Take the Night

Her crimson hair floated into the restless wind

Those tousled tresses 

flitted against the moon

shared their crimson hue with him.

With each breath

               Each touch they drove closer

                               Closer to a more perfect understanding,

A more perfect understanding of herself.

She and her moon danced on

through the tapestry filled nights

When morning came

All that was left 

Were the scars 

Of lovers that had been

                     and those yet to come 

                                    as they passed through her sky

And leave for new shores.

 

Reviews

[eglantine]

Lovely :) I am glad to see you playing with space on the page! :) *crimson

Also, I'd cut "a more perfect understanding of herself" It is already very much implied in the poem.

I'd also cut the last line, I love ending on the "passed through her sky" image, especially with the mention of scars earlier in that stanza.

[Fabiana]

Thanks darling!

[wandering daughter]

beautiful :)
The part about her dancing with the moon.... made me smile.
It also has such a happy content vibe to it. Like a new start and all.
I really liked it.

[Clockwork]

I really like the images of the first stanza, especially how you describe her hair in proximity to the moon. Maybe its my sort of new age sentiment or spiritual background, but I really enjoyed the message of your second stanza.

My one suggestion in this one concerns the final line. I think you could switch shores to something like horizons. I think the sky imagery you have to that point may lend itself to something like that.

Other than that, I really enjoyed this one!