Ice Tea with a Whale

Ice Tea with a Whale

 

Tongue came forth in all its state,

Heckling over a child’s dinner plate,

The liquid chilled with ice on her lap,

Her lips bowed, soothed by mother’s smile.

 

To the callous whale, an ocean or sea,

His voracious tongue lashing,

Like an ax to a tree,

Eyes unforgiving and piercing.

 

But, whilst the pitcher bursting,

His hand and twisting appendage,

Working together in unison,

The mighty avengers fell,

 

By the tiniest tap, and like a spigot

It did flow….

The blow hole burst forth,

Rockets of liquid laughter,

Observed his unperfected banter.

 

His tongue now wonders lonely about,

Not a peep, not a sound,

His uncaring words drown by his worth.

Reviews

[Stonz P.]

Well, I got the idea that a whale and its child are at dinner but I got lost towards the end... I could not really figure out what it stands for.. except that the whale is rendered quiet by his own action.. Maybe, I did not really get it..
About its structuring, the flow is there and rhymes are here and there but that is not something that irks me.. maybe 'traditional poets' might find it not suiting to their tastes..

[Confuser]

Now, that input I did so need. A father, mother and daughter go in a diner to eat; she spills her small glass of tea (her lips bowed, soothed by mother's smile) and he acts like: an ocean or a sea, everyone hears in; the waitress brings a full pitcher of tea (he spilled the entire pitcher upon himself): true story! Karma. Probably too close to the event to write it properly. (apendages, whale his arm & tongue: gave him arms) and of course the whale is the mean father. You got the ending.

[DaughterNature]

I think this is really interesting, definitely a multiple-read-through kind of poem. I liked the rhythm you developed in the first stanza, and somewhat continued in the second stanza - I wish you had carried it through the entire poem, since holding to a rhythm/rhyme scheme can show such discipline (not to mention that a regular rhythm could imitate the swelling of the ocean, which could be good here). I wondered about the word "wonders" in the final stanza - is that what you meant, or did you mean "wanders"?

[Confuser]

I went to your page and read, you only wish to read something like quality writing....deleting friends that put in first drafts; this is probably my 10th poem ever; so, let us see, you have been writing 10 years, huumm, lot of difference; your input is probably very helpful, but at the same time, your posting sounded very arrogant and demeaning to others you call "friends" to me; please do not read any of my work. Thank you. Hope you have a nice day.

[DaughterNature]

Uhm, rude, but okay - have you read how trite and 'teen-anksty' some of the stuff on here is? I meant I don't want to see things that look like 'first drafts' i.e. the writer didn't evaluate the piece before they posted it to the public (I post things that are technically 'first drafts', too, but I always make sure I am proud to have other people read them first). I reviewed your poem because I liked it and I thought you would be an interesting person to follow on here, but I see that your feathers get ruffled far too easily. You have a nice life, too.

[Emily]

Wow, what a surreal little piece! Very interesting. I've never seen a whale characterized like that before! :)

[Confuser]

Actually Emily, it was an angry loud father (whale), berating his young daughter in a restaurant for spilling her glass of tea, people could hear, and then he spilled the whole pitcher upon himself.

[Emily]

Wow. I didn't see that before.

[Confuser]

Don't want to bother you, but do you think I should put that in the author notes? If so I will. Thank you Emily.

[Emily]

No, I think part of the beauty of poetry is finding your own interpretation. Besides, you've already written it here. :)

[Confuser]

Good advise; I believe that but wasn't sure. Thank you.

[Belle]

I really enjoyed reading this. I love the surrealism of this piece - it's superficially lighthearted, but there are darker undertones. You have a lot of talent, and I look forward to reading more of your poetry.

[Sami Khalil]

You write brilliantly. Amazing talent...:)....

[R Smith]

mighty interesting tale Dale, somehow i saw Moby Dick peeking from the lines and yet i also felt you were writing about some disagreeable person who you don't like, either way you wrote with some eloquence and excitement, well done :)

[Ana B.]

:) mind blowing in its streching brilliance......it takes tallent and imagination to write it, and well...it takes some effort to understand it :). Great work Dale :)

[Sugar Plum ♥]

I was very attracted by the title, as it sounds so interesting, and i found one piece full of surrealistic imagination and depths of mind...I love how you created the vivid images with words, as if I view a picture.
Really well done poem, and proves your pen name Confuser :)

-- Tag poetry 101 --

-- nia --

[Pushkar Prabhat]

wow.............you have a mad mad imagination...............
i loved it!!!
:)

[M.A.Rathore]

Well. This the finest image sensing portait of the whale in so so devastating imagery that I could not stand still being not affected. The metaphorical usages make the poem somewhat intregue yet the diction is superb and vividly expressed.
Thanks for sharing so lovely a piece!

[Confuser]

Mr. M. A. Rathore, I so, so thank you, being such a wonderful poet. I am bowing with closed hands.