Of Sins & Fathers (Part One

Of Sins & Fathers (Part One

A Chapter by Danger

Here we get started and introduce most of our main characters. Hope you have fun with this.


Issue #1

Page 1

PANEL 1: Full Splash page.  Eric and Amanda laying on a couch in Eric's room, watching a movie.  We see them from the POV of the TV.

Page 2

PANEL 1: Sam runs (normal speed)  though the open door.

PANEL 2: Shows Sam in front of TV, from Eric and Amanda's POV.  Sam is unbuckling his belt.
Sam: “I've got something to show you guys!”

PANELS (3-7): These five panels should all be the same POV and size.  They point from between Sam's legs at Eric and Amanda.  In Panel 3, we see them confused.  In Panel 4, they are obscured by the crotch of Sam's pants.  In the Panels 5 and 6, Sam's pants have fallen and we see Eric and Amanda's horrified faces.  Panel Seven is the same, but now they're laughing.

Page 3

PANEL 1: Close of Eric's face.
Eric: "What are you supposed to be?"

PANEL 2:  Close of Sam's face.
Sam: "Me?"

PANEL 3: Sam, standing tall and brazen, in a green body suit with blue boots, blue gloves, a blue belt, and a big, blue, stylish "VF" on his chest.
Sam: "I'm Very Fast!"
Eric's Narration:  "My name is Eric Johnson.  And I'm the son of the most powerful being to walk the planet."

Page 4

PANEL 1: Starts the continued narration at the top: “My father controlled Heat and Light energy”
Shows Hellfire figured throwing fireballs at costumed person who we assume is a villain.

PANEL 2: Hellfire holding another “villain” above his head, as though he's going to body slam her.  If it's not too vague to say, make him look really powerful and heroic.  God-like.
Continued Narration: “No enemy could stand against him.”

PANEL 3: Hellfire shooting a stream of flame at yet another “villain.”  The “villain” is obviously in pain.
Continued Narration: “He could burn anything.  He only had one weakness . . .”

Page 5

PANEL 1: Splash page.  Effie Johnson dead, held by the arm by Speed Agent (off screen).  Tears are visible on her face.
Continued Narration: “ . . . My mother.”
“She had no powers.  She had no secret identity.”
“Her only sin was being able to attract my father.”
“And it worked.”

Page 6

PANEL 1: Splash page.  De-powered Hellfire, in costume, beaten, bloody, and very much dead.
Continued Narration: “He was ambushed.” 
“He was weakened.”
“He was beaten by the most unlikely of forces.”

Page 7

PANEL 3: Splash page.  The figure from the Effie Page revealed.  Speed Agent again, standing, clutching Effie's arm (Effie's off panel, now).
Continued Narration: “He was beaten by a runner.”

Page 8

PANEL 1:  Speed Agent standing over a crib in another part of the “lair.”
Continued Narration: “After my father's reign was ended, they found a baby in his “lair.”“

PANEL 2:  The content of the crib.  A baby.  Eric.
Continued Narration: “The runner had no idea what to do with it . . .”

Page 9

PANEL 1: Exterior of a very austere, obviously government owned building. There should be a US flag visible.
Continued Narration: “ . . . so he brought me back to his government.”

PANEL 2:  Interior, a normal looking classroom.  Few of the Facility's students should look weird.
Continued Narration: “The Government had recently set up a program for individuals who were, I guess, “gifted” . . .”

PANEL 3: Rest of page.  Normal looking gymnasium.  Students are practicing on an obstacle course.  Some life heavy things.  Other's are throwing objects.  Two are airborne.  None are fighting.

Page 10

PANEL 1:  Men in black suits exiting a car in front of a normal, suburban looking house.  A couple stands in the open door.
Continued Narration: “Having no idea what I may be capable of, they had no choice but to take care of me.  They had orphaned me, after all.”

PANEL 2:  The couple watches the young Eric at play on the floor.
Continued Narration:  “I was their responsibility . . .”

PANEL 3:  Close view of baby Eric, smiling at the camera.
Continued Narration: “ . . . and they feared that I'd turn against them . . .”

Page 11

PANEL 1:  Splash page.  Television newscast.  A news anchor holding papers and speaking with smiles to the camera.
Continued Narration: “ . . .Like my father had.”
Newsman: “ . . . are still getting the details, but it appears that international terrorist threat to the United States, Hellfire, has been defeated by the country's own Speed Agent.  We're trying to assemble this story as fast as we can, but―Oh, I'm getting word that CWN's own Katie Blane is on the scene with an exclusive.  Katie?”

