Someday

Someday

A Poem by ChocolateLovaa

The clock ticks and tocks all night long.
You could hear the rain drops, 
Pittering and pattering against the window.

Your stomach would have that sinking feeling,
The feeling like you didn't quite belong.

It was almost time for happiness,
For the world to be brightened up,
For the sun to shine brighter than ever,
For the seas to be calmer than before.

I will be waiting for this day,
As I know that it'll come,
Someday.

© 2012 ChocolateLovaa


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Okay, let's start with the good things I guess. I like the language used. The onomatopoeia was simple, but effective. The message was nice, it was quite easy and clear to see in the words.

Now just some things you may want to go over... The first verse, last line, "Pittering and Pattering". 'Pattering' doesn't need a capital P. The third verse is slightly cliche, but I guess it works, though if you could think of something that fits in with it, and is more on the original side, it'd be a truly unforgettable poem, I reckon.

It was a great read, pleasant to read. It fit together well, didn't sound very awkward when I read it out loud. It was good, overall. But like I said, it'd be a truly unforgettable poem if you found something original that fitted into the poem for the third verse. Good job Lovaa, keep up with it, write more poems. ;P

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I have a poem like this. Well the subject of one day coming. I loved it great job!

Posted 7 Years Ago


I like this. I think we're all waiting for someday. And some days when you think it'll be that day, it slips away. You captured that. However, I think thois poem has even more potentail. Maybe ad a stanza, and put a little more passion in your words. It's good!

Posted 7 Years Ago


Love it. This poem flows nicely and is great to read. It sounds peaceful when I read it. I hope that day comes too :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


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Posted 7 Years Ago


Wow
Really good!!
The description is good and the poem gives a clear message to the reader.
Kepp up the good work!!!
:)

Posted 7 Years Ago


I like it. The ending was nice. It finished it well. The simplicity of the language just kind of makes me want to smile.

Nice writing. :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Okay, let's start with the good things I guess. I like the language used. The onomatopoeia was simple, but effective. The message was nice, it was quite easy and clear to see in the words.

Now just some things you may want to go over... The first verse, last line, "Pittering and Pattering". 'Pattering' doesn't need a capital P. The third verse is slightly cliche, but I guess it works, though if you could think of something that fits in with it, and is more on the original side, it'd be a truly unforgettable poem, I reckon.

It was a great read, pleasant to read. It fit together well, didn't sound very awkward when I read it out loud. It was good, overall. But like I said, it'd be a truly unforgettable poem if you found something original that fitted into the poem for the third verse. Good job Lovaa, keep up with it, write more poems. ;P

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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EJB
;) nice ending keep writing! :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


This is great! Keep up the good work :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


Had a nice 60's Motown feel to it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KI_0tQdEA5k

Posted 7 Years Ago



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10 Reviews
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Added on May 31, 2012
Last Updated on June 1, 2012

Author

ChocolateLovaa
ChocolateLovaa

LaLa World, Chocolate Landd, Canada



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Nothingg About Me x Name: ChocolateLovaa Age: 109 SCROLL DOWN . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . OMFG YOU SCROLLED DOWN, YOU STALKER :o Haha x So now about me, I l.. more..

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