Too Many Women

The parents of Valentine Ogilby should

Be stood by a wall, and be shot,

They gave him a label that he was unable

To change, were he willing or not.

The girls always clustered around him at school,

The boys shooed him off with contempt,

He’d act as if flustered, but always could muster

A kiss for a girl in a tent.

 

His kisses were infamous, hugs were immense,

We thought his behaviour was odd,

He grew to believe that each woman conceived

That he was a gift from God.

He wouldn’t stay faithful for even a day,

Was caught kissing everyone’s girl,

But nothing would stay them, they’d cry and would pray them,

He’d set every heart in a whirl.

 

We threatened to cool him off once in a stream,

We threatened to chop off his hair,

His giant libido had fashioned his credo

He taunted us then, ‘Wouldn’t dare!’

The girls in our town became suddenly plump,

Were waddling up street and down,

There was almost a riot, they said it was diet,

We thought, ‘It’s that Valentine clown.’

 

I heard that he’d died of a heart attack

When just coming up twenty nine,

It’s lucky he did, for the child support kid

Would be bankrupt by now, doing time.

I’d watched as he’d hurried from Angel to Zara,

His creed was a creed that’s sublime,

For once in his passing he gasped at the asking:

‘Too many women,

Not enough time!’

 

David Lewis Paget

Reviews

[TL Boehm]

Busy Busy Busy fellow now wasn't he? the second to last verse had me rolling. Very funny.

[Christopher Withers]

Fantastic rhyme that raised a smile and a laugh. A very enjoyable poem!

[R Smith]

haha! well said David another amusing poem from you, you have a marvellous way with comedy and rhyme, very enjoyable and moral to of course :)

[Marie]

Very interesting. Reminds me of a story Charles Beaumont wrote. It's one of my favorites, but I can't remember what it's called. Now I shall have to go look it up.

[A. Amos]

This was brilliant David...truly enjoyed the read!

[redflutterby]

Hahaha...ive known a few of these guys in life but thankfully didn't fall for any of them. Amusing poem with a wee little moral message as well. Spread yourself too thin and there wont be enough to go around..lol!

[Hitchhiker]

I tried that once. It nearly killed me. He shot at my fleeing back, missed all three times.

[MomzillaNC]

Was this a real person? Or a general castigation of lotharios served up on a platter? Either way, this was very entertaining and amusingly pointed.