A Coward's Heart

I had someone I fell in love to,

Not one stealing gazes from you,

Just from me.

She was the only thing i could see.

Who I could only think around

And sent my heart abound

Every time I saw or heard

A glance or a word.

I craved just one touch

But a hand was too much.

A coward's soul like mine

Couldn't cross that line

Couldn't make something so much more

Couldn't just peek through that door

Because I know I'll never forget

From all this lovely regret

Bittersweetly laughing in my head

Those times feel like a book well read

That can never be shaken.

Love could never awaken

A heart terrified of hurting her

Thinking how close we were

And how I'd take her heart

Just to rip it apart.

Assuming I would ruin it

I had a resentful fit

When any love I don't know

Or about how it will go.

They always say feelings are mutual

But I've never been that close at all

To anyone but you,

It was all too new.

So maybe if I ever see you again

We could try something new then.

Reviews

[Chryiss]

Hmm, an interesting turn in the middle--at first a coward to make that first step, but then that uncertainty was due to the fear of breaking the relationship they already had. I liked the tension from the lines starting, "a heart terrified of hurting her" to "assuming I would ruin it." It added to that switch from tentativeness to unwillingness with a hopeful end.
My favorite lines were "from all this lovely regret / bittersweetly laughing in my head." Rhymes can be tricky, and but you did a good job. As a suggestion though, further improvement could be made to connect the rhymes to each sentence rather than splitting the rhymes between two sentences. The rhymes between independent clauses sometimes threw me off, but perhaps separating into stanzas would better help that nice flow?

[Cass Ashe]

Thanks for the really thoughtful input and advice, and I'm glad you enjoyed it. I see exactly what you're talking about with the flow, and I can say that all of that is from the fact that this was a one-take, no look-overs sort of piece. It didn't have separate stanzas because this was based on my flow of thoughts more than anything. I'll definitely take everything you said and look over this though. Cheers!

[VinneTheCreator]

Fascinating. You've captured the feeling I believe your trying to express very well. A secret love that can never be shared in fear of losing the connection you already have. "Bittersweetly laughing in my head, Those times feel like a book well read" - These lines really spoke to me as they were able to capture mixed emotions quite well. Though I would suggest incorporating more complex imagery and simply more imagery in general. The writing seemed a bit thin, just a few times, because of a lack of it.

[Cass Ashe]

I'm glad you were intrigued by what I wrote. I wrote this poem a lot more focused on the feeling rather than the images because it is what I felt when I was writing it. I can 100% agree that this gets thin, but I think, in a way, it contributes to the unsure and hesitant feelings in the poem. The whole this is a big mess because I was just typing how I felt rather than trying for a good, coherent poem like I would have preferred. This definitely helps me with what I'm writing now and what I will write though!