It's Only a Penance if I Knew I Could Dodge and Didn't

It's Only a Penance if I Knew I Could Dodge and Didn't

A Poem by Cruz Niq

I looked it in the mouth. 
I saw the tongue.
Squared, powerful teeth up north and down south. 
I smelled it's putrid breath wafting north and east.
I walked around once more to brush it's mane
And stepped in it's opinion of me. 
A sudden shock of pain
The last domino in my consequence.
My stomach became acquainted with it's hooves.
Too much wishing in my travels,
When opportunity and I crossed each other, it crossed a fool,
A fool who let pride get in the way.
Too impatient when I knew the beast was an idle thing.
Nothing to do but bid adieu, 
I understand it's reasoning. 
I shouldn't have looked it in the mouth.

© 2015 Cruz Niq


Author's Note

Cruz Niq
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I really enjoyed this, as my first read from this group-as well as my first review to write. First off, friend, I enjoyed the "when opportunity and I crossed each other, it crossed a fool," and felt that this has been a representative line in what many feel at one time or other. I know that the gift horse the speaker is looking in the mouth is something we all do, since we're all looking out for ourselves, however I feel there's wisdom to gain from this, and a good sense of vagueness in the beginning, yet a clear understanding by the end (at least in my perspective (another great thing about art is that it's in the eye of the beholder (something the speaker didn't see when he he/she had to go too far))). Good stuff. Only thing was the few sentences at the beginning might be fragments, however if you used that as a deliberate way to stress a point, then more power to you.
The "last domino in my conscience" was a definite mark that this has most likely happened in the past, again only a reader's interpretation, or perhaps that there was a wall that the speaker had to tear down in order to take the action, rather than "wishing" once more, and I thought this was an interesting point in the poem as well. As well as these clear images, there seems to be a foil to the horse, which could be a donkey (due to the stubborn nature of the speaker (haha). this is shown by the "pride" and the "fool" part, however only for a slight moment, and I know that wasn't your point, however I do understand that this foil works well against the gift horse.
good stuff

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Cruz Niq

5 Years Ago

I'm glad you relate in some way. I wrote simultaneously about different things, and it makes me happ.. read more



Reviews

A fable, a lesson. Arrogance gets its just reward in the end and, it is the end. Watch out, for in this life it seems, there is always a beast waiting somewhere in the wings. A very good write!

Posted 5 Years Ago


I really enjoyed this, as my first read from this group-as well as my first review to write. First off, friend, I enjoyed the "when opportunity and I crossed each other, it crossed a fool," and felt that this has been a representative line in what many feel at one time or other. I know that the gift horse the speaker is looking in the mouth is something we all do, since we're all looking out for ourselves, however I feel there's wisdom to gain from this, and a good sense of vagueness in the beginning, yet a clear understanding by the end (at least in my perspective (another great thing about art is that it's in the eye of the beholder (something the speaker didn't see when he he/she had to go too far))). Good stuff. Only thing was the few sentences at the beginning might be fragments, however if you used that as a deliberate way to stress a point, then more power to you.
The "last domino in my conscience" was a definite mark that this has most likely happened in the past, again only a reader's interpretation, or perhaps that there was a wall that the speaker had to tear down in order to take the action, rather than "wishing" once more, and I thought this was an interesting point in the poem as well. As well as these clear images, there seems to be a foil to the horse, which could be a donkey (due to the stubborn nature of the speaker (haha). this is shown by the "pride" and the "fool" part, however only for a slight moment, and I know that wasn't your point, however I do understand that this foil works well against the gift horse.
good stuff

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Cruz Niq

5 Years Ago

I'm glad you relate in some way. I wrote simultaneously about different things, and it makes me happ.. read more

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Added on January 15, 2015
Last Updated on January 15, 2015