Perfect

Even the strongest of us have a weakness, a part of us that isn't like the rest. They were each other's weakness, and in the end, it killed them both.

Perfect

 

            What they had wasn’t good, normal, or healthy.  It was wrong, completely different from what it should have been.  They were destructive; to themselves and to each other.  They were never meant to be, and in a sense, they weren’t. 

 

            Anger defined their relationship, and pain became the product of it.  They fought; they screamed, they yelled, they hurt each other, and yet nothing could pull them apart.  They were together, for better or for worse, and they both knew that nothing could change that, even if they wanted it to.  What they had was impervious, indestructible. 

 

            They had pushed each other to the limit, pushed themselves past the point of no return.  No matter how hard they tried, there was that force inside them, that one part of them that made them stop just before they broke, that made them draw back before all was lost.  But in the end, even that wasn’t enough.

 

            They were different, too different.  She was strong.  She fought for what she believed in, and she refused to back down.  She represented everything that was good in the world, everything that was true and normal.  She always did the right thing, every single time. 

 

            Yet, there was one exception, only one thing that fit in to her life that couldn’t be placed in to one of the carefully organized categories, the only thing that didn’t fit in to the box that she forced everything in to, even herself, the only thing that didn’t fit in to the box that was her life. 

 

            That exception was him. 

 

            He was the only aspect of her that was fearless, that one broke through all of her iron defences, the only section of her that just didn’t care.  He was the only part of her that was bad, the only thing that ruined her flawlessness; he stripped everything away until there was nothing left. 

 

            He was weak; a coward.  He made mistakes, too many mistakes, and he had paid dearly for each one.  He had bought in to it, believed the darkness, accepted it in to his life, and now he couldn’t escape. 

 

            The evil consumed him, it smothered him until he was a part of it, until he could no longer distinguish between himself, and what he used to be.  It all melded together, the evil, and the few remnants of good that remained.  He forced them together until they were gone too. 

 

            It was just another mistake, but this one cost him more, something he couldn’t get back.  His humanity was taken with that last mistake, the one big mistake that defined his life. 

 

            She was the only thing that wasn’t wrong, the only thing that wasn’t bad in his life.  She was the only part of him that wasn’t a mistake. 

 

            She hated him, and he hated her just as much.  That hate defined what they had, defined everything about them.  Their devotion was like a single candle compared to the raging fire that was their hate.  For them, the line between love and hate wasn’t thin or small, it was so large and all consuming that just taking one step to begin the journey seemed impossible, utterly unachievable.

 

            And it was.  They would have liked to think that they were soul mates, that one would lay down their life for the other.  In his mindless delusions, and her childish daydreams, their relationship was a fairytale, something beautiful and wholesome.  But it wasn’t, and the fact was blatantly and painfully obvious. 

 

            They lived in the grey area, teetering on the edge of the large stone wall separating love and hate, where falling in either direction would mean certain death.  It was hard, existing in such a barren place, but they had to, because in the middle of nothing was the only place they could be together. 

 

            They didn’t love each other.  They didn’t even like each other.  They didn’t need or want each other.  If one day she simply turned around and walked away, he wouldn’t follow her, and she wouldn’t follow him.  They wouldn’t blame each other, because after all, what they had was an abomination, something that shouldn’t exist.

 

            But they couldn’t.  They couldn’t walk away.  There was nothing holding them there, but nothing was still something, and it was enough to tether them to the ground, to tie them to each other.

 

            It was frightening to think that they were bound there forever, that they could never leave, and that was why they fought so hard against it.  Even though they knew it would never work, that the inexorably compelling feeling would never go away, they had to try. 

 

            Although he was weak and afraid, he wasn’t a quitter, and neither was she.  They fought against each other in an attempt to free themselves, all the while knowing that it would never work, that their pain was wasted.  They would still fight to the death. 

 

            And they did.  Because know, as he sat on the wet grass in front of her grave, running his fingers over the headstone, he couldn’t help but miss it.  What he was missing, he didn’t know, because it certainly wasn’t her. 

           

He just felt empty.  The fire that used to burn through his veins was gone, he had felt it disappear as he watched the light fade from her eyes. 

 

            Everything was tied to her, no matter how hard he attempted to sever the attachment.  Even though he had made sure that she was gone, it hadn’t changed anything, not really.

 

            Now as he looked back on their relationship, he could see that even with all the anger, all the hate, all the violence and pain, what they had was just what they needed.

 

            In hindsight, he could see that it was his entire fault.  There had been an unspoken agreement, an understanding that although they loathed each other, they were a part of each other. 

 

            The stone wall represented them, and they both knew the ramifications of taking everything too far.  He just hadn’t expected it to be like this, he hadn’t thought that losing it all would hurt this much. 

