The Battle

alone I stand on the battlefield

surrounded my enemies have me cornered 

I call for help and listen 

but the silence is deafening 

using but only one weapon 

not gun, or fire, or explosives 

but the most powerful of weapons words 

slowly advancing toward me screaming 

failure, worthless, weak, pathetic and more 

one final phrase for the final blow 

you failed your kid as well as yourself 

how am I supposed to defend my self

slowly I start to crumble falling to my knees 

no I yell with every last bit of strength I have 

yet here I lay motionless, weeping, defeated 

silence its finally over I think to myself 

then a whisper so chilling so disturbing 

go ahead slit your wrist and make your demons bleed 

why I ask what will it accomplish 

sadly the reply was accurate and haunting 

its the only you will be able to control the pain inside 

I clench the razor just once won't hurt 

blood runs down my wrist only one thought consumes 

finally something has made me feel human again 

as my foes stand over my beaten and bruised body 

I feel not a sense of fear but one of welcoming 

like they were here all along like long lost friends d

almost as if the demons were my family 

as I lay on this cold hard ground 

tears running down my face as blood runs my arm 

sadly I must admit defeat as today I lost the battle 

Reviews

[JE Falcon]

The only thing I might add to what "Relic" has said is, to write a dramatic short story and use this as the ending.

[Relic]

Unfortunately, as serious as this poem is, it falls flat. If you aren't sure what punctuation to use, your poems will have no impact and confuse the reader. One thing you can do is separate the lines so there's no run-on sentences or confused looks on the readers face. I've done that below to give you an example. I also moved the first couple of lines around to make your intentions clearer.

Cutting is never a good idea for anyone. It's not a good escape and only assures weakness later on. In adulthood, it will be a subject you won't be able to escape from and it will drive you nuts.

Saying this, I understand it makes you and many others feel better. But it's gonna cost you later on. I wish you better days ahead my friend.


alone I stand on the battlefield
surrounded

I call for help and listen
but the silence is deafening

my enemies have me cornered
using only one weapon
(not a gun, or fire, or explosives)
but the most powerful of weapons

words

slowly advancing toward me screaming
failure, worthless, weak, pathetic and more

one final phrase makes the final blow

you failed your kid as well as yourself

how am I supposed to defend my self

slowly I start to crumble falling to my knees

no I yell
with every last bit of strength I have

yet here I lay motionless, weeping, defeated

silence

its finally over I think to myself

then a whisper so chilling

so disturbing

go ahead slit your wrist and make your demons bleed

why I ask? what will it accomplish?
sadly the reply was accurate and haunting
its only you who will be able to control the pain inside

I clench the razor
just once won't hurt
blood runs down my wrist
only one thought consumes
finally something has made me feel human again

as my foes stand over my beaten and bruised body
I feel not a sense of fear but one of welcoming
like they were here all along like long lost friends

almost as if the demons were my family

as I lay on this cold hard ground
tears running down my face

as blood runs down my arm

sadly I must admit defeat as today

I lost the battle