The Spider (Poem)

The Spider (Poem)

A Poem by Damien Davison
"

I see a fly...

"
This is it
I see a fly
Or is hunger
Playing with my mind
I hope it's not the latter
Cause I'm dying slowly. 

Fading away.

© 2012 Damien Davison


Author's Note

Damien Davison
A spider was in my bathroom...

My Review

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Featured Review

Dude, I love this. Super creative. In it's simplicity, it speaks volumes. A reader could run off down many rabbit trails. Who is the predator? Who is the parasite? Is it me? or is it Life? The only snag I see is that last line... For some reason it doesn't fit for me. It's too absolute, which makes the poem's end concrete instead of open-ended, and recognizes the listener, which now is us, and not only him speaking to himself. I like it better him speaking to himself. I'd lose it or adjust it. Fantastic write!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Damien Davison

11 Years Ago

I really appreciate the constructive criticism, I'll be sure to keep the spider talking to itself. N.. read more



Reviews

I have to agree with the previous reviewer. The last line just doesn't really cut it for me. I really do like the poem, though.

You have to be careful not to over-estimate the whole simplicity of things because at times they might even borderline dull. I think the one thing that made is stand out was the line "or is hunger playing with my mind?" because it really gives the spider it's own personality. It notices it's life dwindling and it's not sure if it can hold on long enough to catch that one fly.

I think there could have also been a creative way to say the second to last stanza. Your poetry is very simple and subtle. I enjoyed reading this poem. Good luck and happy writing.

Cheers!
87/100

Posted 11 Years Ago


Damien Davison

11 Years Ago

Thank you for reading and reviewing this piece. Really one of my less powerful... I wrote a song on .. read more
gloomysundays

11 Years Ago

Oh, I'll be sure to look into your more recent poems then.
Dude, I love this. Super creative. In it's simplicity, it speaks volumes. A reader could run off down many rabbit trails. Who is the predator? Who is the parasite? Is it me? or is it Life? The only snag I see is that last line... For some reason it doesn't fit for me. It's too absolute, which makes the poem's end concrete instead of open-ended, and recognizes the listener, which now is us, and not only him speaking to himself. I like it better him speaking to himself. I'd lose it or adjust it. Fantastic write!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Damien Davison

11 Years Ago

I really appreciate the constructive criticism, I'll be sure to keep the spider talking to itself. N.. read more

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2 Reviews
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Added on October 10, 2012
Last Updated on October 10, 2012
Tags: The Spider, Damien, Davison, Poems