 

            What they had was perfect, and he had destroyed it, he had ruined everything.  He looked down at the long dagger in his hand, the dull grey colour flat and opaque. 

Just like him. 

 

He knew what would happen if either one of them fell over the edge, and yet he still pushed her; he still let her fall.  Raising the dagger, he admired how it glinted in the sunlight from its elevated position.  He could be bright again, he just knew it.  This was what it would take for him to live again. 

 

            With one swift motion he plunged the dagger in to his heart, jumping from his perch on the large stone wall and falling with open arms in to the black abyss that lay below.

 

FIN

Author's Note

Constructive feedback is greatly appreciated.

Reviews

[Matt Pellegrini]

"They were together, for better or for worse, and they both knew that nothing could change that, even if they wanted it to. What they had was impervious, indestructible." I like the use of for better or for worse, a phrase often associated with marriage. I kind of think there's something here that you could play around with and add or something. Maybe how people who get married, for better of for worse, view it as final...that no matter how bad it gets, they won't leave, not that they can't but that they won't. It might be interesting to think a little more about is it that the two can't leave or that they won't and that leads them to thinking they can't.

You also say what they had was impervious, indestructible, yet in the end, it somewhat seems that it wasn't with them being separated, for a time at least. There are a few other times some of your sentences call possible contradictions into play. If you wanted to keep these sentences, just minor tweaks could fix them. Maybe saying nearly impervious, but I know that doesn't have the same punch and impact. Another idea is to say they thought what they had was impervious and indestructible. That they could bend and bend, but it would never break. There's probably some other things you could do too, to avoid these semi-contradictions.

A lot of the sentences are very "universal" in a way. They tell the whole and describe very large concepts. I think the story could benefit if you develop some of these ideas in more detail.

For example, the breaking point and pushing so close to the edge. Make some analogies. Show some metaphors. Make the ideas just more concrete. Stuff like once glass is cracked it can never be perfect again, only get worse. If you keep pushing toward the edge, eventually you'll fall off. Things along those lines could can make the story more powerful and will definitely foreshadow the impending doom and peril that is to come.

"They were different, too different. She was strong. She fought for what she believed in, and she refused to back down. She represented everything that was good in the world, everything that was true and normal. She always did the right thing, every single time. " In a sense, perfect? I think this paragraph needs just one concrete example of her in action. Something from her past that she did that would show her embodying good.

"the only section of her," I'd consider changing section to part.

I like the complete and total opposition of the two. Opposites attract, or so they say.

In the same way that I think there needs to be some example of the girl embodying good, there probably needs to be something in the paragraph about the guy that shows him as the one making mistakes, and the one that embodies the bad to her good.

"For them, the line between love and hate wasn’t thin or small, it was so large and all consuming that just taking one step to begin the journey seemed impossible, utterly unachievable." I liked and felt like I understood what you meant in the first half of this sentence, and I completely agree with that part. For them, there really isn't probably a line between love and hate, instead they are both one and the same. But after the all consuming part, I wasn't sure that the rest of the sentence supported what was just said. I could be reading it wrong or not seeing how it ties in, but I just felt like it wasn't as strongly related as something could be to the first half of the sentence.

Love the grey area paragraph. It's really well done and has some powerful images, though I think there is the potential for even more analogy and metaphor there.

"There was nothing holding them there, but nothing was still something," I think I know the kind of logic you're going for here, but this probably needs to be reworded, because this is sort of contradictory. Something like, nothing was holding them there, but nothing was pulling them apart either.

This nothingness between them and their inability to get apart though, reminds me a bit of cosmic bodies and their gravitational pull on one another. They'll never touch and be completely together, but they can't ever get apart either. Tied to the same dance partner forever.

"Because know" this may or may not be a mistake, but I thought it was possible you wanted now instead of no.

I think your use of words like stone, grey, dull, and opaque all make the scene very drab and probably the way you intended it.

"humping from his perch" humping to jumping.

Really liked the sentence, "This was what it would take for him to live again," since it plays on the irony that for him to live again, he has to take his own life.

Overall, I felt this was a story that was about fated lovers. It just turns out they were ill-fated lovers. It definitely shows your potential of working with big themes and larger concepts.

The main suggestion I have though, is that the story is mostly summary. Not until the end is there really a scene where one of the characters is physically present in some space or setting.

I don't know if you plan on coming back to this story ever, but if you do, that is something to consider. Maybe adding a few more scenes of the guy and girl interacting, even if they are short and not too descriptive.

If not, it's something to consider for your future writing. What is told in scene and what is just summarized in a story are important facets of storytelling. For example, you told me in one of your stories, you got crazy into detail. Imagine if you had just summarized what happened in those sections. They might not be as strong.