Omen Songs

I no longer speak half-God but I still dream of firefly lanterns and cricket serenades of Cicada warnings and bull frog brigades

I no longer speak 

half-God but I can still dream

of firefly lanterns

cricket serenades

bull frog brigades bellowing

cicada warnings

with each passing tick

tock tick tock the truth tells time

in translations lost

still, I understand

yearnings, lessons, not unsung

landscapes marked with age

because God speak dwells

inside life come full circle

native tongue regained

Author's Note

Okay so I've written and rewritten this 6 ways to Sunday finally leaving it in Senryu format. And the second to last stanza doesn't seem quite right. Help! Please!

It started with what I wrote in the description which I think could be its own poem as is.

Reviews

[Larry Dyson]

love the flow and assonance(sp?)...of the wordings.

[DCT ponderings]

Thank you EM!

[quinfinn]

still, i understand
yearnings, lessons, not unsung
landscapes marked with age

this is probably the finest write with which you have presented me...outstanding!

[DCT ponderings]

OH Quinn Bless you. For the compliment and for the help with the Stanza..... that was driving me nuts. Just couldn't get it quite right. I will absolutely use your suggestion. I love it.

[quinfinn]

glad you like my humble offering, you are always welcome.

[DCT ponderings]

Like it indeed! It was the very salve I needed. That is why I am here at WC for reviews and creative collaboration so I can hone this craft and touch the muse.

[K. Louis]

Great imagery here..loved it!

[DCT ponderings]

Thanks K

[Horizon K.]

I love how this takes me to a place I have not visited recently.... Listening, finding truth in the language spoken by nature... Meditative and connecting....lovely!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i think the last line could be "mark" instead of "marking" to fit the 5 syllable scheme...

but otherwise that is such and important part of the poem...aged landscapes...the lessons of nature...and what we find is that it is all one language in the end...no matter what we speak...the appreciation is like it was in the beginning...the creation of it all...it is beautiful.

nice way to present this too..

and as you said...often too much tinkering destroys a piece rather than making it better.

often what comes out first is best...it is like taking a true/false test and going back and changing answers...we often find doing that the original answer was write...and we second guessed ourselves...i think as poets we often do the same...

really like your writing.

jacob

[DCT ponderings]

Thank you Jacob. I have to admit I have often reverted back to the very beginning of a piece. Chiaroscuro was just such an example. I tried rewriting it in various formats finally coming full circle to where I had begun. If nothing it was a good exercise. :)

This poem began with nothing but what I had in the description and some ideas. I realized it needed a form. So I tried it in Senryu.

I couldn't decide if aged was 2 syllables or 1. Aged or Ag-ed. I finally figured 1 and used marking but your note indicates that perhaps I should have picked door B and used Mark. This was one of my back and forth edits. Thanks for the comments.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Personally, i was very impressed with this as it is. You have forged a coheisive concept in a very difficult form...it was easy to forget they were Senryu and not just a beautifully written and well tempoed free verse piece. The idea was brilliat, as was the imagery. I wish I had more constructive criticism for you, but I couldn't find a thing to change. Well done.

[DCT ponderings]

Thanks Sarah that actually helps a lot. Sometimes you change things around so many times you no longer feel objective. :)

[Sami Khalil]

Creative to the bones...Well done...:)

[DCT ponderings]

:)) thanks. I just recently read an article in the New Yorker about the return of the cicadas 17 year cycle. As an Ex-East Coaster I was taken back to a time and place and my love for the sounds that omens make.

[Sami Khalil]

Good to know...You are welcome...:)

[Shaun Payton]

Yup, brilliant creative talented hehe:) I really dont know any suggestioms for that second to last stanza, seemed good enough to me DCT.

[Shaun Payton]

plus why take advice from me, i cant spell today, suggestioms lol

[DCT ponderings]

some days spelling is overrated. I think there is a poem to be written with misspellings and incorrect word usage somewhere.....

[Shaun Payton]

yeah i wrote one once and called it "Take Form And Spelling And Shove It" after a critic called me cliché and poetically unlearned hehe

[DCT ponderings]

No sense of humor I'd say!

[Shaun Payton]

He definitley did not like my form, or response lol But so be it, not everyone is going to like everything:)

[DCT ponderings]

so true.

[Shaun Payton]

glad he never read my dotted poem, he woulda had a fit haha

[DCT ponderings]

;0~..........

[Shaun Payton]

hehe

[Peter H]

hmmmmmmmmmm , very intricate write i like it :)

[DCT ponderings]

Thank you.

[Callum]

a reflection of cadence. amazing poem!

Cal :o)

[DCT ponderings]

Thanks Cal. If you read another I recommend Chiaroscuro. I think you'll enjoy it. Since a Romantic you seem to be.

[Callum]

cool...will check it out. :o)