Unintended

Unintended

A Poem by Dani California
"

Spoken word

"

Spinning in circles, going nowhere; jumping hurdles; gasping for air; seeking answers; not what it seems; empty promises; shattered dreams; careless whispers; racing minds; slow down a minute, you're going blind; things that matter, things that don't; people who'll care, people who won't; giving love, finding hate; hold my heart but please don't break; searching for truth; telling lies; lovers laugh; loneliness cries; counting good deeds; subtracting sins; keeping score; no one wins; pain filled moments; stolen breaths; longing for shelter; inching toward death; a loving touch; a long embrace; kissing lips; where is this place; hand to mouth; unattainable wealth; incurable disease; poor mental health; winners and losers; predators and prey...

 

I truly don't believe God intended it this way. 

 

 



 

© 2008 Dani California


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Featured Review

Dani, I've got to agree with my sister that the flow of this is excellent -- it is such a smooth read that develops a nice fast pace. You have some excellent phrasing here, and it easily causes the mind to ponder many things....a truly great piece.

Posted 12 Years Ago


6 of 6 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I truly think sometimes we as humans are a experiment of emotions,
faults. You captured it all it seems even without a breath.

These are strong words, wondering what was really intended.
Is this the way it was suppose to be, what we as humans were to
endure? Life is not perfect, so we are here as trial and error,
to learn by our mistakes, maybe, even to be judged, but we still
go on with our pained smiles.

Is that what we've come to, fake faces, pretenders.
This poem makes you think. AD

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Wow !! what a great piece ,

Spinning in circles, going nowhere; jumping hurdles; gasping for air; seeking answers; not what it seems; empty promises; shattered dreams; careless whispers; racing minds; slow down a minute, you're going blind; things that matter, things that don't; people who'll care, people who won't; giving love, finding hate; hold my heart but please don't break; -----

This opening stanza talks so much of all of our lifes... going to my favorites .............

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

No ... 'He' certainly didn't intend this; we did it to oursellves. I found myself thinking about this passage after reading through your words a few times;
John 3:16 (The Message)

16-18"This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn't go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person's failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him.

Wonderful write

Phill(ozofee)


Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sadly...I can truly relate to this write. I often look at the world from a sort of disconnected perspective and think about how it seems a little like an experiment gone awry...and I can't imagine that the creator intended for the world to be as it is today, but that's both the beauty and the pain of free-will.

The flow of this one was wonderful...and I can truly "hear" the words when I read it, which makes me think it would sound beautiful as spoken word. Nicely done!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

longing for shelter; inching toward death;

Amazing!! Dani you really out did yourself with this one it flows expertly and the words you choose fit perfectly I especially liked the above lines.

Send me read request when you post new stuff so I don't miss anything.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I'm with you on every call here Dani. The format is great...diffrent and very readable (always a good thing)
You have pointed out almost every flaw in society and your reader will identify in many areas. I have found there is no point in worrying about things because they are all lessons we learn from and through that awareness we have a very important tool (forewarned is fore-armed)
You go you good thing...
Helen xxx

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Wow, I love this poem Dani, delving thoughts that intently draws the reader to ponder,
and the meaning is open to interpretation, which allows each reader to conform
the insight and draw an indivisual sense of knowledge, those things unintended.
brilliantly composed and expressed

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Most of this poem sounds like my life...I don't if God intended it to be this way or not. We all have to go through trials and tribs for our own spiritual maturation and complete reliance upon Him. I think this is a wonderful, thought-provoking piece of writing. I like something that slaps me in the face every now and then. It would be great for a poetry slam.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

You really are something else. This is wonderful. I don't believe God meant for it to be this way either. You put this together so perfectly. Bravo Dani, really.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Wow. This is a wonderful piece. I love the flow of the poem an how it simply drips with emotion. I find it a really accurate portrayal of the hardships and problems in this place we live in. Many do not realize how difficult the world can really be or they ignore the sufferings that may plague their fellow man. This, however, really brings all that into the light. Wonderfully written, great job! =)

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on March 13, 2008
Last Updated on May 31, 2008

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Dani California
Dani California

CA



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