Just the Thought of You

Just the thought of you

Makes me smile from the inside out

Just the thought of you holding me

Makes my whole body tingle

Just the thought of you against me

Makes me want you like a child wants  candy

Just the thought of being around you

Makes my life all the more better

Author's Note

i think make is in here way too much. sorry.

Reviews

[fireblossom]

Like they say on American Idol sometimes...wow that is really good for 16! It is sweet and gentle and well written.

One thing you can consider Ta'shandra...metaphor, simile-comparison, etc.

For example, you say Makes me want you, then you say, more and more. Can you replace more and more with a simile by adding the word like?

I love you like a kid loves the circus...
Makes me want you like a thirsty person wants a drink...

You can even drop the thirsty person part.. like a cool drink of water on a hot day.

See how the hot day might mean the way you feel and the cool drink is how having your love would satisfy you?

These are some more advanced writing techniques that I am sure I've already seen you use in some of your other poems.

Keep up the good work TB :-)

[Fabric Pulse]

Makes the reader want to dance and smile all warm inside.

[Bridget Mcmaken]

short sweet and lovely. This is really amazing and fits together perfectly. The flow is wonderful. It makes me think of how I feel for my boyfriend. Your words are strong and caring. Great poem I like this one very much, thanks for sharing.

[Katannaism]

Short. Sweet. Romantic and just simply lovely. And just enough to express the emotions given... et cetera. Good write~

[GlamGirl]

I like it, it is short and sweet! Very cute! :)

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

Not to much at all, just enough feelings to let it be shown in your poem!

[Althelia Marie Caine]

I can very much relate to this. Wanting to be close to the person you love is one of our greatest desires. I feel where you are coming from.

[E.Gleaves]

I like it. It's short and sweet. If you feel that a word is in your poem too much find other ways to get the same thought across

[lifesmith]

I don't think make is in here way too much, haha. I like it. just short enough yet still gets the message through