Page 12

PANEL 1:  Katie Blane stands, smiling, next to Speed Agent.  He's much taller than her, and looking very official and heroic.
Katie Blane: “Yes, Davis, I'm here now with Speed Agent, our country's greatest hero.  Speed Agent, what can you tell us about your apprehension of Hellfire?”
Speed Agent: “Well, Katie, it's mostly confidential.”

PANEL 2:  Closer on Speed Agent, but Katie's hand and microphone are still visible.
Speed Agent: “But I can tell you that Hellfire will be taken to trial for his crimes against the international community and this country.”

PANEL 3:  Baby Eric plays in front of the TV, while his parents watch the newscast.
Katie Blane (on TV): “Thank God for you, Speed Agent, for bringing this threat to justice.”
Speed Agent (on TV): “Believe me, Katie, I was just doing my job.”

Page 13

PANEL 1:  A young Eric (about 8) walks with a back pack on.  A figure is seen in black on top of a nearby building.
Narration continues: “Ever get the feeling that somebody was watching you?  I did . . . “

PANEL 2: Close on the figure on top of the building.  He holds a walkie-talkie and wears armless glasses.
Continued Narration: “ . . . and I was right.”

PANEL 3:  Back in Eric's home.  Eric sits at a table, apparently doing homework.  His back pack is visible.  Behind him, his foster father greets the same men in black who dropped him off there.
Continued Narration: “Considering the amazing power that my father commanded, it was logical to believe that I would develop strengths of my own.  And my father, apparently, was the most powerful, tactical, and inventive “villain” they had ever encountered.”

Page 14

PANEL 1: One of the men in black with his hand on Eric's shoulder, apparently trying to get his attention.  Eric is looking up at him.  The man is old, but wears a smile.  Eric's face is curious.
Continued Narration: “I learned of my paternal history when I was only 8 years old.  Way too young to understand the gravity of my situation.”

PANEL 2: The foster parents stand out of the group.  The men sit on the couch on both sides of Eric.  He looks up to the man on his left, the older man from before.
Continued Narration: “Imagine what you would think if your caretakers came to you one day, sat you down, and told you such an amazing story.”
“That your father was a world famous super villain.  He was a “bad guy.””
“That they had killed him.  That they had killed your mother.  Two people you don't remember at alll.”
“That they would control your life until the day you died.”

Page 15

PANEL 1:  Close on Eric's shocked face.
Continued Narration: “I don't have to imagine.”

PANEL 2:  Same shot.
Continued Narration: “I was that boy.”

PANEL 3:  Same shot, but this time, Eric wears a slight smile.
Continued Narration: “And I only had on thing on my mind.”

PANEL 4:  Eric has leaped from the couch and thrown his hands up in celebration.  This one should be significantly larger than the other three.
Young Eric: “I'm gonna get to FLY!”

Page 16

PANEL 1:   Teenage Eric walking out of his house, pissed.
Continued Narration: “Things were never the same after that.”
Teen Eric: “Screw you, Gary!  You're not even my real DAD!”

PANEL 2:  A police officer has Eric bent over the hood of a squad car.
Continued Narration: “I got into trouble with the law.”
Eric: “It's not mine, officer.  True story!”

PANEL 3:  Similar shot.  I'm thinking the same.
Continued Narration: “A lot.”
Eric: “He hit me first officer, I swear to God!”

PANEL 4:   We see Eric standing alone from the side of a police man carrying a night stick.
Continued Narration: “And a lot.”
Eric: “Is there a problem officer?”

Page 17

PANEL 1:   I think of all the panels of this page being horizontal and the same hieght.  A classroom full of students.  In the center is an empty desk.
Continued Narration: “I hardly ever went to class.”
Teacher (off panel): “Jackson?”
Student (boy): “Here.”
Teacher: “Jefferson?”
Student (girl): “Present!”
Teacher: “Johnson? . . . Johnson?”

PANEL 2: Eric is seen with a two other guys.  Each holds a bottle in a brown paper bag.  Eric has his arms around both of their shoulders.  They're obviously having a good, drunk, time.  In the background, on a building, we can see another man in black.
Continued Narration: “They were still watching me, but I found out that they would only act if I did something . . . “special.”  Until then, they couldn't touch me.”

PANEL 3: Amanda is shown, standing alone, holding books, and looking back at the camera.  Lots of peripheral people surround her, but none are near her.
Continued Narration: “And then I met her.”

PANEL 4:  Back to shot of the three guys.  All are frozen and have impressed, shocked faces.  They're stunned by her.
Continued Narration: “And everything changed again.”

