Excerpt from "Ripped Away"

Excerpt from "Ripped Away"

A by Dms

Just a random thought for later in the story.

        "Well, well, well. Commander Kane, what have I done to earn the pleasure of your company this fine evening?" She asked, giving her best innocent smile without showing her teeth.
        "Countess Breanne De LaMotte, you have something that doesn't belong to you." Kane said flatly, "Or rather�someone."
        "Do my ears deceive me, or could a disgraced deserter be accusing me, a well respected Countess, of kidnapping?" Her smile now bore a sharp set of fangs.
        "My men and I haven't deserted. We're just taking a very long and well earned vacation."
        "Hmmm�guards?" She said thoughtfully as though it were a question.
        In a moment, ten men clad in padded gold armor, filled each and every doorway leading out of the chamber. The armor was intended for use in hand to hand matches, but had been improved upon by the addition of padded helmets, covering all but the face. Kane bowed his head, rubbing his eyes with the thumb and index finger of his left hand.
        "Very well Countess, I'll play with your toys. But if they break, I'm not buying you new ones."
        "Really." She grinned, "A limping young man completely unarmed, and you actually think you can take on ten of the finest body guards in Rodinhall?"
        "That's not fair. I have one arm." Kane raised his left arm and dropped it to his side.
        "Come now Kane. We don't need to go through with this. Just go peacefully, and I assure you that no harm will come to him. You don't even know why he's�"
        "I'm waiting�" Kane made a show of unbuttoning his long black coat, revealing the heavy system of belts and chains that supported his hidden prosthetics.
        "This is ridiculous." One of the guards laughed, "Lets just take him already."
        "Wait!" the guard nearest to him shouted as he sprung forward.

        Kane was ready for him. He spied the man behind him, leaned forward, and kicked back with his mechanical right leg. His hard boot caught the man squarely in the stomach, lifting him off the ground and sending him back a few feet before he landed hard on his hands and knees. Coughing and cursing, the guard staggered back to his feet just in time to receive the follow up in which Kane took two steps and delivered a fantastic side kick to his chest.
        The other guards flinched as they watched their comrade bounce off the doorway he had come from, laying motionless on the polished wooden floor. Kane grinned, imagining a huge crowd applauding his victory, and John Madden doing commentary. The crowd is going insane! You see that? He went strait for the back, but Kane's defense has been way too solid this season. Now this is a guy, that when he kicks someone, they get hurt. Then he started thinking about how the old man would be drawing all over the room, outlining possible courses of action, and he started to giggle.
        "What in God's name is wrong with him?" One of the men shouted.
        "Never mind that. All together now!" the leader of the group shouted, springing forward.
        The first few seconds of the fight went in slow motion for Kane. Okay, he thought, they're coming from all sides, so first thing is to cut off some of those angles of approach. So if I split them into three groups of three, I'll run through group one and get my back to the wall. Right, easy peasy
        With that, Kane leapt forward, his prosthetic giving him more of a kick than he'd expected. The three men directly in his path attempted to close around him, so Kane lunged at the center, putting his hard right shoulder into the center man and knocking him aside like a bowling pin. He then spun around and kicked the legs out from under the first man to his right and proceeded to back towards the wall.
        The third man of group one tried to charge him, but was stopped dead by a hard boot to the chest that send him sprawling back into the other six who were attempting to surround him. Seeing this, Kane edged his way to the right, trying to line them up. Another lunged at him, swinging wide, but Kane blocked with his forearm then turned in and kicked him in the groin, again using the advantage of his powerful right leg. With a disturbingly feminine scream, the man fell to the floor, both hands between his legs.

If I don't come back, avenge my death

© 2008 Dms

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This is an interesting excerpt. The presence of the prosthetics creates the question ... "How did he lose his limbs?". The dialog is well written and provides back story nicely. This would be a good opening scene for a larger story.

Posted 14 Years Ago

This is good. You know how to write an action scene for sure although it shouldn't really surprise me because only knowing you for the short time I did when you were with the Guard unit in WI you had an interesting way with words that when you said one day you wanted to be a writer I could only think, "and he'll be good at it too". I look forward to how your story progresses and hope that you're enjoying your life as a civilian now.

Posted 15 Years Ago

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2 Reviews
Added on October 24, 2008



Plain, WI

For those of you visiting me for the first time, my name is David Stienmetz. I'm 25 years old, and a six year Army veteran. Since getting out, I've started college, bought a house, had a bad.. more..

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