avoid generalizations or cliches. Please dismiss this critique if you want to keep it the same.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Overall, I enjoyed this read. You are a talented and intelligent writer. I have read in your autobiography that you are 15 years old, and it is refreshing to see that you are an avid reader. This shows in your writing through wisdom and maturity. Thank you for sharing! I hope my suggestions help.

sincerely,
ria

Posted 3 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

3 Years Ago

Your review was definitely helpful, Ria, and I liked how it addressed a concern I mentioned in the a.. read more
Vria P Crow

3 Years Ago

I read the rose as a symbol of the heart. Thank you for the clarification. :) Readers will have th.. read more
William Liston

3 Years Ago

No problem



Reviews

Master-piece ! I love the last part .

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

3 Years Ago

Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed.
WILLIAM. THIS IS BEAUTIFUL. SO SIMPLE, YET PACKED WITH SO MUCH BEAUTY AND WONDER. I REALLY, REALLY ENJOYED READING THIS..A LOT. I ALWAYS LIKE WHEN NATURE IS WEAVED WITH EMOTION AND FEELING--TO ME--THE TWO BELONG TOGETHER. IT REMINDS ME OF MY WRITING: I LIKE TO USE A LOT OF SYMBOLISM..WITH NATURE, REFLECTED OFF OUR FEELINGS..THAT ALWAYS LEADS TO HOPE. VERY NICE! (=

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

3 Years Ago

Thank you for such an insightful review, Brian. I also enjoy reading poems that use nature-related i.. read more
I like it William. Your a very talented young writer!

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

3 Years Ago

Thank you.
Very nice!!
Love the imagery in the beginning, and the little contrast/turn at the end.
Great work! :)

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

4 Years Ago

Thank you for your compliments. I'm glad you enjoyed.
I find the meaning behind this to be pretty clear. This poem projects the mentality of there always being a silver lining in spite of hardship, no matter the version of it. As an inspiration poem, it serves its purpose as being simple and accessible enough for anyone to follow, concise enough to linger perhaps long after its been read, and to do what it set out to do-- inspire.

A fine little write, brother. Good work, William.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

4 Years Ago

I'm glad you enjoyed. Thank you for leaving such an in-depth review. I'm glad the message came acros.. read more
that's blossoms in pain, ? Should it be "that blossoms in pain?


Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

4 Years Ago

Yes. It should.
Wow very great job you did a wonderful job on this. Thank you for sharing

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

4 Years Ago

Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed.
WoW!!!!
so subtle......effortless......and beautiful........
i am sure that the inspiration transcends.........the actual meaning though.......i am not sure......all i could come up with is eyes and blood..........
this is perfect according to me.......i know very little to tell you about how you could change this......

great job!!!!
i loved it!!!
:)

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

4 Years Ago

I'm glad you enjoyed.

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1141 Views
18 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on August 29, 2016
Last Updated on July 27, 2017
Tags: flowers, lily, heart, pain, rose, tears

Author

William Liston
William Liston

About
Get your own valid XHTML YouTube embed code I'm an amateur poet who's been writing for about three and a half years. Some of my influences include Edgar Alla.. more..

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