Page 18

PANEL 1:  Eric follows Amanda.  He's trying to get her attention and she's ignoring him.
Continued Narration: “At first she wasn't interested . . .”

PANEL 2:   Eric is writing on a bathroom wall, angry.  He's written “AW is a SLU”
Continued Narration: “And I got mad.”

PANEL 3:  Close on a telephone.  “Johnson” is visible on the caller ID.
Continued Narration: “But eventually she started to come around.”

PANEL 4:   Amanda, sitting up on her bed with the phone to her ear.
Continued Narration: “And she allowed me to court her.  I'll have to tell that story someday.”

Page 19

PANEL 1: The shape of all the panels on this page should match those of Page 17.  Eric is lying on his bed.
Continued Narration: “Things kept changing.”
Eric: “Yeah, Amanda, I did my part of the assignment . . .”

PANEL 2:   Eric still lying in bed, looking disgusted.
Continued Narration: “I started to become a different person.”
Eric: “I can't do it tonight, Mark, Me and Amanda are going to the show.”

PANEL 3:   Eric still lying in bed.
Continued Narration: “I started to become . . . “
Eric: “I don’t do that kinda thing, anymore, Mark.”

PANEL 4:  Repeat of top panel on page 17, but with Eric there with his hand up.
Continued Narration: “ . . . a good guy.”
Teacher (off panel): “Jackson?”
Student (boy): “Here.”
Teacher: “Jefferson?”
Student (girl): “Here.”
Teacher: “Johnson?”
Eric: “Present!”

Page 20

PANEL 1: Splash page collage.  Eric and Amanda on various dates.  They go to the movies.  They sit in the park.  The share a root beer float.  They laugh.  They sit on a bed (legs crossed, not sexual.  This one is near the bottom on the right).
Continued Narration: “ Things were really good.”
“I got to go to normal high school, because I wasn't dangerous.”
“I was doing good in class.”
“My “parents” were happy.”
“We were happy.”
“We were so happy.”
“We were best friends.”

Page 21

PANEL 1:  A  square, top left.  Maybe about an sixth or something of the page.  It should be small enough that the next shot looks impressive, but large enough that you can clearly see Eric and Amanda close.  Eric and Amanda, continued from the last shot on the previous page, leaning in and kissing.
Continued Narration: “Then we were a little more.”

PANEL 2: Most of rest of page.  Eric in a tuxedo, with red accents, and Amanda in a pink dress.  They're posing for prom pictures.
Continued Narration: “Like other high school couples, we went to prom together.”
“And we did what other couples do on prom night . . .”

PANEL 3: Same sized square as in the top left, but on the bottom right.  Exterior shot of a car.  Eric and Amanda are obscured, but visible from the outside.
Continued Narration: “And that's when it happened . . .”

Page 22

PANEL 1: Splash page.  Exterior of the car.  It's completely engulfed in an explosion.  We can barely see the figures inside, and they're only dark silhouettes.
Continued narration: “I exploded.”

© 2008 Danger

My Review

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Featured Review

Screenplays are very hard to follow at times with out a primiss. This is good work so far but it is very hard to follow because it looks and feels like a directors follow sheet not the play itself. My suggestion would take a look at what Allen Alder did with mash. You can read those work on the internet. You first have to have the story which include the total plot with out direction. Then the work can be preformed around the story itself. Good start, stay the course.

Posted 13 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Posted 1 Year Ago

I like what I've read so far. It took me a while... and as I read it I have to picture it like a comic book kinda... but it works... and I see where it's going. Cool. :-) I like it.

Posted 13 Years Ago

sorry, will have to come back on this one.

Posted 13 Years Ago

Screenplays are very hard to follow at times with out a primiss. This is good work so far but it is very hard to follow because it looks and feels like a directors follow sheet not the play itself. My suggestion would take a look at what Allen Alder did with mash. You can read those work on the internet. You first have to have the story which include the total plot with out direction. Then the work can be preformed around the story itself. Good start, stay the course.

Posted 13 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Great job so far, you have put a lot of effort into this project. Quite interesting, very detailing and descriptive.

Posted 13 Years Ago

Wow, a lot of work went into this write, and I am no critic of the form and making of screenplays. There are screenplay software out there that can assist in the writing in this form. I can see your characters and also see the different scenes you've painted well. Write on ...

Posted 13 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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7 Reviews
Added on March 11, 2008



Detroit, MI

I'm a writer, der. I'm a student English degree. My primary projects are my novel, short story book, and comic book. I come from Detroit. In addition, I'm helping to develop projects for a few othe.. more..

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