Side Effects

it's just fear

I hate these nights, before a doctor's appointment

darkness filled with anxiety

I would think I'd be used to them by now

not be so tense, so worried

Tonight is a little different though, things have started rolling

tomorrow they'll put the order in

I'll say yes, I'll do the treatment,

the

 

year

 

long

 

treatment

 

chemotherapy

and I won't think about the bad things

(my hair will fall out and I'll lose more weight and I won't be able to eat and I might become anemic amd the depression will get worse and I might lose my mind)

(when I only recently got it back)

I just push those thoughts away

deal with them when they happen

because today

just for today

I'm as healthy as can be expected

and there are so many

good things

to sit and dwell on the unpleasant

(weekly injections when I just got away from syringes! And I'm not even getting high off these, just getting sicker, better, sicker, better)

I hate the night before a doctor's appointment

because the dark is filled with confusion

because the dark is filled with condemnation

because the dark is filled with fear

I'm stronger in the sunlight

 

Reviews

[Adrian K. Smith]

There are so many thoughts that take on a life of their own when one contemplates treatment for a chronic condition, there is just something about it that robs us of any ability to think of it simply as take two of these in the morning and call if it does not get better. A long road lay ahead, and we can lose sight of where our next footfall should land.

Though the nights before may offer such torment and dread, knowing that each morning will bring strength - offers strength in of itself. It becomes about getting through that night, instead of getting through it all. At times, though we may be loathe to admit it to even ourselves, at times we can only manage small steps; but those steps are still steps forward...

[Mysty Rayn]

This is so sad. I can't imagine how many people must feel this way and could really relate to this. It's great that you wrote it.

[dilettante1890]

A lot of emotion in this. It's very pure.

[Jaffa Forbes]

This is good. You're not afraid to use structure and other techniques to make the reader feel moved. also, it comes from the heart I feel. Good write, well done!
Jaff :)

[[untitled]]

the back and forth of sicker, better is the most powerful place in the poem for me. your tone marks the dualism of emotion - strong and afraid. at least you leave a possible happy ending in the end. poems that speak from deep within can never be criticized in my opinion. just keep hope alive is all anyone can say.

[Belator Books]

Nicely done. I'm impressed with the symmetry and flow. It did not seeme cheesy in the least. I especially like the lines about just getting your mind back, hilarious.

[Alford G. Harris]

this one hits home Mary... anguish is an interesting experience, often leading to candid pieces like this... peace & blessings

[Rachel DeHart]

...
This is so powerful. And sad but uplifting.
I can only wish you the best luck.. and my heart goes out to you.

"to sit and dwell on the unpleasant
(weekly injections when I just got away from syringes! And I'm not even getting high off these, just getting sicker, better, sicker, better)"

This part especially pulls at me. I have spent many days and nights sitting with my mother worrying about her health the night before a big appointment.

Wonderful poem on a very deep and powerful subject.