Waiting

Waiting

A Poem by Dani California

Taunting, you summon me.

Drawing me with thought,

whispering between words;

seduce me, steal my soul;

my fingers slip.   

 

Falling into endless fantasy;

desire is all I feel,

empty spaces are all I see;

catch me, silence me, 

as I spiral.    

 

Suspended in motionless time, 

fragile resistance keeps me bound;

obsession ties me; touching,

owning me.

 

Searching for an escape;

the room is dark,      

sanity questions my mind;

I close my eyes and find you there,

waiting.

 

 

 

 

 

© 2008 Dani California


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I'd really like to be inside your mind when you write these types of pieces as you arouse my curiousity so that I want to know just who you're thinking about...lol. A past lover? Fantasy lover? C'mon Dani... I feel the NEED ...for speed. Haha.

From a serious perspective, I do concur that the piece has a hynotic feel which reflects obsession. It is intense, strong, and dominant as you allow this (mystery lover...lol) to control your desires and thoughts although the seduction is carried out softly and teasingly...as we read :

whispering between words.

You're willingly bound by your desires, and the movement in stanza two is brilliant as I felt myself spiraling.

Falling into endless fantasy:
desire is all I feel,
empty spaces are all I see;
catch me, silence me,
as I spiral.

This one sort of reminds me of your piece 'Unveiling".... Very mysterious, sensual, soft yet oh - so powerful.

Those last two lines send quite a chill down my spine....literally. Bravo, love :-) You know that my favorites will soon be filled with you.
x



Posted 11 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Dani,

amazing as always! truley i miss everyone here....

This poem is beautiful for many reasons, the imagry, creativity, but most of all depth.
I feel if we can write a poem that has a hig identifiability ratio, more will understand.
What grabs me, is this poem can be applied to many different scenarios in a apersons life.
for ex.
the longing of a lost lover,
as amanda said, the state of submission
as another said, obsession
an addiction,
or simply confusion... beautiful write, and very powerful...

you have touched me as usual darlin' and i hope all is well!

much love n' respect

-Lalli

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I read this to be about a fall into obsession, slow and gentle. First a few words, the words provoke thought that takes our subject back to the source of the words. I read "My fingers slip" as an indication of the precarious hold she had on reality.

But as written her fingers slip and she falls. Falls into the obsession where her thoughts revolve about her obsession. But it doesn't feel like falling, "obsession ties me; touching, owning me."

And finally, even in sleep ... obsession is there waiting.

That's how I read this. The poem was technically precise, spelling and punctuation impeccable. I very much enjoyed.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

All the right ingredients are in this piece to make for an alluring and profound journey. I really enjoyed the mood and flow. Excellent word weaving!




Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

i love the atmosphere you create in this piece........powerfully written : )

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Very well done. I liked it. You really had power behind everything you said in this piece well done.

-The Queen

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Such a Powerful write.

Searching for an escape;
the room is dark,
sanity questions my mind;
I close my eyes and find you there,
waiting.

I like this stanza alot, this is very well written and well said....Kim



Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Falling into finding self entwined with another suspension tension is desire in motion. Very nice.

Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

you captured the very essence what it feels like to be in a state of submission...and not really wanting it to be so.

Suspended in motionless time,
fragile resistance keeps me bound;
obsession ties me; touching,
owning me.

it's like a lack of control over what is happening...not knowing what to expect and expecting it all the same.

this is a wicked ride and you do it so well! nicely done, girlfriend :)

Amanda xox

Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

awesome, it give this feeling of being suspended in air, i like the way it ends that was the best part of the trip.


Falling into endless fantasy;

desire is all I feel,

i understand this all to much ,

Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

This is exceptional, girl!! I can relate to it a lot. Very powerful words and conveyed with real intimacy.

"Taunting, you summon me.
Drawing me with thought,
whispering between words;
seduce me, steal my soul;
my fingers slip."

Totally awesome!!

Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.


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Added on November 5, 2008
Last Updated on November 6, 2008

Author

Dani California
Dani California

CA



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