Honesty, the Open FloodGate of Pain

A good soul brings brutal honesty. It hurts. It hurts a lot.

I had learned it was a good thing, to be honest.

I had learned it always made things better in the end,

To say how you truly feel.

But what I wasn’t ready for,

Was the impact.

The effects it would have on those closest to me.

For me to be honest,

For me to say exactly how I feel,

For me to describe to the ones I love

All that I really think.

It hurts them

It tears them apart

They can’t handle it.

They don’t want to deal with it.

They are in agony with the knowledge of my opinion.

All because I was honest.

Is that how it is?

Is that the punishment for letting your voice and mind go free?

Is this world really so aggressive and precise,

That a few simple sentences will kill me and them?

How close can I get to someone,

To ensure that when I speak,

They’ll be hurt the most?

When is that line crossed?
How do I know?
When do I tell them the truth

And when do I keep it inside of me?

Who is the right person to say it to?

Who is not the person to say it to?

Am I to know if they are able to deal with it if they say they can?

Why does releasing my voice from my cage of a heart,

Destroy instead of create?

Does honesty not heal the soul?

Does lying not make it worse?

Who’s to judge that

And who’s to say they are right and I am wrong?

Not me.

I’m just being honest.

But that isn’t getting me anywhere, is it?

Why can’t I just help him without it becoming a negative?

After all the things I’ve tried,

After all the time I’ve spent trying to get him to feel better and not so depressed.

Still doesn’t work.

He says he is my burden.

But I choose to help him.

It’s my duty, my honor, my job as a conscience in this vessel,

To help others.

Otherwise, I am useless.

I want to help,

I want to make everyone I can feel better.

I know not everyone can be helped entirely,

As much as it f*****g hurts.

Some of them just can’t be helped by me.

Maybe they’ll be helped by someone else or not at all.

Some of them just aren’t lucky.

But I try to help the ones I can touch.

And even so, it still ends up biting me back,

Like this time.

It was my fault he’s feeling like garbage, feeling useless.

It didn’t need to happen like this, but it did.

Cause of me.

I was honest.

I was honest, I had to be me.

Because of that, he’ll be gone

He won’t recover for a while,

And it’s my fault.

Why do teenagers need to be so emotionally pained?
Why does it have to bother us so much?
With the new emotions we feel for the first time it hurts so much.

That’s why some people don’t make it through.

They don't make it through the harsh trials.

Some of them do, some don’t.

Teens suffer the most from this.

Sure adults do also.

It never truly goes away.

Since our brain hates us and always will.

But adults can deal with it better, usually.

Not like a teenager.

We need to flex,

We need to deal with the change.

We need to work this out,

Through the pain and sufferings.

We’ll get somewhere,

Eventually.

Even if this time it was my fault.

Author's Note

This was a coping method for me during a time where I regretted being honest. "He" is my friend who suffered.

Reviews

[KarinaNovakMonsonego]

We need to stop making this snow flake generation ok. People have always trouble seeing themselves as they are. I feel you are an honest ipen person. No one should let you doubt tgat. Certainly no one should have the power to silence your opinionfiiled voice.

[Connor Shane]

Oh thanks! Yeah it’s hard being honest at times. But it’ll never hurt more than lying right? Thank you for your thoughts!

[Carmen Williams]

I can relate to this a lot. I'm usually the person that conforts everyone else, but while helping them, it's hard to be 100% honest. I hate hurting people, which sometimes causes me to get hurt. This poem was great. It was a little long, but you did a great job expressing what you wanted to get across.

[Connor Shane]

Yup, it’s certainly difficult to be honest yet know when not to say something. I also just put down everything I was feeling so if it seems long that’s why? Thanks!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, the brain does seem to hate us sometimes...it doesn't want what the heart needs...and honesty is always the best way to go...but sometimes silence is what is necessary...
things maybe better left unsaid.
j.

[Connor Shane]

Yeah, it's a skill to learn when not to say anything and just drop it. Thanks!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Indeed honesty and frankness is a double edged sword as some thrive on it whilw others wilt away in pain and horror. I did find this somewhat over long to get the message across!

[Connor Shane]

Long? Fair enough, I just really wanted to get down all of what I wanted to say about how I felt.