Introduction

Introduction to the story to capture your attention.

People once sang stories of Camelot, of King Arthur’s and Lancelot his trusted Knight. The Lovely Guinevere  and lets not forget the Great Merlin. Centuries have past and people now see this epic tale as a story. A mere bed time story to tell their children, but no one know the great Prophecy Merlin died. The Great War that will soon be coming soon and a child will play pivotal role.

Noah was a trained sorcerer, he had the gift that many people dreamed of that is until it all came crashing down on him and he was force to become a squire to Sir. Frederick of the House of Silver Feather. One of the Noble families of the twelve  Kingdoms of Aven. Noah soon learn that the house and other Kingdom are heading for war....as he soon learn that the Stories of the great King Arthur are very real and that their was a Prophecy long ago told my Merlin when he died....A prophecy which foretold of King Arthur's resurrection  and the rise of Merlin the Great. A time when the once forgotten King will  restore order and rebuild Camelot and the once famed Knights of the Round Table. Now Noah has to choose between his house and loyalty  to the King he now servers and the path to go with the rebels..the ones who fight  for the  King Arthur and the new future it will hold.

Author's Note

Is this Introduction catchy enough?
Did it bore you and why?
What needs to be improved?

Reviews

[Keith]

I liked the story line so far. I was not bored by it at all.
Here are some changes I think would help:
Centuries even decades - should be swapped
The Great War that was soon be coming - maybe "That a great war would be coming soon"
a child that will take a great role in this role. - maybe "a child will play a pivotal role. (The word "great" twice in one sentence is not good.)

Also, be careful to stay in either past or present tense. You jumped between the two at times.

I hope this helps some. You imagination is good and I think you have a nice start.

[Ricky Heyer]

It's interesting, just needs to be cleaned up with tighter grammar and spelling. KWCaudle had some great advice in that regard, so I'd definitely heed it.

[Jamal]

quite the kick a*s introduction

[TKBickel]

I’m intrigued with the story idea. Medieval times are one of my favorite categories.
I’m a little confused on the prophecy. Arthur is already dead. The prophecy kicks in after Merlin dies. So do they both come back from the grave? I know this should clear up as I read the story.
I think this is a good start to a query letter also. Keep that in mind when you are done and ready to chase agents.