She Vol.2

Walking by a small group of guys I noticed my usual extra long-strided let the hips swing & fall where they may I'm in a rush walk, had quickly changed to a cuter stride. My first line came then...

Her hips make an infinity symbol when she walks,

Is she beautiful?

Is she well-taught,

Is she my mother?

Younger.

Does she turn heads?

Or just pages.

Can I hug her and ask who loves her?

Can she give me her trust?

A man who "loves" her can't give her sisterhood,

Have I complimented her?

Told her that magenta sweater suits her,

Her hips make an infinity symbol when she walks,

As she stalks after those kids,

As she clothes and feeds her family,

Her small troop with their former commander gone,

Have moved on,

They've become strong under her leadership,

They've moved on,

She moves along streets,

Peeking around corners,

Looking for the light that will illuminate,

The dark crevices of her mind,

Of the heart that once hoped for finer things,

"As fine as she was she could have been anything.." they say.

Author's Note

All critiques and opinions are welcome. Please, take the time to tell me what you think.
Thanks for reading :) -Tamara

Reviews

[Andrew Wright]

I'm definitely in love with the second "her hips..." stanza. it conveys her reality in a, well... poetic manner. I think the narrative in this poem sounds more observational than the last, so I don't necessarily think it needs another yogurt stanza (sorry Ees ), but it would be nice to see you take the natural movement and accentuate it. also, since the line before it was also in the past tense, 'told' does make sense in the fifth stanza. The entire family aspect looks like it would interesting to see how they've affected her character, and would color her a little more. Or like, Eyes said, the man would be a stark contrast, and would add a certain level of dynamic sliding to the poem itself. Would love to see your short story! :-)

keep 'em coming.

[carol burgess romance]

This is beautiful and great picture of a mom struggling

[Sirius King]

Another good one, keep them coming :-)

[Tamara (The Coy & Clear Poet)]

Thanks guy. I appreciate it:)

[Ees]

"Told her that magenta sweater suits her,"- you mean "tell" I believe, over "told".

This was a good poem, told from an interesting perspective. It had that quality of the beginnings of a story or a book again. It felt like there was a lot more to tell and a few directions that could be expounded upon.

I liked this part, but I didn't think that it was nearly as strong a piece as Volume 1. I think that you should consider adding a twist in style to this, like the yoghurt stanza in the other poem. I think I'd also like to see a glimpse into the mind of the man here, like we get a glimpse into this lady.

anyway, nice work!

[Tamara (The Coy & Clear Poet)]

Well I'm changing that immediately following this comment. Thanks for the encouragement to expound the guy in the equation. I will try expounding a bit. & I'll be sure to read request you :)
I think this may turn into a short story. My biggest fear as far as writing.
Thanks for the read, and the kick in the pants!

[Ees]

Hey! Great job. Deff let me see what else you do with this!

[Ees]

P.S. you said you wanted honesty. haha, I promise to always give you what I think. That doesn't mean I am right of course, but I think the more eyes and thoughts the better for everybody's writing!

[Tamara (The Coy & Clear Poet)]

Agreed thanks again awesome stranger!