Life from Three Dimensions

Life from Three Dimensions

A Poem by David the writer

 Marching feet

 Swords clash, and daggers meet

 Rain hits the bloody rivers flowing

 And the vultures fly to feast, silently crowing

 

 The faces' expressions blank

 As the bodies fill the river bank

 Swords clashing, but no death

 For the ash filling our lungs have already taken away our breath

 

 Ash of suffering

 Vulters of wicked

 Bloody land reflecting red skies

 Moon light still shining grim hope

 

 Daggers slicing flesh

 Teeth of cannible's thresh

 This shall never end

 Our whole life fighting, we'll spend

 

 So our message is clear

 As we strike final blows of fear

 As we watch falling tear after tear

 With a blank stare

 

 Ash of suffering

 Vulters of wicked

 Bloody land reflecting red skies

 Moon light barely shining grim hope

 

 Laughing as I watch men

 Out of control like a headless hen  

 All because of pawns put in right places

 And I used the right aces

 

 Sometimes being the devil is amazing

 The sights you see

 Watcing the flames raising

 It's so beautifuly evil being me

 

 Ash of suffering

 Vultures of wicked

 Bloody land reflecting red skies

 Moon light has no light, only dripping blood

© 2012 David the writer


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Reviews

I enjoyed this. nice and dark like I like them :) xo

Posted 11 Years Ago


David the writer

11 Years Ago

Thanx
Very unique style of writing, very good I must say. I love medieval inspired work and the darkly. Good job!

Posted 11 Years Ago


David the writer

11 Years Ago

Thanx dude!
"For the ash filling our lungs have already taken away our breath" was my favorite line, I loved this poem! Satisfies my evil nature for the day *cackles*. The images you get from reading it are excellent, the effects of this would be great in a movie.

Posted 11 Years Ago


RachelReaper

11 Years Ago

i figured that out the second I reviewed this, but they, there's another review for ya, anyways
RachelReaper

11 Years Ago

Oh, I remember this one!!!! Great job and getting it published, as i said earlier, the imagery is aw.. read more
David the writer

11 Years Ago

Thanx :D
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:-)
Ooh, this is awesome! Imagery is what I look for in poems and you completely nailed this one. 7th stanza was my favorite. Really powerful... And... Creepy, I guess? In a good way, though.

And criticism: some of the rhyming seems a bit forced. Try reading it aloud and seeing which lines don't flow as well as you'd like them to. 4th stanza, "cannible's" is actually "cannibal's."

These are fairly minor problems, though. You have here a solidly amazing piece. Good job. :)

Posted 11 Years Ago


David the writer

11 Years Ago

Thanx a lot!
:-)

11 Years Ago

No problem. :) hope I was of help.
The first stanza pulled me right away. This was beautifully dark with great details. "bloody land reflecting red skies" It gave me chills! (but in a good way) Wonderful piece!

Posted 11 Years Ago


David the writer

11 Years Ago

Thanks!
Alexa Tasch

11 Years Ago

You're welcome!
I thought it had something to do with the devil....your details were great I mean like *shudders* "headless hens" really that gave me such a wonderful mental picture anyways great piece :)

Posted 11 Years Ago


David the writer

11 Years Ago

I do too, that's why I submitted this to a publisher! :D
C.C. Marx

11 Years Ago

That's awesome, good luck to you :)
David the writer

11 Years Ago

thanx!
Reminds me of "for whom the bell tolls". A good descriptive piece

Posted 11 Years Ago


David the writer

11 Years Ago

Thanx man. Reminding anyone of "For whom the bell tolls" is a complimant any day :D
0.0 This... is... EPIC... 0.0 It's the devil... watching people... WHOA!!! :O Good job lol :)

Posted 11 Years Ago


Admiral Kirk

11 Years Ago

Oh, no, I'm not bi, I just don't have a pronounced "sex" per say. lolol xD
David the writer

11 Years Ago

Whoops...well that's a my bad! lol Sorry
Admiral Kirk

11 Years Ago

lol that's okay... :) Most people think I'm a girl lol... Itsh funny... (: I don't really look like .. read more
I like the fifth stanza the best

Posted 11 Years Ago


David the writer

11 Years Ago

Thanx a lot, I feel this is my best poem so far

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Added on November 10, 2012
Last Updated on November 10, 2012

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David the writer
David the writer

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