Ten Toes

Ten Toes

A Poem by Confuser
"

Alright guys, 3rd poem, took it slowly. Thanks for your opinion.

"
Ten Toes

The shocks on her small scarred legs
are welcomed,
Red whelps from a belt prepared her,
To bend down, like a cotton picker,
The blood from their fingers dripping
onto blue, savaged knees in a white field,
Akin to a tattered American flag,
Like a faucet no one wants to hear
the same sensation a seamstress feels when pricked,
But some pain, brings gain.
   
Her hands move the wire quickly,
Steady to keep her head from ripping,
Her hair has been pulled out like an Indian scalp
and hangs lonely, lowly, lightly, silently,
On this goliath wall to keep
Creatures in or Creatures out,

The barbed metal, jagged edges,
the contagion and deceit
Controls her, contains her, retrains her,
Rapt attention reveals an ancient killing tool,
Giants would use to crush and mame,
Or Knucklebones, her favorite game.

The supple flesh of her thigh is saved by her slyness
And she lets out a sigh,
Like someone lost and found again.
Ecstasy, elation, anticipation builds,
As she gazes with blue Ashe eyes,
the mammoth electric green field comes alive,

Tiny round feet float like smoke through soft velvety grass,
She goes with certain laughter echoing through the clouds
like she’s the cat’s meow,

To the blueberry bush at long last…..










© 2014 Confuser


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Featured Review

this has quite powerful imagery and emotion that is both gripping and affecting.. it was like I was on a roller coaster.. up, down, around, and then all done, yay!.. the seamless way you painted a "story" yet, twisted, manipulated, and added deeper layers with its own imagery and details.. I got caught up in the vivid scenery.. the descriptions were exquisite and phrasing skillful, clever, and moving.. the comparisons intensified the feelings evoked.. you made them apt and easy to relate to.. only critique I can offer is think you meant "site" and not "sight" in description.. really enjoyed this.. well done!.. can't wait to read more :)

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Confuser

6 Years Ago

I really am so thankful for your review. I will make the change. It means so much; being new to wr.. read more
Confuser

6 Years Ago

................................Thanks.



Reviews

Big step up from earlier efforts; highly creative piece artfully presented.
Here, you virtually play with the readers--skillfully manipulating their perceptions and, therefore, their emotional reactions.
Naughty girl! Poetess who has arrived!

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Confuser

6 Years Ago

Frankie J, Thank you and I don't know whether it's because I'm sleepy or what, but I just read this .. read more
You capture those memories marvelously as we are transported through the images and echoing laughter.Bravo, again...:).............................

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I was given an impression of a mother experiencing mental illness. The images of blood and feeling captured or trapped. The lessons from being hit with a belt teaching a sickness of unhealthy humility. Yet, there is grand vision here as well; maybe healthy, maybe unhealthy grandioso of exaggerated expectations.
I saw a hint at playing dangerous games and a feeling of escape in sensuality.
Lastly, I see a child, "The cat's meow" and a delicious adventure ahead.
The poem ends on a high note, but I have a foreboding the body of the poem still holds much power in this story.
Very powerful imagery and very cryptic storytelling. WEll done.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Confuser

6 Years Ago

Well you are a lot more insightful than me. This is the first time I tried to write as what i have .. read more
 David Scott

6 Years Ago

Ha. It is not insight I give you in the above review. I offer the impression or impact your words.. read more
Confuser

6 Years Ago

Really, I can very much relate to your insight. I have so many memories of childhood/some good/some.. read more
this has quite powerful imagery and emotion that is both gripping and affecting.. it was like I was on a roller coaster.. up, down, around, and then all done, yay!.. the seamless way you painted a "story" yet, twisted, manipulated, and added deeper layers with its own imagery and details.. I got caught up in the vivid scenery.. the descriptions were exquisite and phrasing skillful, clever, and moving.. the comparisons intensified the feelings evoked.. you made them apt and easy to relate to.. only critique I can offer is think you meant "site" and not "sight" in description.. really enjoyed this.. well done!.. can't wait to read more :)

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Confuser

6 Years Ago

I really am so thankful for your review. I will make the change. It means so much; being new to wr.. read more
Confuser

6 Years Ago

................................Thanks.
Thought provoking and an abstract read that has reached inside of me and shook me awake shouting, "Look!" Confuser, this was very good and it held me close to the screen the entire time I read. I really enjoyed this today.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Confuser

6 Years Ago

Thank you, I'm lowering my head, hands together, saying thank you. I've only begun to write and thi.. read more
There's a visceral drive to this one. Your imagery is dark and frightening, but leaves us feeling rather bereft.

NOTES:
Akin to [a] tattered American flag,


Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

'Tiny round feet float like smoke through soft velvety grass,
She goes with certain laughter echoing through the clouds
like she’s the cat’s meow'
I absolutely love this piece, and this line. Believe me when i say you are a brilliant writer,
well done

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

this is a gripping write indeed. Powerful word wielding in this piece - things that are said alluding to things unsaid - this one got me in my gut. It also speaks to the resilience we humans seem to muster under pressure. Well penned.

Posted 6 Years Ago


wow i enjoyed ur poem it was a great read and great write keep up the good work

Posted 6 Years Ago


Ten Toes is a delightful read for any age, and at my age I need all sunny memories of youth that I can get ... Simply wonderful...

Posted 6 Years Ago



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805 Views
13 Reviews
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Shelved in 1 Library
Added on October 25, 2014
Last Updated on November 15, 2014
Tags: childhood, pain, defiance, pleasure, abuse, overcoming

Author

Confuser
Confuser

Manning, SC



About
Happily married with three wonderful children. The first poem I attempted was Paper Heart which I submitted here last year. People here have been so kind and encouraging! Their feedback and reading t.. more..

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