Your Bikini

Your Bikini

A Poem by David-Tyler
"

Another melodramatic love poem, guys. I'm getting creative

"
I bet you feel so pretty
Decorated in your bikini
Swimming in my gaze
In my desire, in my haze

I can't think so straight
Knowing your wearing bait
To get me looking your way
And my eyes can't look away

So pale and pretty
You don't belong in the city
But a scene of nature
To be taken care of for sure
Because you're too pure

For this world, this town
This place will make you frown
Rot you from the inside out
And it'll teach you to doubt

But you're a darling flower
Teasing me after your shower
Let's run away togetether
Find somewhere that's better

I bet you feel so pretty
Decorated in your bikini
Swimming in my gaze
In my desire, and in my haze

© 2018 David-Tyler


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Reviews

There's this twinge of fear I feel when reading this. What would this onlooker be capable of?
Our bikini wearing maiden is made to sound like a siren, luring and tempting others to come forth. But I wonder if that is her intention? Since there is this innocence so desperate to be preserved by the narrator.
"You don't belong in the city...This place will make you frown"
As Relic mentioned..."Putting them on a pedestal is a mistake." Not only that but it's also dangerous. Interesting to be in the mind of someone else. I wonder if you'd narrate from her perspective as well?

Posted 5 Years Ago


David-Tyler

5 Years Ago

Well it's narrated from my perspective, and I'm not capable of doing anything but making awful jokes.. read more
Peach

5 Years Ago

Look forward to reading more.
David-Tyler

5 Years Ago

Same to you
Been there, done that, as they say. Chances are, other guys are looking and melting the same way. Always remember to think with your head and not your groin. And don't obsess either. I lost many a potential date doing that. Putting them on a pedestal is a mistake.

Nice writing.

Posted 5 Years Ago


David-Tyler

5 Years Ago

Thanks for the advice! My fiance and I are just coming out of a rough patch now, and learned my les.. read more
Relic

5 Years Ago

You're welcome.

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Added on May 27, 2018
Last Updated on May 27, 2018

Author

David-Tyler
David-Tyler

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About
I post my worst work here to get constructive criticism. I'm critical of other people because that's what's helpful. I won't make anything personal until you do. I'm not here for drama, fights, or oth.. more..

Writing
My End My End

A Poem by David-Tyler