The Gamekeeper

I’d brought my woman to live with me

In a cottage by Elmsley Wood,

We lived on pure and simple fare

For my wages weren’t that good,

I bagged a hare and a stoat or two

With my ancient .22,

She skinned and cooked, and cleaned and looked

For something better to do.

 

‘I’m used to the shops and supermart,

The bars, fast cars and fun,

I didn’t know we’d be isolated,

Let’s go back there, hun!’

I hadn’t a job for two full years

And she knew that to be true,

‘I only remember the city tears

When I couldn’t look after you!’

 

We’d always been such a loving pair

When we lived outside the yoke,

With plenty of time for making love

In a ratty flat, and broke.

But once I became a gamekeeper

I had a feeling of pride,

‘A man has need of his self-respect,’

I said, so Kathy sighed.

 

I’d do my rounds at the dawning while

The sun was lying low,

While she would sleep every morning

Spring or Summer, heat or snow.

Then I’d go out in the evenings when

The Moon was riding high,

Hoping to catch the poachers on

My patch, and being sly.

 

So Kathy began to go for walks

Each sunny afternoon,

She wouldn’t stick round for lunch, or talks

And the cottage was filled with gloom.

I’d take my break in the afternoon

Either read, or take a nap,

And hear the crackle of twigs and leaves

As she came walking back.

 

I warned her not to go walking through

The depths of Elmsley Wood,

‘There’s a couple of shady characters

In there, up to no good.’

She said she’d taken it all on board

Just walked the nearer trees,

Listening to the songs of birds

And the hum of busy bees.

 

One afternoon she had gone, and I

Was not too tired that day,

So wandered deep in the wood where I

Might meet the rogue, John Gray.

I saw him out in a clearing, and

He had her in his clutch,

I thought that I must be dreaming for

She wasn’t wearing much.

 

I turned, and hurried back home without

Them knowing I was there,

I had my heart in my throat, but was

Determined not to care.

The rage was building within me

For the woman who was mine,

I thought, ‘How could she deceive me?’

But that evening was sublime.

 

She said that the larder was empty

Could I go and bag a hare,

I said, ‘Just give me an hour or so,

I’ll bag some thing out there.’

I came in late, and upon the plate

I tossed her John Gray’s head,

‘I couldn’t find you a hare, I swear,

Just pickle that instead!’

 

David Lewis Paget

Reviews

[MomzillaNC]

It's a thin line between love and hate. I rather expected a mystery-meat stew, later to be revealed as John Gray. I don't think that would have been nearly as amusing!

[Avinash]

When love is converted into hatred can destroy very notion human life and the animals comes to the front.
Rage is shown in the most brutal way. They say the violence women do are most hideous but men like to make it most graphic. That is the difference between the two sexes.

[TPK Stories]

Always a pleasure to read your tales...great work...David...

[Tate Morgan]

Love and hate two sides of the same coin

[Barbz]

Oh, I'm laughing......you are brilliant.......You take a little here and you take a little there ,,,,,,,,like the days before the "recipe" your results beyond campare. Never stop, no matter who.....or what is bugging you.....Barbz

[Marie]

Very funny. I'd call it a pickled pig's head, wouldn't you? Of course, I knew what the gamekeeper was going out to shoot. I thought maybe he'd bring back some mysterious meat and tell his wife to cook it up...

[Valentine]

You are a brat, I was looking for the guy to end up happy, what do I get, a rat's head on a plate. Still laughing. Thanks for the chuckle David, I needed it. [Aussie Brat] Kathie

[R Smith]

haha good revenge David, this is a story you could make into a book, the end is a thriller :)