Roses Shed Tears

Kyrielle; somewhat random, abstract scribbles

A crowd floats forward evermore

their glances push a lifeless shore

Emotions reach their palms too near

I swear a rose can shed a tear

Cascading rain falls to the ground

to sink my ears in endless sound

A dark abyss emerges clear

I swear a rose can shed a tear

My fingers ache for dampened air

through which a sullen soul could stare

Though every smile can beam with cheer

I swear a rose can shed a tear

Another day springs forth anew 

A gleaming ray is seen by few

A silent cry somewhere I hear

I swear a rose can shed a tear

Author's Note

This probably makes absolutely no sense outside of my own mind, but I still want to know your honest thoughts and interpretations on this piece. Constructive criticism is welcome and encouraged.

The first draft of this piece can be found in my blog.

I've discovered that the abstractness of this poem allows it to be read backwards. Try reading the last line first then reading it upwards as follows: I swear a rose can shed a tear / a silent cry somewhere I hear / A gleaming ray is seen by few ... etc.

Reviews

[Ted Kniffen]

William, the best poems seem to write themselves and, at 2:00 a.m. what you wrote was very good indeed. A brilliant line 'I swear a rose can shed a tear' has become the focus for a good poem. One thing, and it is minor is in the first verse where move & moves appear a little close to me. Keep it up William. A good write.

[William Liston]

I appreciate your kind words, Ted. They mean a lot to me. I also appreciate your critique ... I'll change the "move/moves" in the first two lines ... I can see how it's distracting.

[Bala Gorthi]

A beautiful craft indeed! The rhyming and the flow are beautiful. I agree, certain things just come out and they are always out of world.
I loved the whole poem. It is a pleasure reading this poem.
Thank you William Liston, sharing for sharing..
P.S. I see a great poet in you. Keep writing and sharing.

[William Liston]

Thank you so much for your kind words. They are greatly appreciated.

[BBP]

This was gorgeous. Very elegantly written.

[William Liston]

I'm glad you enjoyed. Thank you for reading and reviewing.

[Nicole Williams]

Beautiful poem , better than many I've read in my english classes so far . Honestly your very talented and I've found pleasure in reading many of your poems .Keep up the good work!

[William Liston]

Thank you so much, Nicole.

[Lorry]

Beautifully captured words, on a sight seen by few who take the time to notice what is around them, instead of rushing to the next panic ridden item on their list of things to do, which blinds them to what truly is the beauty and strength of nature connecting with our hearts.

[William Liston]

I like your interpretation of this piece ... sometimes, we forget to notice the little (yet beautiful) things in life ... we get in too much of a rush at times. Thank you for your kind words.

[brian]

No. It makes perfect sense! This is beautiful. I love the imagery of Roses..whenever they're used in art, writing, or song. They're so simple yet evoke so much emotion. Somewhere in here there is death and dying--and I picture even the last moments of a funeral, when the casket is lowered and everyone walks away--yet you are left standing there as time freezes and stands still, where all the small things of life and nature come into focus.. Beautiful! (=

[William Liston]

Thank you for sharing your interpretation, Brian. I too enjoy the imagery of roses ... to me, they represent beauty, love, and strength. My second favorite flower is the lily; to me, lilies represent beauty, delicacy, and simplicity ... they can definitely add a lighter feel to my writings.

Thanks for reviewing this piece. It's truly appreciated.

[brian]

William..absolutely! That's funny, because a lily(a 'peace lily'), is my favorite flower. The white ones. When I worked for a company as a floral delivery driver, I used to love driving the White 'peace-lillies' to the funeral or the grieving person. And we used to put them in this simple, rectangular-shaped, little white vase with a small silver cross on it. As you described, I thought this flower was so simple, delicate, and at the same time, so beautiful! (=

[ranscan]

Its a lovely, delicate creation. The form is quite beautiful, the rhyming scheme is complex, with the interesting 4th line of each stanza repeat.
I taste the influence of Poe, perhaps its only the tone, yet the phrasing seems complimentary.
Punctuation, its a sad refrain, that ever swirls, within the brain. It can be a tool that when applied judiciously, and depending upon opinion correctly, be a friend and helpmate, especially if you seek to be published.
There is more than a little exceptional imagery worked here, and by worked I mean not only in its quality, but also in how well it flows.
This line "Somehow abyss becomes so clear" was truly my favorite.

[William Liston]

I'm glad you could delight in this piece, ranscan. The refrain is, in my opinion, the highlight of this piece, so I'm glad you found it beautiful. Thanks for the awesome review.

[Richard🖌]

Hey, William!

Though quite abstract in spots, each verse is its own unique poem, when combined express a theme of sad beauty, with a sense of underlying joy.
I very much like the form and emotional feel of it, William.
Excellent work, My Friend, I am inclined to compose one from my own words. I'll let you know if/when I do.

Thank you sincerely for sharing this one, my talented Friend! ⁓ Richard

(suggestions: work on poetic voice and the following)
L3 ("coming" oh so clear), L5 ("to" the ground), L5 & 6 (ground/sound).

[William Liston]

Thank you so much.

I never considered this a new form ... I just thought it was iambic tetrameter with a simple rhyme scheme, but I never took the refrain into account.

Thank you for your critiques and compliments. Although I don't fully understand it, I consider this the best of my therapeutic poems, and I'm glad you could feel the emotion in this piece too.

Name of Form: Rosy Quartets
Verse: Four minimum Quatrains, with no limit
Meter: Iambic or Trochaic tetrameter
Rhyme Scheme: aabB, ccbB, ddbB, eebB (line-4 repeated in refrain)

[Richard🖌]

Mea culpa, My Friend, it is actually a Kyrielle Form.
It has been a long time since I last taught or composed in this form, and it merely slipped from my conscious, but something kept tapping my shoulder until I realized what it was.
Still, it is a brilliant Kyrielle, William, and you've inspired me to compose one of my own.

Thanks, again! ⁓ Richard