Burnt Cracked Wobbly

 

Above the sky
even farther
something isolated
worn out and old

I raise my eyes
to that which passes
from one year to another
from death to death

The stars seem worn out
their cogs,
burnt, cracked
and wobbling

I make my way like a horse
with one shoe
the darkness
does not shock me

My fear is an empty seed
but my shadow is exhausted:
there is no distance greater
than my life

Time hands us a speed trap
a flash of breath, of body
of earth’s blood
blackened by our presence

but I’m telling you nothing
about this life or about
the geometric majesty
of the universe    

For now, there will be the seasons:
April’s nubile fragrance,
the fat heat of August,

fall and winter’s landslides of beauty

====================================

from my unpublished manuscript: inheritance

©dah / dahlusion 2018 all rights reserved

first published in Amethyst Review (UK)

Reviews

[Casey Truax]

You portray emotional desolation with brevity and skill. It doesn't feel whiny or self-indulgent. "there is no distance greater / than my life" is my favorite line here. If I looked for a way to express that idea I don't think I could do so with any more concision.

[DAH]

Thank you!

DAH

[Scarlet]

"The stars seem worn out their cogs, burnt, cracked and wobbling" I love how you worded that.

[DAH]

Thank you, Scarlet, I'm happy that it stirred up some good feelings for you. Thanks for the comment!

Cheers,
DAH

[Robert Trakofler]

Those wobbly cogs and that hobbley gait. create consummate choreographic canters that even in the darkness cannot be obscured. I once wrote a song actually it was my first song about "you are dancing in the darkness.... memorizing steps on turn" (before Bruce stole my line:) the gist of that line is walking thru life unawares just following orders etc... you are dancing in the darknesss to your own light my friend and your choreography is placed immemorial into your poetry. why the hell would you be afraid of death your permanently affixed in verse keep the burning

[DAH]

A fine comeback. Congrats on the first song.

Thank you, Robert

[Robert Trakofler]

oh i wrote that song back in 1981 I don't think i can remember most of it anymore:)

[DAH]

... none-the-less, it's still a song, somewhere

[Ted Kniffen]

Questions of Life...death...and the Hereafter...if it exists
The myth is ancient...once believed but now struck down by the religion of science...we can tell people the story but will they believe.
In the end we have this life and that is enough.

A good write, DAH

[DAH]

Thank you, Ted

[Lorry]

There are so many great lines that add, layer by layer, towards the faults and flaws we are surrounded by, but rarely question just how dysfunctional this crazy thing called life is, but my favourite, the one that truly resonates with me is, "there is no distance greater than my life." Until you said it, I guess I had never looked at the bigger picture in full, but now you have, I find myself wondering how I never saw it. How could there be anything we could measure more? Makes perfect sense now.
The last verse stands out also, with acceptance that there is beauty and wonder to be found, if we break it down to smaller parts.
Love the dystopia feel to this, with shades of hope that there will be more to come, and maybe learn.

[DAH]

Yes, the distance that we travel ... yes, the greatest of all. Happy to read that this one resonates so deeply with you, Lorry.

Thank you, DAH

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Indeed is appears the protagonist does not fear death and accepts that the universe and life moves on and grinds its way perhaps to the demise of mankind. Love the allegories in this and the descriptions in a well crafted free verse.

[DAH]

Thank you, John, glad it resonates

[Chris]

Like a Kilroy - I paused here
Eyes held aloft by finger(s')tips
"Nice garden."

[DAH]

Thank you for the read and for the encouraging words

[Chris]

Paralleled paths - giving 3d perceptions... an in-body experience.

[Eilis]

Your work is energizing to read poet to poet. Precision would be my one word description. I love the images/ and mood in this. The carefulness with which I'd wager you crafted it. That last stanza in particular -- your descriptions (April, August) -- are inspired.

Looking forward to exploring your poems in greater depth when I have some time to spend on them. Nice to meet you, DAH.

[DAH]

Thank you, Eilis, and I'm honored that this poem has moved you to write this fine critique.

Cheers,
DAH

[gram linski]

A great description of Entropy encroaching as the Universe, slowly grinds to a halt, cogs burnt cracked and wobbly, good poem

[DAH]

Thank you, gram!