Freedom from myself

Freedom from myself

A Poem by Elizabeth Marie

 A boy once told me he didn't have a name,

He showed me a place where i could fly free,

without the worry's of every day,

that drag me down to the depths of the sea,

he gave me a smile that faded away,

as we left that shaded place where I could be myself,

without that heavy mask that weighs me down,

that makes me tiered at the end of the day,

To be free gives me away,

The warmth of my heart,

the sound of my song,

the way i am all day long.

© 2009 Elizabeth Marie

Author's Note

Elizabeth Marie
I so cant write sorry... :)

My Review

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I like the first four lines (like them a lot - pulling the reader into a bit of a fantasy world). The next four lines are so-so (should tiered be tired?), and the last four seem a bit weak (as though you're giving up on the poem and merely putting a few words on paper). The idea of the warmth of your heart and sound of your song are good enough, but the lines need something more - maybe they should match the other lines in length or expand on the ideas brought forth in the earlier lines. Just a few thoughts. :-)

Posted 13 Years Ago

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1 Review
Added on December 15, 2009


Elizabeth Marie
Elizabeth Marie

Southwest Harbor/ Bar Harbor, ME

I love to draw, paint, write, sleep, and other stuff. more..