Snakes Alive!

Snakes Alive!

A Poem by David Lewis Paget

He sat out back in his deck chair

Half asleep, and reading a book,

His wife was bustling round the place

She had the dinner to cook,

But then she heard a disturbance

And the old man gave a shout,

‘Hey Martha, come out and help me

Or my lights are going out!’

 

She put her head round the kitchen door,

“For God’s sake, what’s it now?

I’ve got a roast in the oven,

And it’s huge, like half a cow.’

The old man’s voice sounded desperate,

And it soon began to break,

‘You’d better call me an ambulance,

I’ve been bitten by a snake!’

 

She ran outside to where he sat

And scanned, look round about,

‘I can’t see any old snake out here,

It was just a dream, no doubt.’

‘I tell you woman it bit me,

Just came at me like a train,

I think it was a Black Mamba,

Bit my leg, and God, the pain!’

 

‘It couldn’t be a Black Mamba, Fred,

We don’t get them round here,

Just calm yourself and I’ll go inside

And I’ll bring you out a beer.’

‘I tell you I need an ambulance,

Call one, don’t mess about!’

‘I don’t think we can afford one, dear,

It’s probably only gout.’

 

The old man’s face was twisted in pain

He seemed quite lost for words,

He had a head full of adjectives

But they got mixed up with verbs,

‘I need some antivenom, Martha,

Go and make the call.’

 ‘Are you sure it wasn’t the kitten, Fred,

It’s playful, after all!’

 

‘I don’t think the kitten is six feet long

Or slithers without its legs,

The kitten is just a ginger Tom,

Do I really have to beg?

Just call me the bloody ambulance

My leg is going numb,

I’ve only got twenty minutes,

After that, well, I’ll be done.’

 

‘You’re always making a fuss, you are

About every little thing,

I’ll make a call to your brother,

He can come and take you in.’

‘He lives on the other side of town,

It will take him far too long,

Do you really want to be rid of me?

God! - where did I go wrong?’

 

He felt his tongue beginning to swell

Until he could barely talk,

‘I thaid it wath a bloody great thnake,

It thlid, it didn’t walk.’

‘Well, why are you talking funny, Fred,

I thought I’d hidden the Red,

Have you been tippling on out here?’

Fred’s eyes were up in his head.

 

Fred was deep in convulsions when

The ambulance turned in,

Then followed the undertaker with

A box to put him in,

‘If only he’d told me what to do,

His head was like a sieve,

And you know Fred,’ she shook her head,

‘So argumentative!’

 

David Lewis Paget

© 2013 David Lewis Paget


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Featured Review

LOL the harpy wife.I doubt she was near as innocent as she claims. It is never a good idea to underestimate the enemy Be he a snake or a wife lol. It puts me in mind of the snake story in the bible .A guy takes in a poisonouis snake and nurses it to health. When it recovers it bites him .As he lay dying he asks" why I cared for you when you were at deaths door?" " You knew I was a snake when we met and yet you opened the door and let me in."

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Very witty and nicely executed poem. The rhyming scheme is almost perfect, however one sentence I may consider revising is taking out the "you're always making a fuss ***you are***" The 'you are' interrupts the rhyming scheme and doesn't really add to the content. Just a consideration; great work!

Posted 7 Years Ago


some times I can review and sometimes I just respond - in this case its the latter! Poor guy! The mark of a master - I am all caught up in the poor soul's plight and have forgotten its just a story

Posted 11 Years Ago


A wife that gave birth to the modern women!

Posted 11 Years Ago


Loved how the wife just kept arguing. Good story.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This was very funny to read!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

like a really long limmerick - well fashioned and funny as hell. Thanksh - oh s**t i'm bit.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

One of you best, in the case of humor. I was lost in laughter as I read this poem.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

that was great.

well written!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

He had a head full of adjectives
But they got mixed up with verbs

Love this line, hahahah. Fantastic stuff.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The true cost of a failure in communication. Humor. Relationships. Marriage. Things that crawl. The fragility of life in the face of stupidity. Enjoyed reading this.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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1069 Views
21 Reviews
Rating
Added on February 15, 2013
Last Updated on February 15, 2013
Tags: bite, pain, gout, antivenom

Author

David Lewis Paget
David Lewis Paget

Moonta, South Australia, Australia



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